How We Change,

The events of the past weeks have made me ask myself a few questions:

1. Why now? Why is it this moment when our country has decided to take strong action against police brutality, racism and oppression when these have been around for so long?
2. How do we make sure the lessons we are learning during the pandemic last?
3. What creates lasting change?

Answer to Question 1, “Why now?”:

In thinking about this question, I think about the ways the pandemic has been for us. It’s forced us to slow down and be more present and has taken away some of our usual distractions (other than the constant presence of kids in our homes!). And so when something(s) so jarring show up on our news feeds and on the news, we’re more equipped to pay attention.

Human nature is to stay on the hamster wheel because it’s familiar. Many of our clients complain of just running on auto-pilot and it is in that rushing mode that we miss so much - the small moments and the big pictures.

So as much as the pandemic has brought destruction, it’s also created space.

Answer to Question 2, “How Do We Make the Lessons Last?”:

And in that space lessons have been learned. As a country we’ve seen the break down of many systems and learned to more appreciate the things that were taken away. We’ve learned how to focus on the good, how to be patient and grateful for people who put their lives at risk every day just to make our society function. We’ve seen the veil lifted on the many ways people continue to be oppressed.

And during the last few months, my biggest fear has not been about getting sick; it’s been that everything that has been unveiled about our broken systems is just going to be forgotten as summer sweeps in. I fear all we’ve learned will be a flash in the pan.

So how do we make the lessons last?

We have to sit in the discomfort. We have to keep the conversations going. We have to continue to work on ourselves, dig deep and ask ourselves hard questions. We have to reach out to others, we have to be mindful in our responses and we have to be present. We have to stay awake.

I know this is a lot. I know this is overwhelming. I know you’re tired. But there are millions of people who every single moment of their days carry the burdens of immense anxiety, anger and fatigue over simply just trying to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

We owe it to them and to the future of our world to take this moment in time to do the necessary and the deeper work. I too have been guilty of being too busy, too in my own stuff to take on-going action. And I’m sorry. Deeply sorry.

Answer to Questions 3, “How Do We Change?”

“the pain of change has to be less than the pain of staying the same”

As humans let’s empower each other to be brave and embrace the pain of change. Because the pain of the status quo and doing nothing is too big.

Change requires discipline, commitment, awareness, time, energy, and on-going attention. Change is not something done overnight. Passion and motivation are good kick-starters but conviction to navigate discomfort is what really creates lasting change.

Change also is like peeling an onion. In therapy we often work on things like stress, anxiety, depression, relationships, life transitions, past trauma. But what about digging even deeper? Most of us still have a lot of work to be done on big-picture topics. We have a responsibility as humans to also work on:

• being more compassionate, empathetic and engaged with people who don’t look or live like us
• checking our privilege and how it’s shaped our responses and life experiences
• standing up for what’s right and why we are sometimes a passive bystander to things that are wrong
• being more courageous and calling loved ones, colleagues, peers and strangers out on their own prejudice, racism, ignorance and micro-aggressions
• confronting our learned behaviors, beliefs and biases that are passed down to each generation and shape our worldview
• removing toxicity from our lives in the form of people, influencers, and unhealthy coping mechanisms
• and making the unconscious, conscious like bias, cultural appropriation and avoidance of pain/fear/discomfort.

Now what?

Thank you for reading. Truly, I appreciate you being here. Below I’m sharing some ways you can stay engaged in doing the work and help create lasting change:

• Book a session with one of our therapists. We are experts in helping our clients navigate change and discomfort. We’re experts in holding a safe space for you to sit in the hard stuff, ask yourself difficult questions and self-reflect. We also hold you accountable to keep doing the work.
• Take Care of You. Without learning how to be compassionate to yourself, you cannot be loving towards others. Speak kinder to yourself.
• Start at Home. Buy products and support the businesses of local and minority populations, bring more diverse culture into your home by way of books, music and art, talk about race and social justice with your kids, be a good role model. Be kind at home. Teach good values. Practice discipline.
• Listen. Just listen.
• Filter Your Consumption. Observe how you consume news and information. Diversify your feed and your news source so you get new and different perspectives.
• Have Hard Conversations. Reach across the aisle. Engage with the people who aren’t on your same page. Pick up a “taboo” topic and lean into the awkwardness and vulnerability.
• Educate yourself. Read one of these, watch this movie, and listen to this. Not all in one night. Take your time and reflect. Be intentional.
• Donate. We contributed to Campaign Zero, Angel Kyodo William’s work, and the The Antiracist Research & Policy Center by buying this. Consider this campaign by our friends from MVMNT.
• Advocate and Act. Here are 75 things you can do, right now for social justice. Pick one. Start somewhere within the Anti-Racism Resource Guide.

Lastly, remember that we must slow down to have the capacity to change. It’s why our motto is #jointheslowdownrevolution. In the ramping back up of our communities, remember to savor the slow and not be in such a hurry to rush back to “before”. It wasn’t working too well anyway.

Ready to reset?

Our amazing team of therapists integrate the most recent innovative and research-supported practices into mental health care. Experience the difference in how you can take care of your mental and emotional well-being. Take that next step to schedule a consultation with one of us.