How and When to Say No and Mean it!

Saying No is often not easy. But it's often necessary, personally and professionally. After all, you don't want to hurt people's feelings. You don't want people to be upset with or 'mad at' you. You want to accomodate people's wishes. You want to help out as best you can. However, too many people are more than willing to let you help out and will request more from you if you let them. When this happens, you need to learn how to say no.

"The duty we owe ourselves is greater than that we owe others." ― Louisa May Alcott

1.  If you have too much on your plate, you need to let people know this.

Otherwise, people will continue to ask for more. To be fair, one person may not know that several others have requested doing something for them. That is why you are responsible for letting others know.

2.  Ask people for reasons why they are requesting you to do things for them.

If they have a valid reason, you can consider doing it. But, if they are just trying to pass off their work, you will know from their response, and it will be easier for you to say no.

3.  Don’t beat around the bush when people ask for something.

They will perceive you as being weak, and they will take advantage of that weakness. Once they discover that, they will continue coming back for more requests.

“There are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don’t really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.” Elaine St. James

4.  You don’t want to cop an attitude when saying no.

You want to politely state that it is not the right time for you. If the requester gets agitated because you said no, stay polite, but firm. You are in control of your time, and you must let them know that.

5.  Some people refrain from saying no because it puts them in a martyr role.

They take on so much work to get others to feel sorry for them. Don’t fall into this trap. It is a thinly-veiled excuse, and you should not participate in this behavior. It will backfire on you after a while.

6.  Saying no to your manager is challenging. You need to be delicate but firm.

A good way to handle this is to remind her of what you have on your plate already. Ask to have her prioritize your tasks. Unfortunately, you will have to do what your manager says. If the requests become too unreasonable after a while, it may be time to look for new work.

7.  When you get better at saying no, make sure you don’t abuse it.

You should manage your time wisely, but you don’t want to come off as a slacker who won’t take any requests. It’s easy to get caught up in saying no and refuse every request. It is not in your best interest to do this.

"The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." ― Warren Buffett

HERE ARE THREE ACTIONABLE STEPS TO HELP YOU LEARN TO SAY NO

STEP ONE: Take a course on how to be more assertive. There are a few available on Udemy, although, at the time of this writing, there was only one that was free. You could wait until Udemy offers a discount which is quite frequently. Another option is to find training on YouTube. However, this is often associated with purchasing something, so just be aware of this fact.

STEP TWO: You won’t run out of opportunities to say no as people are always trying to find ways to get you to do things for them. Therefore, the next person who asks for something, simply say no, you can’t. Even if you have the time, you want to get the practice saying it. Do this once per month. People will start to respect that you aren’t the person to dump all their work on you.

STEP THREE: Sign up for a boot camp exercise class and make it to the classes at least three days per week. You will learn confidence from these classes. Besides, you will look and feel stronger which will make others think twice about asking you to do things for them.

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset or expects you to say yes all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say no without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.” Stephanie Lahart