How to Work for a Difficult Boss

When I got promoted to my first manager role, my Dad told me, “Congratulations, you just became the second most important person in the lives of your employees.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. He explained, “Next to your spouse, your boss has the power to make your life wonderful or miserable.”

At the time, his comment petrified me. At the ripe old age of 25, half my team was twice my age. I was scared to death because I knew my father was right.

Think about your own bosses and the impact they’ve had on you. I hope that most of your bosses have been good. But if you’ve been working for any length of time, you’ve probably had one (or more) who weren’t good. Perhaps you’re in that situation right now. If so, you know, working for a difficult boss will quickly drain your energy and enthusiasm.

But you’re not powerless; Relationships are a two-way street! If you’re working for a (temporarily) difficult boss or a (constantly) difficult boss, here are four tips to help:?

1.????Build Support Beyond Your Boss

The weight of your professional growth, your career trajectory, and your daily happiness at work should not fall squarely on your boss’s shoulders. Developing a support system beyond your boss can serve as a source for feedback and guidance.

It’s also just logistically smart; You shouldn’t have a single, load-bearing person holding up your career (even your boss). You can look inside your company for support, like employee resource groups or peer-coaching circles. You can also look outside of your company, like industry events or personal mentors.

Both you and your boss will ebb and flow through your career. With a network of support, a temporary dip doesn’t become detrimental.

2.????Express What you Need (and what you don’t).

You teach people how to treat you. Maybe you get too much feedback, with your boss chiming in with opinions every hour. Or perhaps you get no feedback and are constantly surprised at the final hour.

Whether it’s feedback, opportunities for professional development, or chances to lead, respectfully telling your boss what you need sets you both of for success.

Assuming your boss is a well-intended person who wants you to be successful (if they’re not, more on that later) being clear is a gift to all parties involved. Your boss has probably managed a wide variety of people and been managed by a wide variety of people; they’re just operating on what they know. There is no universal framework for success, so be clear about what you need.

3.????Learn Your Boss’s Leadership Language

The 5 Love Languages is an iconic framework for elevating personal relationships. Your “love language” is how you show love. For example, my love language is ‘words of affirmation,’ so when I want someone to feel loved, I tell them with words.

Here’s where it gets tricky: We often marry someone with a different love language than our own. My husband’s love language, for example, is ‘acts of service.’ So, when he wants someone to feel loved, he shows them with daily actions.?

The thinking is, we show love in the way we want to be shown love. If we didn’t know each other’s love language, he would be running around doing acts of service, waiting for me to reciprocate. On the flip side, I would be running around saying “you’re so wonderful”, waiting for him to reciprocate.??

The same dynamic plays out at work. We give what we intrinsically want to receive. If your boss is constantly offering to help you brainstorm new ideas, it might be a subtle cue that they want some support in brainstorming new ideas. If your boss is always asking for updates, it could be that they aren’t feeling grounded in what’s going on.

Try to learn what makes your boss feel clear and confident and communicate with them in their leadership language.

4.????Literally…Don’t.

There has never been a more opportune moment to solve this problem. I’m rarely one to tout throwing your hands up in the air simply because of a mediocre leade. But if you’ve tried these things (really tried), and they didn’t work, now is your window. Or worse, if your boss is belittling or disrespectful, and perhaps doesn’t deserve an employee who’s reading an article about how to better work with difficult bosses… well…check out the ‘Jobs’ tab on LinkedIn.

The Great Resignation is in full effect. There are high-paying roles out there, working for leaders who are empathetic, supportive, and kind.?

I firmly believe most bosses are well-intended people who want their employees to do well. With clear communication and mutual respect, the relationship you have with your boss can be a powerful force in your career.

But never forget that YOU are in the driver’s seat.?