How To Turn Your Life Challenges Into Defining Moments

I would like to dedicate this article to Mike Helft, a good friend and mentor, who inspired me to share my life challenges and how they have shaped me. Thank you, Mike.

Isn’t it interesting that we grow the most under the most challenging circumstances?

We all have those moments that we think we will never recover from.

I remember vividly the moment when I received the call that my mother had Stage IV lung cancer.

I remember the look and smell of the hospital room where the doctor told me that I had a 70% blockage in the arteries leading to my heart.

I remember like it was yesterday the moment my dad announced to our family that he was leaving.

We also all have had those life experiences that feel so overwhelming that we just can’t make it through.

My wife and I suffered through many dark days brought about by years of infertility.

I worked at a high-tech company that celebrated several glory years only to crash and burn, resulting in multiple rounds of layoffs.

I sat on a board of an SEC-registered financial services company during the 2008 financial crisis and suffered through the many challenges brought by the credit crunch that led to bankruptcy and countless lawsuits.

The point is that over my life I have experienced about every kind of loss one can imagine – relational loss, job loss, loss of control, loss of a loved one, financial loss, loss of health, etc. When I look back on my life and reflect on those hard times, I can honestly say I am a deeper, stronger, better person coming out of those experiences than when I went into them. I learned critical life skills and gained a much broader perspective on life. Each of these challenges became defining moments for me – in a positive way.

If you want to take your life challenges and turn them into defining moments that will have a positive impact on how you live the rest of your life, then consider these three points.

1. Let Go

   All of us like control. Some of us are downright obsessed with control. We want to control the environment we are in, the circumstances we face and the people around us.
   
   When I was younger, I would tackle challenges with an “I’ve got this!” mentality. But soon I learned that all of the focus, diligence and hard work in the world can’t fix challenges that are brought by forces outside of my control. And the truth is almost all significant forces are outside of our control. I have learned that it is excessive pride to think otherwise.
   
   My wife and I went through every procedure known to man when we were trying to start our family. After every avenue possible, including adoption, failed, we finally gave up, exhausted by the process. Two months later we thought my wife had the flu; she was pregnant with our son.
   
   Similarly, when I was the board member of a bank during the recent financial crisis, we did everything in our power to protect the customers and people of that organization. But nothing we could do was enough to outmaneuver what became the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. As hard as that was, I grew tremendously; I learned from an incredibly impressive group of fellow board members how to stay calm under fire.
   
   Let go of your need to control. Surrender your pride. Submit to the process. Trust those around you. These are key life skills that are required to turn a life challenge into a defining moment!

2. Let Free

   We lack freedom in our lives when we are overly dependent on something or someone.
   
   In a previous LinkedIn post, “I Quit: Go Ahead, I Dare You!”, I talked about how scared I was to make what I knew was the right decision to leave the high-tech company for which I had been working. I was scared because I thought the security of my life at that time was dependent on that job.
   
   I was a teenager when my father left our family. I idolized my dad and was scared to death of the prospect of him not being around. I was overly dependent on that relationship.
   
   In both of these situations, I was “forced” to face the situation head-on, embrace the consequences and muster up the courage to break my dependencies and do the right thing. Through these experiences, I learned that often it is the easy path that leads to further challenge and that it is the difficult path that leads to freedom from that which holds you back.
   
   Get free of the unhealthy dependencies in your life. Tap into the spiritual or inner strength needed to do the right thing for the right reasons because that is what will lead to freedom. Let free and you will be on your way to turning your challenge into a defining moment!

3. Let Live

   Many people would be shocked to hear this, but I lived most of my early life focused on risk management. Life experiences in those younger years taught me to protect against “loss” of any kind. Then one day I figured out that perfect love casts out fear, and I began to enjoy living life wide open. I began to be far more focused on experience management, not risk management. Many of my life experiences caused me to go deeper and love greater than I had before. Other experiences resulted in pain and hurt, but at least I was better for the journey. Unforeseen health issues will often force us to regain a proper prospective on life. I was certainly challenged in this way when, at 39 years old, I was faced with potential heart disease. That experience forced me to face my fears and live my life more fully.
   
   I have been deeply moved and impacted by the courage of one of our professionals at EY. Brandon Lyons is a young professional who has an incredible zest for life. In his first year with us, he headed out with some friends for some fun at the beach over Memorial Day. That weekend changed Brandon’s life. Unfortunately, he became paralyzed in an accident while diving off a pier. Today, Brandon is inspiring all of us at EY. Brandon did not let the accident rob him of his passion for life. Brandon tackles life every day with a positive attitude. Meet Brandon by watching the following short video. I promise you will be inspired.

Life challenges are no doubt difficult. If you are going through an especially troubling time right now, in no way do I want to make light of your hardship. I hope that my experiences of turning really difficult times into defining moments will encourage you wherever you are in your life.

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About the author: Bob Patton is the EY Americas Vice Chair of Advisory Services. He has extensive experience working with Fortune 500 companies in the consumer products, utilities and high-tech industries, as well as experience working with key public sector organizations. In 2011, Bob was recognized by Consulting? magazine as one of its Top 25 consultants honored in the category of Excellence in Leadership. In addition to his LinkedIn profile, you can also interact with Bob on his Twitter account @BobPattonEY.