How and when to start a chat with a mate who's struggling.

So you've noticed your buddy's been going through a tough time and you're wondering why they haven't spilled the beans to you, it's totally normal to feel concerned. You're just being a good friend, after all.

But here's the deal – there could be a bunch of reasons why they're not opening up. Maybe they're not sure how to put their feelings into words, or they're worried about burdening you. It could even be a cultural or family thing where they're not used to discussing their emotions. They might want help but are too embarrassed to ask for it.

As a friend, you don't have to wait around for them to spill the beans. You can start the conversation yourself. Here are some ways to do it without making it weird:

Do's:

• Invite them to catch up, whether it's in person or through a phone call or video chat. These methods are better than just texting because you can pick up on their nonverbal cues.
• Choose a chill spot for your chat, somewhere private and comfy.
• Begin by expressing your concern and support. Say something like, "Hey, you seem down lately, and I want you to know I'm here for you." Give them your full attention, ditch the phone, and make sure they know you're all ears.
• Be specific about what's bothering you. You can say, "I got worried when you mentioned..." or "I'm concerned because I've noticed you've been... (insert what you've observed)."
• Let them know they're not alone and that you're there for them, even if it's just with regular check-ins.
• Remember to practice self-care because it is very hard to help someone else when you’re not doing great yourself.

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Don'ts:

• Avoid judgmental or accusatory language. Instead of saying, "You're slacking at work," try, "I've noticed you seem distracted during our meetings, and it looks like something's on your mind."
• Don't bring other people into the conversation. Stay focused on your observations and feelings.
• Don't invite an audience. Keep it one-on-one.
• Try not to be confrontational or defensive. Listen to them without interrupting, and don't try to solve their problems. Sometimes, they might need professional help.

These tips are a good start, but remember to adapt to your friend's personality and your unique relationship. If you're not up for starting the chat, that's okay too. You can seek support for yourself from resources like Lifeline or reach out to another trusted friend or family member.

Now, if you've managed to start the conversation and your friend's open to it, you can suggest they consider therapy or support groups. If they're down for it, you can help them take that step. If they're lost on where to find help, they can make an appointment with their GP to discuss a mental health plan or call Lifeline for a chat with a trained counsellor.

But if your buddy shuts you down or brushes off your concerns, trust your gut.

If you are concerned about a friend harming themselves or someone else, it is important that you don’t try to deal with the situation alone. For immediate support please call one of the following 24/7 hotlines. Someone will be ready to take your call.

Emergency Services - 000

Lifeline - 13 11 14

Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800

If you think they would prefer to speak with someone face-to-face, we recommend visiting their GP (doctor) or their local hospital emergency department who will be able to have a chat with them about what is going on in their life and refer them to a mental health professional if need be.

Remember If you believe they are in crisis or need immediate help please call 000 or take them to the nearest Emergency Department.