How to Use Your Inner Intuition to Build Successful Relationships

In step 6 of Healing From Toxic Relationships, we've been talking about what kind of relationships you want to have, what are relationships to you, and how do we really learn about our relationships. Let's dive in even a little deeper.

Continuing what I said in the previous video about my five values, my fourth is trust. You have to trust yourself. And trust also starts with the self.

When you get to know yourself, when you really get to spend time alone, you start to trust yourself. There's nothing better than self-trust. It's the foundation for who you are because you will be able to trust yourself to say “yes” or “no” in any situation that presents itself—no matter how painful that experience might be.

But you'll no longer negotiate or compromise who you are for another just because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, or as a people pleaser, you want to make it okay for people. And that's where we lose our self-trust.

Our inner little human inside needs you to trust. She needs to know that you're going to make good decisions on their behalf.

That small, still voice inside, that little person inside, your little girl or boy that lives within needs to know you are making good decisions on their behalf at all times. That's where self-trust really stems from.

So trust starts with the self.

Can you trust yourself? Do you trust yourself? Are you saying one thing and doing another? Or do your actions follow through with your belief and what you want to bring in?

Don't forget, whatever it is that you are looking for in another, you have to make sure that you are showing up in that way. That is not negotiable. You can't look for something in another if it's not already in you.

How do you know that you can trust another?

When you trust yourself, you automatically open up a whole new dimension of communicating and aligning with people who are trustworthy with their word and with their actions to follow through. It's a beautiful journey to watch and witness.

My fifth value is honesty. So honesty, once again, starts with the self. Are we honest with ourselves? Because it's easy to lie to ourselves, and we don't even know we're doing it—we really don't.

“Is your outer life mirroring back to you what you want?

When it comes to being honest with ourselves, the thing that I want to say is: “Is your outer life mirroring back to you what you want? Are you experiencing in your outer life everything that you are? Is it joyful? Are the people in your life trusting? Are they showing up trustworthy and honest? And are they fun to be with? I mean, is your outer life what you want?”

Because if it's not, then there are some areas within you that get to be shored up. The only way we can see through the illusion in the lies that we tell ourselves based on social conditioning and programming—it's all subconscious programs—is looking at the mirror in front of us. How is our outer life mirroring back to us? What is it mirroring back to us?

If you don't like what you see in the mirror, then it's time to look within because that's where you have to get real and honest with yourself.

And it's a journey. It's not something that happens overnight.

To really fine-tune your relationships, first, you have to get very clear on your top 5 values. What do you value the most?

What I did with my top 5 values is I laminated them and put them in my wallet until they became second nature for me. Now, it's something that I check in on often.

We're really good at lying not only to ourselves but to one another because we meet each other when we’re our wounded selves. And you have to check in with yourself and say, “Is that a fit for me? Or is that not a fit for me? How does that really fit me?” And own it.

So you have to get really clear on those top 5 values and then let those be not negotiable for you.

If those top 5 things are not in place for you, you can say “yes” and fill up your space with half relationships and half life experiences. They might fill a void for a while, but eventually, they get stale and old, especially when you get clear on who you are and what's important to you.

So I challenge you to do this process: Come up with your top 5 values and spend time with yourself before you start looking for it in another.

Check in with yourself: Are you aligned with your 5 values? Do you communicate “these are mine”? Do you communicate your needs to others? Do you say what's in your soul?

I had an experience recently about a belief system that our kids have around the holidays. I said something to a friend and all of a sudden, and I thought, “Oh no. Was I on speaker? Did the kids hear me? And did I just blow the whole thing?”

I could have brushed it off, not said anything, and just gone about my day, but I knew that wouldn't feel good to me.

So I said, “Uh-oh. Ha! ha! Did I say something I shouldn't have?”

Right there, at that moment, I could trust myself to say what's on my soul in that hot minute. I know I'll do it because I just would not live a half-life any longer. It's easy to do—it's so easy to say “yes” when it's a “no” or a “maybe,” but I won't allow myself to do it.

It's being vulnerable. That situation with my friend put me in a very vulnerable position where I just wanted to cower down and hide under a rock. Instead, I'm like, “Nope, let's just have this conversation now because I value and cherish this person as my friend.” And I wouldn't ever want to show up in any other way than with full respect in all the values that I hold so dear to my own heart.

So, really check in with yourself.

Nobody else can do this journey for you. You have to want it, and you have to really want it because you will be tested and challenged along the way—every step of the way to go running back to safety and security, and to live half a life.

When you get comfortable being uncomfortable and all the things that trigger and ignite those aspects within yourself, it's stepping into those places and really aligning with the truth of who you are. What will happen is you will mirror it right back to you with your friendships and relationships. And if you choose to bring in that significant partner, there is a recipe for that.

I have witnessed and walked quite a few of my clients out of toxic and abusive relationships into magnetizing to them their divine soul partner. I have a pretty good track record with that.

I just want to share that because we really do get to create the life we were here to live, and you really did come here to live the life you were born to live—one that is filled with love and joy.