How to Be a Win-Win Negotiator

Your life is a series of negotiations. It sounds intense, but it's true. Whether deciding on a lunch spot with a friend, hashing out a disagreement with a coworker, buying a house, or discussing your salary, it's all about negotiating.

I've been diving into the world of negotiation at Vanderbilt University for years, teaching students to navigate and excel in these moments. One of our biggest conversations is about the importance of creating win-win outcomes.

We all nod to the idea of creating win-win situations, but let's be honest: we sometimes end up there when push comes to shove. Emotions run high, and we might not be as prepared as we thought. The other person may throw us a curveball, or we may be pressed for time. It's fascinating and a bit of a rollercoaster. So, let's explore together how to stay on the win-win track, even when the going gets tough.

If you want to become a true win-win negotiator, here are five behaviors to help you get started.

1. Think win-win?

Yes, this isn't a behavior; it's more of a mindset. However, leaving it off the list would be a true disservice. So, work with me.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People?( FranklinCovey ) discusses the importance of a win-win mindset (Habit 4). Win-win people come into situations looking for mutually beneficial solutions. They don't believe they will win at all costs, nor are they willing to play the martyr and let someone walk all over them.

They think, let's either find a win for both parties or agree to 'no deal'.

2. Ask, "What's a win for you?"

If someone comes to you and says that they have a win-win for you, your first thought should be, How do you know what a win is for me? You have yet to ask.?

Only you can define a win for yourself.?

Win-win negotiators start by asking what a win is for the other party. They don't assume. They recognize that what motivates one person may not motivate another.

So, they ask the question, listen to your answer, and confirm your understanding.

3. Share, "Here's a win for me..."

Once they understand what a win is for the other person, win-win negotiators take the time to describe what a win is to them. Asking about the other person's win and sharing their own is critical to creating win-win agreements and relationships.

In my experience, many communication, performance, and relationship breakdowns stem from a lack of shared expectations. Win-win negotiators ensure that both parties are clear on what a win-win looks like.

4. Explore possibilities

We are amazing creatures. Our ability to imagine and create is unlimited. Use this strength. In knowing what is a win for each party, win-win negotiators then explore how to create a situation where both wins co-exist, or better yet, something even better is created. Exploration allows each to determine how to overcome obstacles, address risks, or make both irrelevant. Win-win negotiators are fearless in openly exploring possibilities. They know that failing to do so often leaves value on the table that no one can claim.

5. Stay true to agreements

Win-win negotiators know that their greatest strength is their ability to create, maintain, and, if needed, restore trust. Trust is necessary for people to share their interests or explore possibilities. So, avoid tactics like backpedaling on agreements or emotional stunts to garner a bigger piece of the pie. Actual win-win negotiators act with integrity in every situation.

Make it a great day!

Patrick

P.S. In a recent newsletter article, I addressed win-win leadership (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/mastering-art-win-win-leadership-patrick-leddin-ph-d--yvinc/?trackingId=nAl8bSjQRwCc20H2fnlzfw%3D%3D). I received 100+ DMs about that article. Based on your interest in that topic, I decided to share today's article.