How Women in Leadership Can Break Free of "Good Girl Syndrome" and Set Boundaries To Build a Personal Brand That Gets Them Noticed

What is “Good Girl Syndrome”?

"Good Girl Syndrome," a term I’ve coined,? is a phenomenon that encapsulates the societal expectation placed on women, particularly those in leadership roles, to conform to traditional gender roles and prioritize the needs of others above their own. It's essentially about people-pleasing tendencies ingrained in women from a young age, where unconscious bias means you may feel pressured to be agreeable, accommodating, and nurturing at the expense of your own well-being and aspirations.

With the high-performing women leaders I work with, I see this syndrome manifest as a reluctance to set boundaries, fearing backlash or being perceived as unagreeable or selfish. As a result, you may find yourself taking on additional responsibilities, like office housework taking notes or emotional labor, supporting team well-being, without receiving due credit or recognition.?

What a crock! (Who remembers Tom Selleck saying this in Three Men and a Little Lady?) If you struggle with "good girl syndrome", this not only hampers your professional growth but ultimately leads to exhaustion and burnout.

People pleasing and having poor boundaries might be diminishing your personal brand, rather than enhancing it. I am running an in-person Personal Brand Retreat for women in leadership in April if you need support defining yours. See the end of the article for more information.?

If you have this insatiable need to be liked, this may lead you to prioritize harmony over conflict resolution, which stifles your ability to advocate for yourself and drive positive change. Consequently, you may find it challenging to assert your opinions, negotiate for fair compensation, or demand equal opportunities for advancement. Ultimately, "Good Girl Syndrome" not only means you’re playing small, it also affects your confidence, autonomy, and leadership potential.

Where Does This Come From?

In my experience working with high-achieving women in leadership, this comes from childhood conditioning. Many of us watched our mothers take care of everything and everyone. Women are hardwired to nurture, and as a result, often feel obliged to fulfil this role, to be the “good girl” and take care of things.

But the world is changing, we are emerging from the hangover of the “good girl syndrome”, as I call it, right now.

You need to own your worth, set boundaries and realize it’s not selfish - it’s a fundamental human right to protect your most valuable asset… your time.

The word “boundaries” can feel scary, so I prefer to reframe it as “collaboration guidelines”. You teach people how to treat you and it’s time more women started advocating for themselves.

Setting Boundaries or “Collaboration Guidelines”

The word “boundaries” can feel scary, so I prefer to reframe it as "collaboration guidelines". You teach people how to treat you - it’s not about being rigidly uncooperative, it’s the complete opposite. It's about being more strategic and less reactive with your time.

When you set collaboration guidelines, you force other people to get organized which is actually a gift for them too.

The biggest challenge with setting boundaries is the battle with your mind. Mindset and having a strong personal brand play a vital role. When you work in the corporate world, it’s like being a micro-universe. It has its own unique way of operating that’s often not reflective of the “real world”, and you can get brainwashed into the culture and way of working.?

That’s why working with a coach like me to help you define your boundaries and personal brand is game-changing to help you challenge your thinking, employ new strategies and see things from a different viewpoint so you others view you as the inspiring leader you know you are.

For example, I had a client recently who was a Senior Director in a US multinational, living in Europe and was expected to attend meetings on US time. She said yes to everything and was often told she wasn’t ready for the Executive level. This is all too common for women I work with in American Multinationals, who are afraid to “rock the boat”. Meanwhile, the US folk are unaware of the toll it takes on those in other time zones because nobody tells them! I mean why would they question it if you don’t share the impact it’s having?!

Anyway, this particular lady had a limiting belief that she had to attend at 9pm at night and had done so for a long time. She was tired and working all the time. I challenged her to ask if the meeting time could be changed. She said she couldn’t ask as they always did it at this time and 8 other stakeholders were attending. So I told her to get playful with this and see this as an experiment and just ask. I also taught her my DAD Method for setting boundaries teaching her how to do this right, and she plucked up the courage to talk to the organizer.

