How we communicate what we communicate

“I am feeling stifled. My supervisor wants to be part of all my meetings,” my client said exasperatedly.

“Ok,” said I.

“The work is getting slow as I have to make sure that he is available for each meeting,” he further added.

“Ok,” I responded. “So, I hear you that your supervisor wants to be part of ‘all’ the meetings and the work gets slow because of that. Have I got it right?”

“No-no. Not all the meetings but some meetings” corrected the client.

“How long has this been going on?” I asked.

“Since a year or so. Earlier it wasn’t like this. I don’t feel the freedom,” he offered.

After some inquiry with my client, I discovered the client was using closed-ended questions while fixing meetings. I asked his permission if we could explore the situation by doing a couple of role-plays between us. The client affirmed.

We did the role-play while using closed-ended questions in a conflicting situation. I asked him how was he experiencing the scenario in the role-play. He said with a grim look, “It’s discomforting.”

We got into a second role-play where we used open-ended questions with a conflicting situation again as a scenario. We arrived at a solution soon enough. I could see a wide smile emerging on his face and his shoulders opening up.

“How was this role-play?” I asked.

“This is so different,” said he.

In our conversation after the role-play, the client recognized the distinction between closed and open-ended conversations. He became quiet for a moment and said in a reflective mode that he was using a lot of close-ended questions with his teenage son. He had an Ah-ha moment with a realization that this kind of communication created a rift in his relationship with his son.

“Coaching is thrilling,” he blurted out in an excited tone, with a grin.

I was pleasantly amused at the client’s expression that ‘coaching is thrilling’.

Both of us enjoyed that precious moment.

Many a time our communication can be marred by how we communicate, oblivious of the approach we take. It is important to be aware of how we speak what we speak.?

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