How to Turn a Casual Conversation into a Coaching Conversation?

Here’s a casual conversation between 2 coaches. ?Cathy was feeling frustrated with one of her clients, and had a conversation with Nancy to vent her frustrations and to get some advice. ?Nancy then changed the conversation into a coaching conversation using clean language.*

C: I have a kind of client that is hard to deal with, they are very knowledgeable, very willing to help others, and then they want to change others with good intentions. We discussed a lot in the conversation, some more than once, the client understood everything, knew that changing others was hard, unlikely, and even said at the end, I know this is hard, but I think management is about challenging the impossible...

N: What would you like to achieve from this conversation?

C: Actually, I didn't plan to have this one-on-one conversation with you at first. I thought, maybe I should also ask everyone in the coaching group, what kind of questioning angles could give me some inspiration.

N: What makes this topic important for you?

C: Because I can handle other clients, but this kind of client, it feels like the conversation has been going on for a long time and there is no effect. There was a time when I was stuck in a similar situation, and I asked everyone in another coaching group, and sure enough there were many different perspectives that gave me a lot of inspiration.

N: What kind of inspiration are you looking for?

C: Because I really tried a lot of methods, asking from different angles, using different techniques, such as asking him, what does changing that subordinate mean to him? What has he tried to do? What kind of leader does he want to be? You know, those kinds of questions. And then that person was also very good at talking from different angles, management concepts, even philosophy, but he just had to change his subordinate. I even got impatient once and broke the principle of questioning and asked him directly, you know that changing a person is impossible, what makes you insist on changing him? And then he said what I mentioned before, he thinks management is about challenging the impossible. So in this case, how can I ask further? Or should I just go along with him and discuss how to change himself?

N: Have you ever had a successful experience with this kind of client before?

C: (Thinking for a while) Well... No, because I found that these very knowledgeable and thoughtful clients are actually divided into two types. One type is introspective, and this type of client works very well with me. The other type is the one I can't handle. They just don't or even never explore inwardly. Whenever I ask them to feel their feelings or what they thought at the time, they say nothing. And when I ask them to think again, they still say nothing. So I didn't ask any more.

N: How do you feel about that?

C: Not very good... Because I always encounter this kind of client. For example, last time I watched Z coach's online demo, I was amazed. How come I never met such a client? I tend to believe in the law of attraction. That is, the clients I meet are similar to me. They may be more knowledgeable and like to think.

N: What does that tell you about yourself?

C: About myself... Maybe... Maybe I also have some resistance to exploring inwardly.

N: How does that affect your coaching?

C: It affects... It affects my expectations for my clients. But then I have to package them into a question and throw them to the client. But these expectations will be felt by the client through subtle expressions and actions... That also makes sense why I always feel that the client is explaining or arguing his original intention to me. I feel like I never questioned him. So now I know. It's still my problem.

*I got permission from both coaches to share these. ?Thank you Nancy and Cathy for sharing this gem!

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