The How, What and Why of Giving Sincere Compliments

Are you trying to become more approachable? Well, research shows that when you compliment others, you’re much more likely to be seen as sympathetic, understanding and attractive. Those traits go a long way when you’re trying to be more approachable and open to new experiences, friendships and relationships.

And, it’s not a difficult thing to do, either. There’s something about every single person that you can notice and compliment, however small or insignificant it may seem to you. You can compliment your partner, your colleagues, your employees, your children, the postman and even that person you just met. Seriously, everyone!

The best way to do it, though? Through delivering a Direct Positive compliment. This type of compliment is straightforward and lays out what you appreciate about their behaviour, appearance or possessions. Let’s look at an example:

Behaviour: You’re a really good coach.

Appearance: I like your hair today.

Possession: That watch you’re wearing is beautiful.

But, there’s always going to be a winner. And, out of these options, compliments about a person’s behaviour have been shown to have the most persuasive effect. But, how can you make them powerful?

1. Using the person’s name

Everyone wants to feel like they’re being heard and what better way to do it than addressing the person you’re talking to by their name? Using a person’s name creates a better level of interest in the conversation that you’re having and it invites them to listen intently to whatever follows. Basically, you pique their interest.?

So, anytime you make an important point, ensure that you preface it with the listener’s name to ensure you’re being heard. The attention given to that point, as well as how much they’ll remember it, are bound to increase.

2. Implementing the What/Why technique

What’s the point in saying what you like without explaining why you like it? At the end of the day, the power of the compliment depends on its sincerity and a compliment often isn’t perceived as sincere without a follow-up. Otherwise, it sounds like flattery and point-blank doesn’t work. Always say why you like it.?

Let's revisit our earlier examples and put both points together…

Behaviour: ‘Matt, you’re a really good coach because you make sure to dedicate some time to all of us.’

Appearance: ‘Carly, I like your hair today because it really brings out your eyes.’

Possession: ‘Rebecca, that watch you’re wearing is beautiful because it really elevates your outfit.’

In short, make sure you use the person’s name when you’re speaking and tell others what you like and why you like it. They’ll remember you and what you say for a longer period of time.?

What about receiving a compliment?

The rules for receiving a compliment are pretty similar to that for giving one, too. When someone pays you a compliment, accept it, thank them for it and, of course, prove your sincerity. For example:

Kennedy: “Your car is looking great, Tom.”

Tom: “Thanks, Kennedy. I made sure to give it a wash and wax this morning. The fact you noticed makes me feel great! I appreciate it.”

Accepting compliments shows others that you have a good self-image. Let me explain. Rejecting a compliment can come across as a personal rejection of the person giving it - the exact opposite of what you want to achieve.

Now, put it into practice.

Try and make it a habit to compliment three people a day on either their behaviour, appearance or possessions. Just watch how they react to you! You’ll quickly understand that it’s much more rewarding to give compliments than it is to receive them, too. And, as a rule of thumb, never pay a compliment that you don’t really mean. That’s not a compliment, it’s just flattery and it’s easy to spot.

So, give it a go and see how giving sincere compliments changes the way that you communicate with others!

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