How to use Self Control to Win the Race

I focus too much on how I feel. I think we probably all are guilty of this at some point.

"I don't want to get up early to go to the gym." "I feel like eating a whole carton of ice cream." "I feel sad that I gained weight." "I don't feel like working on the proposal/project/fill-in-the-blank." "I feel. I feel. I feel."

There's so much emphasis on feeling positive and feeling happy, our feelings can become an excuse for not getting stuff done. I'm not saying that focusing on positivity is a bad thing - I've written plenty about it before.

But! This week, I dedicated my column - "The Communicator" - found in Ireland's largest circulated newspaper, The Sunday Independent, to developing the emotion-free power of Self Control.

Take three minutes to read, and take back control of your life. [You can click the link above to go to my column directly on the Sindo's website, or just keep reading below... ]

Hugs, Gina.

What's your level of self-esteem? What's your level of self-control? Which do you believe is most beneficial for success in your career and life?

Often, the spotlight seems to be aimed at self-esteem. Defined as "confidence in one's own worth and abilities", institutional efforts to instill a sense of positive self-esteem are evident early in the formative days of childhood.

I remember when my daughter was seven, she took part in her school's sports day. I watched as she and half-a-dozen other little girls, in matching shorts and T-shirts, lined up on the track for a foot race.

The start was signalled and, although the distance was short, most of the runners lost focus. Indeed, one girl ran straight and true and crossed the finish line first. But the rest, including my darling offspring, wildly careened around the track like little drunks.

Some were jogging, some twirled in circles. My daughter clasped hands with her best friend and skipped. She finished sixth. Out of six. My mouth gaped as each "athlete" received a medal.

"Why did you get that?" I asked.

"Everyone gets one," she replied, skipping off somewhere else.

It appeared the lesson was to replace reward for achievement with reward for simply showing up. A plan to boost the self-esteem of each sprinter - or skipper, as the case may have been. Make sure they feel good about themselves. Everyone is special. Precious. A "snowflake". There, I said it.

Now contrast that with your thoughts around the idea of "self-control." Defined as "restraint exercised over one's emotions, impulses or desires", this calls for you to not be impulsive. Don't give in to temptation. Resist your desires. What a downer.

Yet Professor Roy Baumeister, a social scientist at Florida State University and author of numerous studies on self-control, maintains:

"Self-control is much more powerful and well-supported as a cause of personal success. Despite my years invested in research on self-esteem, I reluctantly advise people to forget about it."

His studies illustrate how important it is to develop the ability to re-frame "hot thoughts" or "triggers" - the wide range of unique circumstances or situations which serve to distract or tempt you. Like the many times I've been writing this column, when I've felt the urge to check my email inbox or Instagram page or some other thing not directly connected to my task at hand. Distractions prevent us from completing projects, writing a proposal, or getting to the gym.

Baumeister's research shows strengthening our self-control abilities directly connects to higher GPAs, lower rates of teen pregnancy, higher future income and just about anything else most people want to achieve.

So, what can we do to help ourselves become more self-controlled?

1) ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE

Understanding you are responsible for your actions is the first step toward achieving better self-control and discipline. Research demonstrates that simply by beginning to remind yourself that you can control your feelings and you are able to deal with stress, begins to make it so. Conversely, if you believe everything is out of your control, it will be.

2) SET A GOAL

I always ask my clients to identify a goal. If you have a goal, you can make a strategy and concrete steps toward realising it. The more narrowly described and specific, the more achievable it will be. Write down the goal and write down detailed steps you need to take.

3) JOURNAL

Keeping a record or a log of each day's effort toward your goal will help you monitor your behaviour patterns. Reflect on your entries. Once you detect patterns in your behaviour or reactions to triggers, you can course correct.

4) PREPARE

Write down the identified environmental triggers which cause you to become tempted or deviate from your trek toward your goal.

Now, actively prepare a plan of attack. For instance, I now collect my research or interviews for my column before I need to write it. Then, when actually writing, I do it offline so there's no way I can open another window to check my email or peek at my social pages. The phone is turned off. Imagine your own scenario and prepare a plan in your mind or, better yet, on paper. Remember, you are in control.

5) KEEP MOTIVATED

Accompanying your journal, I also urge you to seek outside encouragement. A coach, either in person on via an online app, is key to reminding you of your progress.

After you succeed, then what?

Research also connects a person who has cultivated a self-disciplined positive personality with that of someone who also has a positive level of self-confidence and self-esteem. For instance, if you discipline yourself to running every week, you will finish in a stronger position than if you hadn't. That, in turn, will boost your confidence and self-esteem.

The combined effort and results are much more rewarding than a token plastic bronze medal. Keep running!

• With corporate clients on five continents, Gina London is a premier communications strategy, structure and delivery expert. She is also a media analyst, author, speaker and former CNN anchor. @TheGinaLondon