How We Doin' Y'all?

I can’t believe the month of May really decided that she doesn’t like us. May is our prelude to summer and is meant to enjoyed for its gorgeous 75 degree weather with cotton candy clouds that stretches for miles. As if my reality wasn’t already pimp slapping me across my face, it rained the majority of the month and was so chilly that I was forced to wear a sweater.

A sweater?!?

Yes, exactly my point y’all.?

Disgust would truly be a kind word for the emotions that arised from me this month which is insane considering that May is Mental Health Awareness Month so there should be a sign up that says “currently on break from life’s problems, will return in June to pick up promptly”. So with that being said, let me check in with y’all to see how y’all are doing because although life right now ain’t like a box of chocolates, living is still a 1000 percent better than existing. For that reason, I wanted to share with you a few things that have kept me going these last few months and what I’ve learned about becoming a person of boundaries.

1. Take your meds & Don’t miss Therapy

-In all of the levels of honesty, I never expected for me to become a medicated girlie forreal. I knew that the things that I have felt and still feel aren’t necessarily normal but what is the definition of normal? Living in a single parent household with a sometimes hyper independent mother was normal to me but left me feeling overwhelmed and constantly anxious.

Being the youngest and the only daughter gave me unexpected pressure that even to this day, I question my worth and identity as a woman. I went to college and got my BFA degree but I also didn’t sleep for close to two months prior to my senior thesis show. I created close to 50 art pieces for my senior thesis but I was fighting for my life in my dorm room months prior due to an infection that I’m still not even sure how it happened.

Being in fight or flight mode since I was eight years old has left me with a burnout that I’m only now slightly recovering from. Vulnerability was a weakness that I hid because it wasn’t supposed to be shown, yet all I could manage to do sometimes was take a shower.?

It was too late when I realized that I relied excessively on the people around me to conceal the cracks behind the facade that I took years to build. It was a foolish attempt to be what everyone around me needed and gave more than what I could bear.?

The Result?

I spent 10 days in the hospital trying to rebuild myself into a person that cared about living due to my therapist seeing me lose my mind on our Telehealth appointment. They drove to my house and took me to the hospital where I had no choice but to sit with myself. Sit with the fact that there’s no-one to blame, no-one to please, no-one to smile for which felt relieving in one moment but ever so terrifying in another because those were my reasons to keep going. What did I have left?

Turns out that I had a lot.

Friends who visited me during that time and after I came out, a mother who I hadn’t talked to in a year, a father who called me right before I went to sleep to put me at ease despite a 6 hour time difference and I had me.

The me that I abandoned, the me who valued solving crossword puzzles like her grandmother, the me who loved to be outside with the sun beaming down her back as she reads words that transported her into worlds that erupted goosebumps on her arms. I needed that me to come back so I gained new reasons to keep going and made the decision to do weekly therapy sessions along with monthly sessions with my psychiatrist to monitor my moods.?

Vulnerability is a strength that should be envied but is so feared because society taught us that having weaknesses will only lead to an early grave. Being told to be strong as a woman and a Black woman at that, is simply taxing and aggravating. I’m not strong and I won’t claim to be ever again but what I will claim is Joy. Joy in learning to love myself, joy in accepting that it’s okay to be anxious but I’m not alone and was never alone.

If you’re struggling, know that it may not be okay right now but in the next 59 seconds, I want you to take a deep breath and go drink some water cause I know that you’re thirsty from all that crying. Heavens know that I am so let me follow my own advice.

2. It’s not your fault.

-When I tell y’all, this is one of the hardest lessons for me to be learning as an ex people pleaser. It is not your fault that they left. It’s not your fault that the friendship is over. It’s not your fault that a job decided to let you go and you haven’t worked in two months despite numerous interviews. I have to repeat this phrase to myself everyday and I like to remember how in the role that Robin Williams played in “Good Will Hunting” , he said “It’s not your fault” repeatedly not just for Will’s sake but for himself as well. Taking ownership for your actions is one thing but taking on the baggage of others will lead to anguish and regret.?

You can only maintain and manage yourself most days. Your first priority should always be you and people’s projections aren’t your responsibilty. Learning how to establish boundaries has helped me with regaining what I always wanted. People have called me selfish and disrespectful which on occasion still hurts but I would rather stand up for myself than to have them reinforce the image of the old me in their minds.

Even with my mother, we still have moments where she will say something that’s not very nice and I have to check her. Politely and with a bit of sass seems to be the go to combo but results may vary, so be warned that if it doesn’t work with y’all parents, I don’t wanna hear nothing!

3. Give Grace & Practice having an Abundant Mindset

-We are human and it’s okay to make mistakes despite us craving to be perfect ? at every waking moment. Me personally, I have a really hard time getting out of the mentality of calling myself a failure. Failure that I don’t have a job, failure in not being able to keep a relationship, failure in losing friends like the list goes on but is there a need for me to be so hard on myself when I’m only one person? I really do have to cut myself some slack because despite these things, I still be doing a lot of stuff regardless of the validation from others.

It’s nice to hear good things from people but it would be even better that I extend the grace that I give to others to myself. I’m doing a great job, a job will come and someone special will love me in the way that I deserve. You see that it’s easier for the negative things to spiral in our minds but the positive takes much longer because we think we don’t deserve nice things. We have society tell us to be successful but only in the way that it desires when that’s not the way for everybody.?

Burnout is so prevalent in 2024 and a lot of creators around me have kind of said the same thing. Like of course, I respect the hustle and grind but is it really necessary to do that 24/7 for the rest of our lives? Everyone’s path is drastically different so to compare growth by anybody’s else standard is foolish to me at this point. When we speak grace and abundance into our lives, we’re giving ourselves the opportunity to let go of the control that we think we need to have in order to live each day fully. Reframing our mindsets isn’t easy, it takes time and diligence to remind ourselves that everything will be alright even when it’s not. We lose things along the way that no longer serves us despite our intentions to hold onto them.?

Does it hurt? Yes.

Will it continue to hurt? Yes.

Will it last forever? Absolutely Not.

I hate to tell y’all to have patience when mine is always at 12% but if you take time to really look at the world around you then you will see that despite it moving, you’re still doing amazing wonderful things even when nobody’s watching. An artist is still an artist even when the world doesn’t recognize them as such so keep going, keep living and keep being you because someone out there needs you even when you don’t think that you’re worthy of that recognition.

Speaking with y’all about something that’s so personal and dear to my heart has been cathartic to say the least. I hope that this was helpful and you feel encouraged to keep going. Everything will be alright and if it isn’t right now then that’s okay. I’m here anytime that anyone needs a listening ear or a voice of reason. Take each day as the gift that it is and choose yourself.

Let’s talk soon y’all.

See you in two weeks for the next article titled: Worth the Hype (Music Edition).