How to Use Your Failures to Reach Success (The Fail Forward Mindset)

Abe Brown, MBA, M.R.Ed, PCC Baseball is an incredible sport...

It combines athleticism with power and accuracy. But you know what else it demands? The ability to face failure over and over again. Did you know that the best batting average of all time was by Ty Cobb, who hit a .366? Now, what does that mean for us non-baseball players?

It means he only hit the ball 3.6 times for every 10 that were thrown at him.

Considered to be among the best offensive baseball players of all time, Cobb failed far more than he succeeded. As someone with a little bit of life experience under his belt, I can confirm that this supports this claim. I have run a successful coaching business for 15 years. Moreover, I've certified nearly 10,000 coaches within that time.

And these experiences have taught me something profound about overcoming failure.

It's simple: We need to embrace failure without it hindering us from moving forward toward our goals. This is the fail-forward mindset. And all successful people have it. And in this post, I'm going to teach you how to adopt this mentality as your own.

But first, it's important to understand why we fear failure by familiarizing ourselves with...

The Two Types of Fear You Need to Know About

Let me just address a common misconception many people have regarding fear.

Many people believe that all fear is bad. That's not the case. In fact, some fear is actually very healthy and rational. And that's the first type of fear you need to know about. If you're crossing the street and a car races toward you at 100 mph, the fear you feel as a result is very healthy.

Because it's going to motivate you to jump out of the way.

Conversely, there is also irrational and unhealthy fear (the second type of fear). So, the fear of asking someone out for a coffee, the fear of public speaking, and, yes, even the fear of failure are all irrational.

Achieving your greatest goals and ambitions is on the other side of fear.

Given this, how can you begin to brave the fear of failure? Moreover, how can you conquer negative thoughts, self-pity, and past mistakes so you can start to succeed? I have five things I want to share that can help with that process.

1. Begin to Use Self-Compassion

You have to start treating yourself with kindness.

Maybe you are someone (like many of us) who has tremendous empathy for others but lacks that same self-compassion for yourself. "Why is self-compassion important?" you may ask. Here's the deal: If you can't have compassion with yourself as a blanket default mode, how will you have it when you fail?

So, one of the best ways to overcome failure is to simply be kind to yourself.

2. Redefine Failure as Learning

Getting over negative feelings that come with falling short of our goals often comes down to perspective.

If you can shift your mindset and outlook, things can change very rapidly. And here's a terrible perspective that we all need to let go of: Failure is a person. You are not a failure for not reaching your goals any more than a keyboard is broken for an incorrectly spelled word.

And you can begin to recognize this by seeing each mistake as a lesson to grow from.

3. Acknowledge the Impact of Other People's Opinions

I had a client recently ask me to help her write a book.

I was happy to do it. And so we began working together. After a few sessions, she was gaining traction, making headway, and moving in the right direction. But then, guess what happened? She went home to her husband one day and told him she was working with a coach to help with her book.

And apparently, he got all up in arms and told her it was a dumb idea and no one would read her book...

After that conversation, this lady phoned me and said she had to stop working with me. Now, I was flabbergasted because we had made a lot of progress. So, I asked her what happened, and she told me about this situation with her husband.

And, of course, the toxic energy and negative words of her husband had impacted her to the point where she wanted to quit writing her book.

Why? Because of the opinions of someone else... Now, I'm happy to say that she and I sat down and discussed how to set healthy boundaries with others.

4. Visualize Success

Let's be honest...

What does it mean to be afraid of failure? All it means is that you're visualizing failure in your own mind. I help many of my clients overcome their fear of public speaking. And a big problem they have is they visualize themselves completely flopping when they get on stage!

And because they visualized it, it's now more likely that it will happen.

Why? Because the fear is the byproduct of the visual. So, if you want to stop fearing failure, stop thinking about it so much! Change the visual. Start seeing your own success. This is a simple and often overlooked strategy that can completely change everything for you if you commit to it.

So, what are the visuals you have?

What are you thinking about in your business, relationships, finances, etc? You need to start unpacking them and replacing them with empowering visuals. Worry gets replaced by winning when you start living this way.

5. Embrace a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is an adaptive toolkit that allows you to walk into a situation where you don't know what you need to know. But it enables you to learn what you need to know so you can flourish and thrive.

We've all been in situations where we were over our heads.

When faced with such circumstances, you have two options: First, you can get overwhelmed and run away. The other option is to learn what you need to learn to overcome the situation. I remember when I was a child, I always feared water.

I had nearly drowned numerous times as a child, so my fear was undoubtedly justified.

However, one day, when I was about 6 years old or so, I thought I'd just go into the water up to my knees. A couple of days later, I had enough confidence to go in up to my waist. I continued this until I felt comfortable enough to launch into the pool and start swimming.

The result? To this day, I absolutely love swimming!

And it all stemmed from my embracing a growth mindset by gradually exposing myself to what I was most afraid of.

Final Thoughts

Failure is part of life. The sooner we accept that the sooner we can learn to embrace it and use it to our advantage. However, this is not a process you have to do alone. We at Certified Flourishing Coach can help. Our team of expert coaches and facilitators can help you move past your failures and toward your goals with a proven, science-backed system to start flourishing in life and business! So, if you're ready to flourish, contact us today to learn more.

About the Author

Abe Brown, MBA, CMCT, CPHSA is the Coach’s Coach, and is an Entrepreneur, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling Author, and High-Performance Leadership Coach. He is the founder of Certified Flourishing Coaching??and Flourishing Workplace. Abe is also the author of the Certified Flourishing Coaching? Programs.