How to Unpack and Address Your Insecurities at Work and In Life

Earlier this week, I was invited by The Skimm to do an #AMA thread (ask me anything) for people with career questions (check off bucketlist!).

There were a lot of great questions that came through but one in particular stood out to me:

Hi! Thanks for doing this. What's your best advice for unpacking insecurities at work? I oftentimes notice that recognizing an insecurity is the first step, but actually taking action to fix something you're insecure about is so much harder. - Andrew

I have to say Andrew is not alone. In fact, we all feel these insecurities because we're human.

I know these insecurities creep on me at least once a week... and it's because I'm pushing myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. It even popped up during my AMA! I was thinking, "Oh no what if I don't know an answer?!" (For the record, I knew how to answer every question thrown at me).

Here's the thing: anytime we put ourselves up for potential embarrassment, humiliation, ridicule, discomfort, pain, etc. our little inner critic inside of us will inevitably pop in.

You might hear this little inner critic say things like:

• "Don't apply for that job! You're not qualified enough."
• "Who do you think you are asking for a raise or extra time off?"
• "There are way more talented people than you who have more prestigious backgrounds - that's a pipe dream!"
• "Don't message the CEO... they will ignore your request and you will be rejected because you're a loser."

These voices can be very sneaky to the point where you don't even recognize them because they are a broken record playing for so long.

Let me tell you, I talk to amazing humans all day long and I always hear that anxious voice, that bit of self-doubt, that passive tone as they speak.

This is my favorite aspect of coaching! A lot of people have trouble recognizing their own inner critic but this is one of the main blocks (along with 4 others) I'm always listening out for. To bring awareness to this voice is the first big step. The second step is to thank it. Don't resist or ignore it, but thank it for trying to keep you safe and comfortable. Once you do this, you can then separate this voice from you (because it's not really you) and ask yourself an open ended question like:

• "If I were qualified enough, what would I need to highlight or what additional training and experience would I need to work towards gaining?"
• "How can I effectively present enough for a raise or extra time off?"
• "There are a lot of talented people out there, but what makes me the best employee or candidate despite not having an ivy league education?"
• "What can I say to make sure the CEO doesn't ignore my request?"

Open-ended questions are always solution seeking. This is the direction you want to move towards and the voice inside of you that you should listen to.

My personal journey of tackling my inner critic:

My inner critic's name is Betty. She always tells me things like you're not smart enough or you're not articulate enough. I recently met someone who asked if I would speak to a large group of college students and Betty popped into my head immediately: "Don't say yes, you'll look like a fool!"

As I openly shared why I was declining this opportunity, the professional speaker across from me said, "What? What are you talking about? You're very articulate and I can tell you you're very smart." (Thank you! :))

I shared my inner critic work and how, week by week over the past few months, I have been building up my courage through Instagram stories, FaceBook lives, and even starting a YouTube channel. I'm even co-hosting my very first workshop in two months (more details to come)! People find it hard to believe, but I'm an introvert, and I have always been scared of the spotlight - ever since I was a child I avoided anything that would bring attention to me. I even hated celebrating birthdays because I didn't want to be the center of attention.

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear" - Jack Canfield

I quote this a lot as it really is my favorite quote in the entire world because it rings so true. I used to be SO nervous hitting record... and now it just gets easier and easier each time... admittedly, I even started looking forward to them! :)

So to answer the question about how to fix something you're insecure about I believe it's really about these four steps:

1. Acknowledging the inner critic

2. Thanking the inner crictic

3. Moving away from the inner critic to your inner mentor 

4. Just do it no matter how much you fear it (unless it's a true fear like death or injury, it's probably an irrational fear)

Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

The inner critic holds us back from achieving SO much of what we're capable of. THIS is the work I'm truly passionate about. THIS is the inner transformation I see so many of my clients make shifts with. If you want help pushing past your fears and your inner critic so you can truly start living, I would like to invite you for a free 45-minute strategy call here... and if you have resistance now from your inner critic, just do it anyway. ;)

"Beating yourself up leads to a lack of self trust"

Gratefully,

Emily

P.S. - This post was originally written in my email newsletter series. If you're not signed up yet, you can sign up here in 5 seconds! :)