How to Use Story to Discover and Define Your Personal Philosophy

The following is adapted from my new book, Story Like You Mean It.

We use stories to connect with the people around us. Whether it’s a partner, a coworker, or a job interviewer, we use stories to shape how the other person sees us. We use stories to demonstrate our worth and value to them.

But the power of story goes beyond that. When we develop our own story, not only do we gain deeper connections with others (and take charge of how they see us), we also begin to understand the knowledge and reality that make up being alive. In other words, we begin to understand and define our own philosophy.

Defining our own personal philosophy grounds us. I know many of us—even if we haven’t consciously thought about it—are longing for solid ground in these uncertain times. So let’s look at how you can use story to discover and define your personal philosophy. I think you’ll be glad you did.

Interpreting Your Life

To develop your compelling core story—what I call your PeakStory—you have to work through your life’s formative experiences. You have to figure out why they were important, how they shaped your view of the world, and how they contributed to the person you were, the person you are, and the person you want to be. 

In other words, developing your PeakStory helps you reflect. And reflection leads to an engaged life. And on a large enough level, it becomes a philosophy that enables you to interpret reality as you live it in the way that is most helpful to you. 

Everyone can live a manifestation of a reflective life that is informed by the pathway revealed by the PeakStory. That pathway requires us to move from hero to working with others, then discerning what kind of work with others makes us feel truly charged.

The result is that we can emerge as a kind of super-evolved, self-actualized person who can say, “I love this life. I have to do this life and nothing can stop me.” And that’s the definition of living an engaged life. 

Getting to a Meaningful Life

Examining your life isn’t enough on its own. You have to integrate whatever you discover into your PeakStory. You have to move the thing from inside you to the outside, because life is a social sport. Being social is a major source of our happiness. 

The psychologist and writer Marty Seligman studies happiness and identifies three types: a pleasant life, an engaged life, and a meaningful life. With intention and reflection, each can lead to the next. So, by the time you’re living a meaningful life, you’re living a life marked with purpose, significance, and real happiness. 

Think about the decisions you make and how they are leading you to a pleasant life, an engaged life, or a meaningful life. Don’t forget it’s a hierarchy. A meaningful life is the most rewarding life. 

At the level of the meaningful life, you bring yourself into alignment with the characterization of yourself through the story. In other words, you don’t chicken out. 

This is your story. You lean in and go through, and you say no to things. And, if you dig in and do the work of defining your PeakStory, it will be the pathway to a meaningful life. 

Enacting Your Narrative

To live a meaningful life means you are enacting your narrative all the time. For example, you’re using it to decide if you take this job or that job, whether it’s a teaching position or a nonprofit role, or even a promotion that shifts you away from the thing you like to do.

If you love to work with children, say, and somebody offers you a training job, it might be a chance to enact the PeakStory as a philosophy. The philosophy asks you to go back and look at your narrative and then match it up. 

What competencies or motivations did you claim? Go back and look at your formative experiences. Consider what traits, competencies, and motivations they demonstrate. How do they fit into your PeakStory? This will help you see where you are and where you wish to go. 

Don’t do things that aren’t going to align with the narrative because then you’re drifting. Start to clean up your life, and you’ll see that this philosophy can add strength to your existence. 

Telling Your Story

The key is that the story has to be told. It can’t remain an internal narrative. It must come out of someone’s mouth to spark dialogue, to spark conversation with somebody else. 

When you can tell your story with different cadence, pace, and pause, and in different venues, at the beginning of speeches, self-introductions, even ad hoc moments, you feel simpatico, resonant. You feel like you are where you are with strength and confidence, and people see it and know it. And then you get invited into more conversations. 

Congratulations. You’ve taken the philosophy and enacted it in your life, walking through the world, telling your story in relationship to others and in relation to your own positive-value points. 

You’ll find that you become more empathetic to others and them to you. Everyone wonders, “Who is John in accounting anyway?” or “Who’s the new kid on the block, the transfer in from the competitor’s company?” 

And when you have the courage to tell your story—and it doesn’t even require much courage because it’s true and because it’s not the same sort of put-you-to-sleep story people usually tell—that demystification starts to create relationships.

Making Your PeakStory Your Anchor and Your Compass

So now you see how you can use your story to discover and define your personal philosophy. Your PeakStory becomes both your anchor and your compass. 

Exactly how you tune your story and mesh your gears depends on the person you are, where you are in your life, and what you need to live. The beautiful thing, though, is that no matter where you are in your life, when you define your story, you can live a meaningful life that’s aligned with who you are.

For more advice on how to create a powerful, authentic story, you can find Story Like You Mean It on Amazon.

Dr. Dennis Rebelo is a professor, speaker, and career coach. He is the creator of the Peak Storytelling model, his research-based method for crafting the narrative of who you are and what drives you and why, utilized by former professional athletes turned nonprofit leaders as well as entrepreneurs, CEOs, guidance professionals, and advisers throughout the world.

Dr. Rebelo, former president of Alex and Ani University and co-founder of the Sports Mind Institute, recently received the 2020 Thomas J. Carroll Award for Teaching Excellence at Roger Williams University. He currently resides in Rhode Island.