How to Untangle Your Identity from Your Work

Untangling your identity from your work feels like a big, knotted mess of chaos.

Where does work end and where do I begin?

When do I stop working and start just…living, existing, as myself?

"How often do you either ask someone what they do or introduce your job into conversations within the first few minutes of a conversation?"

I think about work often, I make it the center of conversation, and I have even tied my own self-worth to it – many times!

What I’m working on and hearing from members of The Breakthrough Lab lately is that this is a topic that needs more discussion and practical tools to help overcome – or at least calm – this innate obsession with work many of us have as entrepreneurs.

As children, we’re often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

People project careers on us based on our hobbies. My son picks up a paintbrush, and suddenly he’s an artist. We do this because we desire to help them see all the beautiful possibilities their future holds, but at what cost?

I once listened to an interview with Gary Vee and when they asked him to introduce himself – this man who spends countless hours every day talking about his life’s work, interviewing people about their life’s work, creating content to help others’ figure out their next career move or have epiphanies around their work – and he began by telling a story about his family. People he admired. His favorite sports team.

Since then, I’ve been working on how I introduce myself. To start the conversation about Justine, the whole human. My story, not just my work history…and it has been AWESOME!

People love getting to know me, and frankly, hearing something different than the same old work stories or superficial introductions. Listen to the difference…

“My name is Justine Beauregard. I’m a 15-year sales coach and trainer who’s helped over 550 entrepreneurs grow their businesses by up to 2,300% in under 6 months!”

…versus…

“Hi, I’m Justine! It’s great to be here! My entrepreneurial journey really began when I was 6 years old. When other kids were playing on the playground I was laminating business cards and selling friendship bracelets for $1 to my friends, family, and fellow students. I had an early love and appreciation for doing things differently, which is why I knew working a corporate job wouldn’t be my story for very long. Fast forward to today, I’ve helped hundreds of entrepreneurs build their own versions of companies and achieve massive growth in a short period of time. I love it!”

So, why doesn’t everyone speak this way about their job – or even separate their work from their personal life?

In Seth Godin’s book Linchpin, he talks about how we are groomed from a young age to be cogs in a corporate machine. Actually, his words are more like, “we’ve been brainwashed to obsess over our purpose in society as if our career is the only thing we should care about or focus on.”

But you are so much more than what you do.

"What gets in the way of you detaching from your work and being fully expressed as a whole human being?"

Now is your chance to answer that question, identify specific things you can work on, and begin fixing them at a pace that feels right for you.

I often talk about personas in messaging and how to use them to your advantage. Today, I’d like to invite you to consider all the personas you try on in general.

On a sheet of paper, write down:

“I AM ________” then fill in the blank space with personas you’d like to reflect on more. And not just “friend” or “partner” but also “shy” or “curious”.

Then, once you have your list, write down how being that person makes you feel.

When have you maybe told yourself that, as that person, you SHOULD do something? Or behave a certain way?

“I’m a good friend. I should call my friends once a week.”

“I’m a good partner, I should do the dishes.”

“I’m good at my job, I should stay late to work on this project.”

For years, I sacrificed my own happiness for what I thought people wanted or needed from me. I took it upon myself to:

Work late…then feeling resentful!

Saying “yes” when I was past my limits…then feeling burnt out!

Neglecting myself…then feeling horrible for weeks!

I did these things because I believed:

I WAS my work.

My work was my WORTH.

Setting boundaries would BOTHER people.

I’d be seen as a FAILURE.

I would NEVER be successful without doing these things.

Have you ever felt like this, too?

If you have, I invite you to speak to yourself more like a friend – just kinder, really.

“I’m a better leader when I set and honor my boundaries!”

“I deserve a full night’s rest every single night.”

“I love rewarding myself ‘just because’!”

And it sounds simple, but it’s not.

You are REWIRING your brain and forming new habits.

Your default will not shift for weeks – maybe months or even years. You have to keep reminding yourself. Use notes, alarms, calendar reminders, ask friends to remind you – whatever feels good to you that you believe will help you remember to be kind to yourself.

Every time you hear yourself say something negative, challenge it!

“I need to stay up late…”

“Why? What if this project gets pushed out a day? What are some other solutions?”

Give yourself the FREEDOM of choice.

And since I know this is not easy to do all the time, I’ll share a few of my favorite tools and some small things you can do to start detaching yourself and your worth from your work.

First is that practice of being curious. Every closed statement becomes a question, especially the negative ones.

When you can’t see solutions, look to your past. So, the same example from before:

“I need to stay up late…”

“Why? What if this project gets pushed out a day? What are some other solutions?”

“I don’t know!”

“Okay, think back to a time when you pushed yourself to stay up late. What happened?” OR “What gets in the way of me finishing projects earlier?”

This has helped me a lot.

Also, notice your common trigger words or body language. When you walk by a mirror and see yourself looking exhausted, slumped over, carrying stress in your shoulders OR hear yourself say “I can’t” or “I’m bad at” or “I don’t know” as internal dialogue or as a response to others.

Check in.

It doesn’t have to be a massive action or shift.

In fact, our biggest changes often come from micro-shifts like this.

Stopping yourself from negative self-talk earlier than you did last time.

Advocating for what you need – at work, at home, and in general.

Asking for help more often.

I’ve even trained myself to ask, “What do I really want?” throughout my day.

Sometimes, it’s work-related, sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s family-related – but it’s always honest and unassuming. That’s the key.

If you love your work, yourself, and your family/friends/partner, you will naturally want to have a blend of them all! I was worried at first that I would just want to drink tea and read books, but that’s not at all what happened! And it makes sense why.

You won’t overwork or overgive because it’s just what you want. That’s the beauty of this one, and why I love it.

If you never want to do something, it’s a sign something needs to change or stop. Also valuable to know and address instead of ignoring and pushing through.

You can also talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor. I often find that talking through how I’m feeling or what’s happening around me can help me solve my own problems or find solutions.

I’m a big fan of therapy and treat it like coaching, where I will sign on for 90 days to create a shift in specific areas of my life, reassess, and only sign back up if I have a clear objective to work through.

I tell my therapist this, too.

I advocate for myself and ask for support in specific areas of my life as I need them. I commit to the work in that session and on my own.

It’s not for everyone, I’m just sharing what works for me.

There’s a great course here on LinkedIn you can take for free, too. It's called, “Managing Your Emotional Response to Workplace Stress ” (just another option, I'm not an affiliate).

You're amazing - keep being YOU!

P.S. Want more of this kind of content? Tune into my podcast, People Over Profit , where I share helpful tips, advice, insights, and action-packed trainings in under 20 minutes a week - available wherever you listen to podcasts!