How to understand yourself more deeply

Do you ever find that you cannot seem to understand why you do the things you do and why you react in certain ways?

I often hear clients say things like, "Why do I crave so much chocolate?" (I relate to this one!) or "Why do I need to have a drink every night?"

Or they see a family member or a work colleague who is continually arguing or worrying, and they fail to understand what is going on for them.

Does this resonate at all? Can you think of those things in your life that you just don't understand why you do what you do?

Here's the thing, there are six universal human needs that both influence and drive your choices and motivations. Once you understand that, then it all starts to make sense.

Human Needs Psychology teaches us that all human motivation can be explained.?

When I understood this, my life changed.??

I mean that in the literal sense. Struggles started to melt away and I could find solutions easily. I understood myself better and in turn could support others more effectively too.

So, what are our human needs? How can we fill them?

Everyone meets their needs either consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes we do it in a positive way and other times in a destructive way. Hence the chocolate, the drink, or the arguments.

Although we try and meet all our needs, we tend to have two predominant ones.?

The key is to identify which ones they are and then find the vehicles (i.e. actions, beliefs, and behaviours) to fulfil your needs in a constructive and sustainable way, that ultimately enables you to feel in charge and in the driving seat of your life.?

As you read through the list below, see which ones catch your attention!??

The first four are fundamental needs that are linked to survival. The last two are linked to fulfilment.

As I go through the first four needs, I'll give some examples for how each need might be filled in either a positive or negative context. Everyone will fill their needs in different ways, of course. Some people will have low thresholds for satisfaction whilst it may be higher for others.

The 6 Human Needs:

1) Certainty.?

Positive: This could come from knowing you have a regular income to pay your bills, or from believing in your skills and abilities to do your job and handle a new challenge. It's the certainty in having the support you feel you need to make the required change. Some people may find that their need for certainty is filled by getting state benefits and for others even earning a million a month may not give them certainty. It is relative to each individual.

Negative: You could gain certainty by knowing that your staff do exactly what you want because you micromanage their work. Smoking is another example of something that can give certainty as well – providing you have the cigarettes on you!??

For me personally, I have a strong need for certainty. I have found that by understanding how my mind works, I am certain I can produce the thoughts, feelings, and results I want. Meditation helps me develop mastery of my mind and access those wonderful feelings of calm and focus.?

Back when I didn't understand my mind, I would experience a lot of anxiety and worry. Ironically, when you worry, you create certainty that you can produce that feeling! This is another really great example of using a negative means to fill a human need.

Every day, I actively remind myself that I create my reality and my results. I find this to be such a powerful message to repeat to myself and it fills my need for certainty.?

2) Variety.

Positive: The need for stimulus, change, and challenge. You may always want to work on new projects or you may need new exciting goals and adventures. People who like variety might prefer to work on project based jobs or freelance.?

Negative: A strong need for variety may mean that you work on lots of projects at once but never focus on one properly, so the quality of all of them drops.

At the moment, I see that many people are struggling with the lack of variety – understandably so given the circumstances. Reflect on how you can inject more variety into your life at the moment. It can be as simple as taking different walks, doing different meditations, or cooking different meals. If you have a team, take some time to think about how you can help provide some variety for them.

4) Connection and Love.

Positive: Who doesn't like to feel loved and like you have a bond with people? Currently, I see people worldwide are craving a sense of connection. Remember that you can fulfil this need by showing yourself some love! Not many people do this, we tend to be our harshest critic.?

Negative: It might feel a bit overbearing if someone is smothered by love. It is vitally important to tune into each other's level of need for love and connection.

So, how can you show more love to yourself and others?

5) Growth.

Positive: This is the need to learn and expand your abilities on all levels – physical, emotional, and spiritual. When we stop growing, we die an internal death. We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. The desires we feel are signs that we want more. It is us seeking growth! Tune into your desires to help you grow.

Personally, growth is important to me. I have an insatiable appetite to unlock more of my potential.

Do you actively think about how you can grow? When it comes to colleagues and family members, think about how you can encourage them to grow too.

Remember that if staff feel they are growing, they will stay at your company and appreciate you more as a leader.

6) Contribution.

Positive: This is the need to give to others and make a difference – be it in the world, your company, or your community. More and more companies are tuning into this! Employees like to work for companies who are making a difference and helping others.?

Contribution is something that features heavily in my conversation with my clients about what makes them feel fulfilled. I am a firm believer that the more contribution you make, the happier you feel.

And that's all six of them! Let's pause for a moment.

Could you identify what your two predominant needs are?

Then, importantly, are you filling them in a positive or negative way?

Consider what you can do to fulfil your needs in a positive way going forward. And keep in mind, you can fulfil a lot of your own needs yourself – especially once you understand how your mind works.

What's the one change that you are committed to making, starting today? You can connect with me on LinkedIn and send me a message to discuss it further.

Have a great day!