How Widening Your Decision-Making GAP will Change the Trajectory of Your Life

It all happened in a flash.?

I was frustrated, agitated, and angered by something my wife Natasha said. As with most potential fuses after 15 years of partnership, it was something small and irrelevant, more triggered by my own ego, insecurities, and mental stories than anything else. Nevertheless, within a flash, I had a response I knew would cut, sting, or hurt on the tip of my tongue.?

Then it happened.?

Within milliseconds, a gap opened up in my mind. For the blink of an eye, time stood still, and I was able to talk with myself about the unfolding situation.?

“You feel hurt, frustrated, enraged, etc. - and you feel Natasha is to blame”

“You want to make this hurt feel known and inflict damage as retribution. There are several comments you can make to do this. They are right there on tip of your tongue.”

“But what will that ultimately accomplish? You will hurt and belittle the person you love most in life, and deep down, you know they do not deserve it. Moreover, where are these feelings and emotions coming from? Deep down, you can sense this retribution is coming from a place of hurt or unresolved work within yourself…”

“Take a moment to pause and collect yourself. Take a big breath, let it out slowly.”

“Let’s choose to respond with intention, love, kindness, and compassion”

“If you have nothing kind or loving to say, let it go with no strings attached and be lazy (do not respond at all)”

By the time I’ve blinked and taken a breath, I have shifted states, down-regulated, and am able to respond with kindness, love, and clarity.

The gap changes everything.

The quality of our decisions is the leading indicator of the quality, fulfillment, and impact of our lives.

I tell people this story when I talk about one of the most significant ways meditation and other practices that help us connect and nurture our internal systems (nervous system, mind, heart, and body) have changed my life.

Meditation, in particular, has been the most potent tool for helping me widen the gap between stimulus and response. It’s important to note that this does not mean the response takes any longer; it doesn’t. Instead, there is a magic trick performed in my head, the result of increased cognitive focus, attention, and energy being deployed to a single point of presence, causing the feeling of time slowing down and the gap increasing.?

Imagine creating a moment of pause, down-regulation, and poised deliberation within every pressure-filled situation and decision in your life. Whether navigating an emotionally charged situation at work, choosing how we communicate with our partner or spouse, coaching and supporting our kids, or even the conversations we have in our own head, which can be self-sabotaging and undermining.

What would the impact of creating this gap be on the hundreds and thousands of decisions we make each day and week?

Widening the gap changes everything.

Adopting a relentless commitment to practice small daily rituals that help us increase the ownership and autonomy of our energy, focus and attention will change the trajectory of your life.

This is due to the sheer scale of stimulus and response we're exposed to daily. It immediately becomes subject to the principles of 1% trajectory shifts and compound non-linear growth. Our ability to mindfully and calmly choose better responses to each incoming stimulus begins to compound and significantly impact how we show up in the world around us and the growth we experience within.?

Simple, not easy.?

This is another one of the 100s of examples where a relentless commitment to the small intangible tools can have a disproportional impact on the fulfillment, presence, flow, and impact we experience in life.