How to Upgrade Your Mental Operating System, Pt. 7

Maybe, We’ll See

We’ll start the final article in this series with a parable about a farmer and his horse.

An old Chinese farmer had a strong and healthy horse. His neighbors told him “how lucky you are to have such an amazing horse.” He replied, “maybe, we’ll see.”

The next day his horse ran away, and his neighbors told him “how unlucky you are for your horse to run away.” He replied, “maybe, we’ll see.”

A few days later the horse returned with a herd of horses, and his neighbors told him “how lucky you are for your horse to return with even more horses for you.” He replied, “maybe, we’ll see.”

The following morning, his son was riding one of the new horses, fell off, and broke his leg. His neighbors told him “how unlucky you are for your son to be injured.” He replied, “maybe, we’ll see.”

A war erupted, and government officials came to the farm to conscript young, able-bodied men. The farmer’s son was not conscripted because of his broken leg. His neighbors told him “how lucky you are for your son to be spared going to war.” He replied, “maybe, we’ll see.”

Something we can be certain of in life is that we are going to encounter unexpected circumstances that have the potential to knock us off course with our intentions. This final article in the series on how we can ACCESS our mental operating system to upgrade it focuses on a powerful perspective of surrender.

• A: Awareness
• C: Compassion
• C: Connection
• E: Enjoyment
• S: Systems
• S: Surrender

Conceptual Understanding Vs. Experiential Understanding

I had a conversation earlier this week with a fellow coach who is also a mother. We were discussing our practices, and we spoke about a framework on conceptual and experiential understanding that I’d like to share.

Being a mother, she obviously has first hand experience with pregnancy and child birth. She has an experiential understanding of it because she had the actual experience. As a guy, I will never have anything more than a conceptual understanding. Even if I was doctor that helped deliver babies multiple days a week over decades and studied all the research, I would still only have a conceptual understanding.

This concept applies to us when choose to change our lives. To change our lives, we must change. Of course there is value in taking time to get clear on what we want and develop systems to help us, but we have to actually to go through the experience of changing ourselves for our lives to change.

"People grow through experience if they meet life courageously and honestly. This is how character is built." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Getting Back Up Again and Again

So yeah, it’s a simple thing to say that we must be willing to experience the discomfort and dangers of the unknown if we want change in our lives. It’s also hard because it is inevitable that we will face challenges. I want to specifically call out that I used the word “inevitable.” While it is inevitable that we will face challenges, we have a choice as to how we respond and assign meaning to these challenges. Once again, a simple concept that can feel impossible to implement at times. I am going to briefly revisit the ACCESS framework concepts covered up to this point as it points to ways we can face these challenges without giving up.

• A: Awareness - Practicing awareness helps us to recognize our conditioned thought patterns and not fall into a perpetual loop of “mental autopilot.”
• C: Compassion - Practicing compassion helps us to treat ourselves with kindness when we’re struggling rather than judging ourselves harshly and feeding the conditioned programs that cause us to doubt ourselves.
• C: Connection - Practicing authentic connection with people who encourage us gives offers us support and decreases the mentally catastrophic effect of feeling alone.
• E: Enjoyment - Practicing enjoyment even during the tough times helps us to remember that we are alive.
• S: Systems - Practicing working with systems gives us reminders and helps us build habits of belief and confidence that will keep us on track.

“Surrender is surrender to this moment, not to a story through which you interpret this moment and then resign yourself to it.” - Eckhart Tolle

Choosing Joy and Surrendering Judgment

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you see light on your path. I hope you choose to show up for yourself over and over again. Doing so will dredge up uncomfortable feelings that will point to judgments to be released. I encourage you to practice surrendering these judgments and choosing joy. It will feel chaotic and scary at times. It will also show how strong and capable you truly are. You are worth it.

“Choosing joy involves spiritual surrender, and we sometimes would rather hold on to the pain than surrender our egos.” - Marianne Williamson