How to Use a Child Centered Representative in a Child Centered Mediation:

I've gotten a lot of questions about child centered mediations. I've had attorneys go on-line and provide me details of what the role of a child representative is at a child centered mediation is (and for that matter what it is not). At this point in the conversation I'd say that there are differing models in how child representatives are used.

Simply put, Child reps when used are used in different ways and under different models of mediation.

We need to decide HOW the child representative will conduct themselves at the mediation in our community. The child rep needs to have necessary skills to make these types of mediations successful.

The options are that:

A. The child rep acts like an advocate for the child and provide a position to address the child's wants, needs and concerns (Evaluative)

B. The child rep provides the child's voice and then provides options and resources to the parents to help facilitate an agreement between the parties. (Facilitative)

C. The child rep is present to offer the voice of the child and be present to answer questions and provide answers to parents who find themselves in conflict. (Relational/Transformative)

Benefits/Drawbacks of each approach

The child rep acts like an advocate for the child and provide a position to address the child's wants, needs and concerns.

Benefits:

1. It takes the child out of the litigation.
2. Rather than speaking to a judge the child is assured that their voice will be given to a nuetral who will carry their voice for them. T
3. This evaluative model is what we'd be used to, it will resolve the conflict at hand for sure.

Drawbacks:

1. Cost - You don't need a child rep to tell you what a child's position is - the parents typically already know what the child's preference is.

2. This style of mediation will limit the ability of the child rep to do what they do best which is to help parents engage in conversation in a safe and neutral environment. What the parents may not know is WHY their child is stating a preference. What the parents may not know is WHAT the child's goals or concerns are. It's not the fact of the preference, it's the WHYS and the WHATS that form the points of discussion parents typically will want to explore.

3. Advocating the child's position can infuriate a parent and make them like their parenting choices are being attacked (example: child rep telling a parent that the child wants to use their cell phone 24/7)

The child rep provides the child's voice and then provides options and resources to the parents to help facilitate an agreement between the parties.

Additional Benefits -

1.It takes the child out of the litigation.

2. Allows child for their voice to be heard.

3. The child rep provides options that the parents may not have otherwise thought about using.

4. May be the best option for warring parents who have no vested interest in communicating with one another.

Drawbacks - The child has a perspective.

1. Having the child rep being directive, acting as an advocate being bossy and laying out options and resources to settle the dispute is troublesome. Why? Not letting the parents ask questions talk through the child's goals, concerns and preferences does not allow the child's total story from being told.
2. Preventing the parents from talking means that the voice of the child is not fully explored by the child representative or by the attorneys or mediator. (Think of the teenager wants to move with dad. The reason for this? The child wants to move with dad to change schools to avoid bullying at school. Talking about preferences of the child is one thing, having the parents engage in conversation to discuss how they will meet the actual needs of the child is another).

The child rep is present to offer the voice of the child and be present to answer questions and provide answers to parents who find themselves in conflict.

Benefits -

1. It takes the child out of the litigation.
2. Rather than speaking to a judge the child is assured that their voice will be given to a nuetral who will carry their voice for them.
3. If the goal of the mediation is to help parents start to co-parent when then this is a great approach! Studies show that a mediation model that allows parents to listen understand and respond have the best opportunity to resolve not only their past conflict but their future conflict as well.

Drawbacks -

1. Parents in high conflict may not care about the wants and needs of their children. as they are more vested in the fight than they are creating solutions for their kids. Child rep may be forced to be more facilitative to provide mediator and attorneys present with OPTIONS for settlement.
2. Lack of advanced training that will be required for child centered mediation to be truly successful.