How to be unstoppable

Article by Jessica Phillips , Integral Coach and Enrollment Director for New Ventures West .

But first, ask yourself, do you really never want to stop?

Last week, I visited the webpage of a coaching school someone I know is considering.?

On the school’s homepage, a graduate of the program boasted that the school’s methodology had enabled her to teach her clients to be “unstoppable.”

And that stopped me right in my tracks.

The nature of being human is that we are eminently stoppable. Our very biology gives us natural limits to how hard we can push ourselves. We need to breathe, to drink, eat, and sleep. We crave touch, the sun, fresh air, and communication.?

Our bodies are covered in soft flesh–relatively defenseless with no claws or sharp teeth. We bleed and heal.

When we produce offspring to take care of our young demands we stop and take notice and care for vulnerable creatures.

Then we all return to helpless again in our old age.

We all will stop

And, of course, old age is followed by death, the ultimate full stop.

Death comes for us all with no regard for how hard we try to push it back or how unstoppable we may have thought we were.

Regardless if you wore yourself ragged, "hustling," for grind culture, never stopping, or if you stopped to take time time to enjoy moments, smell the roses, invest time with people, take in the world's beauty, spend time in reflection; nobody is making it out of here alive.

Nobody on their deathbed, when asked of regrets, utters, "I should have spent more time in the office."

To be human is to be stoppable. And yet we seek to be unstoppable.?

Life should be able to stop us. If not for beauty, then for heartbreak.?

If not for the joy of seeing a tree’s stark branches waving against a gray winter sky, then for the horror of seeing people starving to death in our own prosperous cities.

The affirmation of mother nature returning waters to dangerously dry rivers, the for those drowning to death on the shores of Europe trying to escape brutal regimes.

For the pleasure of a beloved piece of music, then for the despair of another mass shooting.?

If not for the happiness on the face of a dear friend or family member, then for the agony present when they suffer or when we let them down.?

To be unstoppable

If you're a leader overseeing people, a person working in an office or from home, a social worker, customer service, engineer, employed, unemployed, a mother, a father, or anyone professionally or personally has any contact with others, or is alone with ourselves, to consider ourselves unstoppable is to be blind to what is happening all around us.

To be unstoppable is to refuse to notice the effect that progress–at any cost–might have on our relationships, ourselves, on others, and life itself.

To be unstoppable is to deny our own biology, our wiring, what's in our hearts and the web of relationships that surround us.?

Sometimes, the world demands a response. And sometimes, the only response is to pause. To be present. To stop. To listen, be it to ourselves or others who need us as, eventually, you'll need them.

To take a moment to laugh, cry, hold someone’s hand, and be still.?

A moment of noticing anger, happiness, sadness, how far we've come, or how far we have to go—the work that needs to be done.

Cultivating the ability to be stopped takes deep work. It requires relational sensitivity to know when to downshift, think, reflect, to be more attentive to ourselves and to others.?

It requires wisdom to sense the limits of our physical and mental energy and be clear about what our body and mind need. It takes emotional awareness to stay present while also noticing the emotional states of those who require our attention.?

And finally, the ability to stop often takes great bravery, as it will likely be questioned by those who would not dare question the cultural value of being unstoppable, when the reality is of those people, they're not machines, and even machines have a limited lifespan.

A full life is about balance

In my coaching practice, I do not seek to teach others how to be unstoppable; this would be highly problematic, even dangerous.?

What would even happen if you could teach someone to be unstoppable? What, then, when their family and friends need them but they have been neglecting their relationships, their duties, and their responsibilities??

What would happen if you had an entire unstoppable society overtaking the planet out of greed, wiping out everything in their path, spreading like a virus until there was no planet left?

Can you see where being unstoppable could lead and that this mindset of being "unstoppable" has already led to considerable harm rather than good?

Stop and smell the roses

We must learn to listen to the call of others, our bodies, and the world when to shift attention, and when to stop.

In coaching as in greater leadership we build a relationship of mutual trust and respect, creating a strong bond where people are given space to examine the habitual responses they have always relied on.?

Over time, people with coaching can and do become more able to recognize the habitual turning away from pausing that has become entirely toxic in modern society, especially in the West. They learn to cultivate a new response to old stimuli.?

This takes learning new skills and competencies: Patience, compassion, resilience, discernment, and the ability to self-observe, to name a few.

I’ve seen clients, over time, become more resilient and able to stand in deep witness to their own emotional experience, to be stopped by the world, to be deeply touched by and recognize the little things as big things.

They have the freedom to experience their reaction without being overwhelmed, allowing them the grace to make choices more organically, and methodically, producing better outcomes for themselves and others than before, than was thought possible.

Most the big household name CEOs society rightly or wrongly puts up on pedestal, from Gates to Jobs, Buffet to Bezos stop. They pause. They meditate. They take walks. They journal. Many even attributed stopping as a core component of their success. If they can stop, you can stop.

Today, let a small part of yourself stop to realize how fragile we are, how fragile the world is, and to treasure a moment with a friend, colleague, or even by yourself. Stop. Reflect. Be.

What might it mean to open yourself up enough for that to occur??What meaning might leak into your life if you dared to stop?

Stop, and you might find out.

Practical wisdom

Below is practical wisdom you can apply every day by picking one or two questions and working your way up to all of them, giving yourself insight into yourself and your world.

• Reflect on your own tendency to be unstoppable and consider the impact it has on your relationships, well-being, and the environment.
• Practice being more attentive and responsive to the needs of your personal relationships, be they family, colleagues, or friends, even if it requires downshifting or pausing.
• Listen to your body, pay attention to your energy levels, and take care of your physical needs.
• Cultivate emotional awareness better to understand your own emotions and those of others.
• Challenge the cultural value of being unstoppable and question whether it aligns with a balanced and fulfilling life.
• Seek coaching or self-reflection to develop new skills and competencies that allow you to respond differently to life's demands.
• Embrace moments of being stopped by the world and allow yourself to experience and learn from the emotions and challenges they bring

Take steps daily to support others more authentically, and you'll improve the quality of your life, professionally and personally. That's a cornerstone of what New Ventures West and Integral Coaching is all about.

Intrigued? Join our faculty for a free event to experience Integral Coaching: a proven, transformational way of working with and relating to others.

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