Much to her surprise, not only did everyone agree, it transpired the new time actually suited the team better! My client now finishes work at 6pm and has time to switch off with her family. We also worked on her personal brand, which has resulted in her recently being promoted to her first Executive position. Her mind was blown when I took her through my Brand Brilliance Blueprint as she could see very quickly where she was going wrong and left with strategies to make positive changes, which paid off fast.?

The learning here is not to be afraid to set boundaries and don’t make assumptions. Own your worth, define your personal brand and reclaim your time so you have more time to be strategic in your role and truly switch off after work and enjoy life.

Build Your Brand, Own Your Story

If you’d like my support to craft your personal brand and expand your professional network of women, I’m hosting a fabulous retreat focused on personal branding for women in leadership on 19th-20th April for Women in Leadership in The Heritage Hotel & Spa Killenard, Co. Laois. Think professional development meets girlie fun with a good dose of relaxation!

Ticket price: €495 which includes all activities, lunch, dinner and spa time!

Email [email protected] for link to book or DM me 'RETREAT' here on LinkedIn for more details

The theme of this event is BUILD YOUR BRAND, OWN YOUR STORY

We'll go deep on personal branding, authentic leadership and leveraging the power of your story to build authority and credibility, gain respect and increase opportunities. PLUS! Boundaries will be at the forefront and I have some very special surprises in store you're gonna love!

If you'd like to join us, email [email protected] for more details or send me a DM me on LinkedIn with the word RETREAT and I can share more details

**Exclusively for high-achieving, driven women in leadership roles**

About The Author, Lucy Gernon

Lucy Gernon is an Irish mother of three, an award-winning coach for driven women in leadership and Founder of 3SIXTY Leaders Club —the only online membership for women leaders focused on career progression, confidence, leadership development and work-life balance.?As the host of the top-ranked 360 LeadHERship Podcast , frequently ranked as the #1 Careers Podcast on Apple, Lucy is also an acclaimed International Speaker, focusing on confidence, leadership, career acceleration, productivity, and mindset

Lucy holds many qualifications including a Masters Degree in Science and is an ICF Certified Professional Coach and soon-to-be Certified Positive Psychology coach too.

Lucy spent two decades in the corporate world herself. And it was when she turned 40 she knew it was time to follow her heart and start her coaching and training business.?

At the height of the pandemic, she stood in her kitchen in her hot pink suit with her family and friends wearing masks, as she prepared to make a big announcement…

She felt nervous, excited and anxious to reveal her big news…You see, there’s something about turning 40 that gives you perspective.

She realised she had been allowing her success to be dictated by others and was holding herself back from unlocking her potential due to fear and people-pleasing…

She had a burning desire to start a business to support women in leadership & at 40, she decided to just go for it.

As Lucy and her family socially distanced & clinked glasses with her fave champagne, she took a deep breath and told them she planned to quit her 20-year corporate career to start a business and that she’d be gone within 12 months… (it ended up being just 9 months!)

Just over 6 months later, Lucy’s father-in-law sadly passed away after a 6-week battle with cancer. He was only 66 with so much life to live and just like that, he was gone ???

This was when Lucy realized it was time to stop waiting and just go for it. So two days after his funeral, Lucy started a professional coaching course and the rest is history.

Since then her business has thrived, with 17 award nominations and 4 wins, a team of 7 & she’s even been featured in Forbes as well as many other prestigious publications.

She’s supported her clients to create incredible results like 11% off-cycle pay increases, promotions within 22 days & reclaiming 59 hours per month due to improved productivity and mindset. She’s supported teams through conflict and taught her secrets to success to employees in Fortune 500 companies including Google, Pfizer, Amgen to name but a few.

Lucy has more than two decades of experience in the corporate world which makes her very relatable to corporate teams and has supported countless women in leadership and their teams globally to unlock their leadership potential and accelerate their impact. When it comes to instilling confidence and self-belief, Lucy is the #1 Coach for professional women in the world.

For more information about working with Lucy, visit www.lucygernon.com/contact