How to Win Your Divorce Without Destroying Your Financial Future

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." -Vince Lombardi 

The question is, what do you want to win?...More money?... Assets?...Do you want to inflict more pain on your spouse? 

The reality is, there is no winning in divorce.  When you take away the emotional baggage that typically plays a leading role in the process, a divorce is nothing more than a business transaction.  You and your spouse married and joined assets, but when you get divorced, you now are splitting up the marital household and going back to two separate lives.

Except there IS emotional baggage. You once loved each other and you've shared intimate moments and lasting memories over the years.  Now, you can’t separate that from the negative feelings you now have for each other, hence the reason you’re getting divorced.

But how do you get divorced without destroying your own financial future? Here are a few suggestions:

• Define what "Winning" Means to You-Making rational decisions during such an emotionally turbulent time feels impossible. You have every right to be hurt and angry however, obsessing over all bad things your spouse did to you will almost always backfire. Here's a tip...imagine it's 30 years in the future and you're looking backward to today, and ask yourself..."What would have to happen for me to have the best possible outcome from my divorce"? Make sure to write down everything that comes to mind as this will help with clarity and goal setting.
• Avoid the Peanut Gallery-Every divorce has a different set of issues. Your well meaning divorced friends and family may gladly offer you advice about what they think should happen in your divorce. This advice is often misleading and/or downright harmful. Every divorce has a unique set of issues and it’s best not to base your decisions on someone else’s experiences. Instead, rely on the advice you get from your divorce team (coach, therapist, financial consultants and attorney), all of whom are specialists and are familiar with the specifics of your unique case.
• Decide Who's College Education You Want to Pay For-Divorce is expensive. It's not uncommon for an adversarial, court-battled divorce to cost $50,000 or more in legal fees (many in excess of $100k) So, ask yourself this question..."Do I want to pay for my kid's college tuition or my attorney's kid's?". The answer may lead you to consider more cost effective alternative divorce options like mediation and/or collaborative divorce. 
• Get Uncle Sam on Your Side-It’s important to remember that after the divorce is final, you may get taxed on the marital assets you received through your settlement. Let's say your spouse handles all the investments and offers to split them 50/50. Sounds good, right? The only way to know if you’re getting a fair deal is to determine the value of the investments on an after-tax basis, then decide if you like the deal. Make sure you discuss the impact of any proposed property division with a financial professional trained in divorce before you agree to it. It could be the difference between retiring comfortably or working away your golden years. 
• Keep the House for All the Right Reasons-The family house in particular brings an emotionally charged debate to divorce negotiations, which can impair good decision-making. Frequently, divorcing spouses that are attached to the family home don’t realize nor do they want to admit that they can't afford to keep the house after divorce. This leads to significant credit problems, foreclosure and personal bankruptcy affecting both spouses for years to come. The real estate market crash has made it abundantly clear that homes can have a very low/negative return on investment and can be a major cash expense (eg., mortgage payments, property taxes, repairs, and utilities). It is important to consult with a Mortgage/Real Estate professional trained in divorce to discuss housing options and provide housing payment projections before agreeing to the divorce settlement.

One final thought...For those who would abandon reason in favor of victory should consider something else that Vince Lombardi said near the end of his life about the "winning isn't everything, it's the only thing" quote: "I wished I'd never said the thing...I meant the effort. I meant having a goal."