How to value people not based on behavior

You don't have to read this.

The Unfolding Weekly is to encourage you and maybe give you some things to think about.

Why are you reading this right now?

As I continue on my journey, I'm trying to ask myself such questions as often as I can.

Not only why I'm doing something, but checking in with my whole body to see how I'm showing up to whatever it is, and how things are landing with me.

Maybe even asking my most tense/scared/hidden/vulnerable place what it needs right now, if I'm feeling especially desirous of or ready for presence in the moment.

If you want to, ask those questions to your whole self right now. Maybe take a couple deep, slow breaths before you do (and/or during and/or after). This will still be here when you come back. If you do.

When you feel like you're ready, continue reading...

"The death penalty confronts us with a penetrating moral question: Can even the monstrous crimes of those who are condemned to death and are truly guilty of such crimes erase their sacred dignity as human beings and their intrinsic right to life?"

—Blase J. Cupich

Not just who you like. Everyone is valuable.

Adolph Hitler was as valuable a human being as Mother Teresa.

If we can't think that, it means we are attaching value to people based on our evaluation of their behavior.

Humanity will not be able to heal and overcome all of its violences and and destruction and dehumanizing practices and systems as long as we continue not being able to see people and behavior in that way.

“Basically, from the viewpoint of real human value we are all the same.”

―Dalai Lama

What these two humans did, and how their actions effected others and the world just are what they are, independent of their value as a human being.

Did Hitler do heinous things? Yes.

Did Mother Teresa do angelic things? Yes.

Do their actions change their value as a human? No.

We now live in the world shaped by their actions. Judging the people as "good" or "bad" because of their behavior does not make the world better or empower us to help and heal each other. It makes things worse.

Maybe that was a confusing comparison because of the scope of their impact.

Try this: a girl born to an unwed mother dying of AIDS on the side of a filthy street in Harare, Zimbabwe, who dies 3 days after birth—is as valuable a human being as Jesus of Nazareth. Does that make it more clear?

They both have incomparable value and worth which cannot be measured, altered, or denied.

“Scientists have discovered that the small, brave act of cooperating with another person, of choosing trust over cynicism, generosity over selfishness, makes the brain light up with quiet joy.”

—Natalie Angier

We have to learn to value each person because they exist, without any consideration of what they did or did not do, what influence they did or did not have, or whether most people would agree their presence on this earth had a positive or negative impact. Including ourselves.

Moving toward wholeness for ourselves and others requires us to be aware of our thinking, how we got it (& whether it's what we want), be in tune with our bodies & emotions, have the presence of mind to focus on the current state or situation without judging any person involved.

This is only possible if we are willing to do the work and live in the world in ways that influence & invite others to do the same.

The alternative is a world that continues to harm, disempower, destroy, devalue, polarize, compete, shame dehumanize, and otherwise move away from wholeness, peace, love, and joy.

"Your ordinary acts of love and hope point to the extraordinary promise that every human life is of inestimable value."

—Desmond Tutu

I'm not there yet. I know I still value myself and others based on my judgment of behavior and outcomes. But I am doing my best to practice moving toward valuing myself and all human beings without comparison or regard for what they do or don't do.

I encounter resistance inside myself and from others when I seek to see and treat everyone as worthy of love and respect, regardless of their status or behavior. It requires facing fears, systems of judgment, definitions of success and failure, lots of stories inside of me, and all manner of other things.

As I get more used to this work, it feels more and more like I am touching something much bigger than myself. It feels like I am finding something beautiful and deeply soul-satiating below all of the noise we've built our human world out of. It feels important. It feels real.

Where are you on your journey of how you value human beings, including yourself?

Are you doing things and having conversations that are moving you in the direction you want to go?

"It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship."

—Norman Vincent Peale

Things to reflect on

• What immediately came to mind as I read this week's reflection?
• What happens in me when I consider valuing the existence of both Mother Teresa and Adolph Hitler?
• What are my "but's"? How does all this relate to "evil" and "justice"?
• If I took it as a given that all human beings were infinitely valuable, unconnected to their behavior and its outcomes, how would I live differently? How would I treat others and myself differently? How would I interact on social media? What would change in my conversations?
• What do these answers tell me about myself, what I need, and where the leading edge of my personal work is?
• What do I want to ponder more? What do I feel I want to do? What am I noticing I need to let go of?
• How am I going to hold the insights or embrace the things I want to reflect more or act on after reflecting on these questions?

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