How to use this pandemic to feed the right wolf

If you're anything like me, as the pandemic unfolds you may be struggling with uncertainty and sometimes feel lost as the crisis drags on day after day.

There are an infinite number of things about this crisis that I cannot control, and when I catch myself dwelling on them, my day gets worse, I feel worse, and the difficult situation we're all in together seems to be happening to me alone.

But when I focus on the things I have control over - the actions I can take, what I read and watch, the topics I talk about, and what I pay attention to – I find my ability to be compassionate, present, and open to whatever is to come next gets stronger. By intentionally forming good habits in daily life, I become more solid, grounded, and better able to be rational in the face of chaos and crisis.

I learned how to do this with my meditation teacher's guidance over years. There's an old Native American tale called The Story of the Two Wolves, that illustrates the strategy well.

The story is short, but its meaning goes deep and is very practical:

An elder talking to a child says, "I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is fearful, vengeful, envious, resentful, and deceitful. The other wolf is compassionate, loving, generous, truthful, and peaceful."

The child asks, "Which wolf will win the fight?"

The elder responds, "The one I feed."

One wolf represents the negative aspects of our experience, (fear, anxiety, anger), and the other, the positive (appreciation, compassion, kindness, etc.). Their perpetual fighting in the elder's heart is each aspect begging for attention. The way we choose which wolf to feed is by choosing where we put our attention.

The information about our situation is forever incomplete. Yet I find my self constantly interpreting the latest development as 'good' or 'bad' and trying to make predictions. I seek out evidence to validate my latest assessment and sharing my conclusions with others to convince myself that my prediction is correct. Spoiler alert: it never is. Why?

The first choice that I am not often aware of making is: Which wolf have I been feeding?

The wolf you feed wins the fight for your attention. And the wolf that wins, is the one you spend the most time with, and the one you start to befriend.

What does feeding the wrong wolf look like?

Here's what it looks like in my life:

• Binge-watch one show after another on Netflix
• Compulsively checking social media dozens of time a day, as soon as I open my eyes in the morning, and right before I fall asleep at night.
• Eating high-calorie snacks instead of healthy meals
• Neglecting my daily exercise and stretching routines

I start noticing that I'm feeding the wrong wolf when I catch myself lost in a loop of doomsday hypothetical scenarios about the future, or indulging anxious theories with one google rabbit-hole after another. Then at some point, I shake my head, sit back in my chair with a dry mouth and realize an hour has passed and my neck hurts.

When I snap out of the stupor, at that moment I usually feel out of it, lethargic, frustrated, out of control, and deeper in despair than I was before. Right there. That's what noticing your feeding the wrong wolf looks like. It's not always possible to spot, but there are windows throughout the day when it's easier to see. Keep an eye out for windows, and try noticing when you're feeding the wrong wolf, and when you do, celebrate. Daily meditation helps increase the odds that when a window appears, you'll have enough mindfulness to notice what's going on, and a have a chance to stop the feeding frenzy.

This is everyone's first pandemic, but it's not my first crisis. I've experienced everything in my life falling apart before. And after eight days of forgetting, I remembered what to do. I had a sense that I'd been here before, and switched into self-care mode.

I started feeding the other wolf. Here's how you can too.

Start feeding the other wolf

Once I realized I'd been feeding the wrong wolf, I was ready for step two: acknowledging out loud that yes, there is a lot I can't control – and also a lot that I can.

I started to look for ways to feed the other wolf and proactively bring lightness, appreciation, and joy into my daily life in practical and repeatable ways. Not only does this effort give me something positive to focus on, but it also prepares me for when the next unexpected thing happens, and makes me better able to stop and process what to do next with a rational mind and open heart.

So I added a second mediation session to my routine – one at night in addition to the morning. I also got serious about practicing gratitude. I end each meditation by silently identifying and expressing gratitude for something specific in my life. Then each morning with my team, along with sharing what we're working on and how we're doing, we each share one specific thing we are grateful for or one specific characteristic that we appreciate about someone we know.

Daily gratitude practice has helped me keep the infinite number of things in my life that support me, in focus. It helps me remember that when life's vicissitudes happen, that I'm not entitled to a healthy body, a good job, or to live forever. But that everything I have, that I've worked for, and my life itself is a gift. A temporary, and utterly precious gift. I've practiced gratitude in different ways for years now, and it has transformed my relationship to how I view life (and the science agrees).

To get myself out of my head and into my body, I started doing 30 min body-weight workouts at lunch in my dining room (the Nike Training app is great), then my wife and I (both working from home) started taking 15-min walks in the late afternoon together.

I also started monitoring the number of minutes – and times of day – I allow myself to read or watch pandemic related news. It may be in the mainstream- and social-media company's best interest for me to endlessly saturate my mind with a firehose of information, opinion, and advice. But it became so exhausting and overwhelming that I decided to stop and take control of my consumption habits.

I've found that thirty minute to one hour at the end of the day consuming pandemic updates is tolerable, but I don't check before lunch. To ensure I'm feeding the other wolf as nutritiously as possible, I use the following information curation tactics.

Three shortcuts to save time and energy when getting pandemic updates

I only get pandemic updates directly from one of these three places:

1. Direct from the source – actual footage of interviews with experts or statements from officials
2. Pre-digested from trusted online communities I've been a part of for a while to see what the general consensus is on the latest update
3. Influencers or commenters who I trust, relate to, and admire, and have followed for some time

You'll notice that the mainstream media news outlets are not on this list. Sticking to these three shortcuts saves me a lot of time and spares me the emotional energy it takes to filter through the hyperbole, ideological agendas, and 'hot takes' that the mainstream media news outlets layer into their stories to monetize my attention by triggering my clicking finger, transfixing my eyeballs, and in general, manipulating audiences into feeding the other wolf.

As a species, humankind has a fair bit more struggle to come in the days ahead. Our bodies are at war, and our enemy is an unthinking, unfeeling, virus. There's a lot about this war that I don't understand, but I know one thing: indulging my fears and frothing my anxieties doesn't help me, or help the people I interact with each day.

Feed the right wolf to help flatten the curve

It's everyone's responsibility to take care of themselves. I don't trust organizations I have no influence in or individuals I have no personal contact with to take care of me. That's my job, and I want to do it as well as I can. And as much as that job is on mine – and all of our shoulders – we are for the first time in history, literally all in this together. I am not alone. You are not alone.

I had a lot of help over the past six years, learning to and practicing feeding the right wolf. I hope this post has helped give you some ideas on how to do that too. We owe it to ourselves, our loved ones, and all human beings to take care of our minds as diligently as we wash our hands.

Feed the right wolf, and the emotional and psychological damage this virus can inflict on our minds, will be as reduced as not touching our faces helps to keep our bodies healthy. We need each other if you're reading this: I need you! Together in isolation, we can all become better able to offer support and stay connected in the coming weeks.

What are you doing differently to take care of yourself these days? How are you choosing to feed the right wolf?