How validation helps me feel human.

Let’s forget about emotions being ‘bad’ or ‘good’ or even ‘ugly’…. ?

Being angry is OK.

Feeling frustrated, stressed or disappointed is part of daily life.

And sometimes feeling completely empty and lost is just necessary to know that change needs to happen.

Our emotions are our signals.

So, the next time you’re angry, or sad, or just lost, or anything other emotion for that matter – I’m going to share this with you now – remember, it’s totally normal.

You have a right to feel that way.

In fact, if you weren’t feeling that way, I’d be worried. Because having emotions and expressing our feelings is all part of being human.

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When I’m in the pit of connection to my emotions, the last thing I need is to be told that it doesn’t matter. Or that I need to just get out of it as quickly as possible… yes, I know that. But I just want you to be in that pit with me.

Hold me in the dirt.

Let me cry blood, sweat and tears in the dirt and get mucky with me. Once I’m done with being mucky, I’ll start to come out of it and find clarity and the light in my next steps.

What I don’t want as an automated response, and maybe this resonates for you…

“Why are you upset?

“Don’t worry about that now, just move on.”

“Keep looking forward, don’t work yourself up for nothing.”

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I really do understand the sentiment, staying positive and looking forward is a good thing… but I need to have my feelings validated. I want you to see me. I want you to hear me.

What I really need to hear might be along these lines:

“I know this is totally rubbish (aka sh*t.)”

“You deserve to feel angry and frustrated.”

“It’s totally normal you’re upset and want to cry.”

“I hear how you’re feeling, and you know that – I’m here for you, tell me how I can help?”

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We all need to be validated.

It’s part of how we connect to one another, and it also supports our feelings of belonging. I need to know that you don’t just see and hear me; but that you understand me. You ‘get’ me. You can show me empathy and just be there for me, even if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

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This was something I realised in my own recent career navigating from being a permanent employee to entrepreneurial coach. My winning and losing of clients impacts whether there’s dinner on the table, if I can take a holiday any time soon, or book a trip to London to see my family. So building my business is not just a target – it’s a ‘needs-to-must’. No target-met, no dinner on the table.

When I lost a large coaching programme in my journey to where I am today, my world as I knew it – collapsed in those moments. I felt heavy, sick and everything was grey. I didn’t know how to respond. Numbers were going around in my head.

Would I survive?

Can I do this?

Why did this happen?

I’m not good enough.

I’m failing.

When I read the said email that communicated this piece of work was no longer mine – I felt emotionally stabbed. Forget being hit by a bike (this is one of my physical memories as a young adult that hurt like hell!)… I feel like I’ve been hit by a lorry.

And that’s valid too!

When we experience emotional pain, it’s more painful and memorable than physical pain. Your body does that thing of releasing adrenaline to protect you from the pain as long as it can… so you have that rush sensation until you realise what happens. And sometimes we can’t even recall being physically hurt, it’s just the shock of it at the time.

But when you’re emotionally stabbed – it hurts.

We have all been there.

Harsh comments. Bullying. Aggressive conflict. Hearing unfair feedback. Losing a client. Losing a job. Not getting the job.

These are all personal to us.

It determines whether we feel seen and heard.

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So in those moments when the lorry hit me, and I lost the client work – I didn’t need my partner to tell me it’s OK and just learn from it. I needed him to be there with me – “This is totally cr*p. I can see why you’re so disappointed… Come and cry with me.”

Or something like that.

I know I’m going to be OK. I know I will get over it. I know I will learn from it.

(Being a coach helps…)

But ultimately, I’m just human. So come on down with into my pit with dirt and all – and just tell me it’s OK to feel these things and right now if this is where I need to be, this is where I need to be.

Tell me it's OK to be here, and I'll see you soon.

If this resonates for you and you need a space to be heard, I'm here to listen, support and empower you forward.

Let's talk about how I will help you grow into the best version of yourself:

[email protected]

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