How to use the language of your mind to communicate powerfully and effectively when writing

Would you like to hear about a theory that absolutely rocked my world when I first heard it?

It works really well for verbal communication - and it's also highly effective for written communication.

The concept is borrowed from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which focuses on the power of language and what it triggers in the brain.

The part of NLP I'd like to focus on here is the Three Perceptual Positions.

Consider this: whenever you're writing, whether it’s an email, report or memo, you are in one of three positions in your mind.

What you need to consider however, is that you don’t have any nonverbal elements of communication to help you get your message across. In the words of that ancient philosopher, Barry Gibb (ha!), “It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away.”

Take it from Barry; words have weight. It's important to choose them carefully.

So what exactly are these three perceptual positions?

First position

The first position is all about you. When you're viewing the situation wholly from your own perspective, you're operating in first position. It's all "I", "Me" and "My".

You might notice that a lot of the time we write in this mode. A lot of people essentially word-vomit onto the page or screen, focusing on telling the other person what to do.

Often we use language that’s heavily focused on ourselves, such as “I need this...”, “I’m concerned about this...”, “This affects me because...”. Does that sound familiar?

Of course this can have its place, for example when you need to express an opinion - but too much “I” language can be an absolute turn-off for the reader. I’m sure you can think of someone in your life who talks about themselves non-stop! You'll have the same impact if you write too much from your own perspective.

Have a look at some of your most recent emails. Are you seeking a lot of “I” focused language? If so, you might be spending too much time in first position.

Second position

The second position is all about the other person. In written communication, that's your reader or readers. This is where we show empathy and curiosity about the reader’s thoughts, often using a lot of “you” focused language.

For example, “How is this for you?”, “How do you feel about this new system?”, “Thanks for your feedback on...”.

Using “you” focused language is a powerful way to make sure your reader feels included and that their views are acknowledged. Forbes says, “When you wear the reader’s hat, you understand their perspective and their lens, and you communicate powerfully and effectively.”

Ideally, you need a balance of “you” and “I” focused language in your emails. Too much “you” language might make you come across as a bit of a doormat - scared to express an opinion - but too much “I” language can appear self-absorbed.

Third Position

Finally we have the third position which, as you've probably guessed, is all about “we” and “us” language. This is the helicopter view – when you speak from the perspective of everyone involved in the situation.

Here we can reach a shared outcome, such as “Let’s move forward by doing this…”, or “How do we go about achieving this...”.

This is an excellent way to bring all parties together, successfully communicate your message and ultimately influence the outcome of the email.

As Forbes experts reiterate, written communication skills are so important to both our personal and professional lives. “If you aren’t getting the written message across effectively, you risk misinterpretation.” Using the three positions wisely can help avoid misunderstanding and improve your written communication.

We move between these positions naturally, all day every day. But when writing, you can choose which position to apply.

Why not try to use these perceptual positions in your next email? See if the balance is right for you. I’m confident this will be a powerful tool to add to your communication skill set.

Dr Neryl East is a professional speaker and facilitator who shows current and future leaders how to be heard, stand out and command influence. Connect with her:https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/neryleast/