How to Turn a BAD Day into a GOOD Day

Yesterday, a cleint asked how I was doing. I told her, "I've got good days and bad days.

I'm okay as long as I don't watch news, my family and friends are healthy and we can connect via Facetime, I can still make a living and a difference with my work, and I can get outside and go for walks in Nature."

I told her, "I know I am fortunate. Every once in awhile though I start thinking about all the the people who have lost jobs, lost loved ones, lost everything ... and get depressed. The thing is, dwelling on that doesn't help because I can't do anything to change it."

She said, "So, what do you do?"

"I tell myself that this isn't a marathon or a sprint - it's a roller coaster. Anne Lamott says, 'Expectations are resentments under construction.' If I keep hoping or expecting this surreal situation to be 'over' soon, it sets me up for despair.

I've come to understand it's natural to have ups and downs. To accept there will be good days and bad days.

As my son Andrew reminds me, it's important to 'feel the feels.' To acknowledge the grief, the sadness and helplessness instead of denying it or pretending it isn't happening.

And then, to choose to pull myself up by the mental bootstraps and return to being the person I want to be. I'm firmly convinced that's not being a Pollyanna. It's embracing the Stockdale Paradox.

She asked, "What's that?"

"Admiral Jim Stockdale was a POW in Vietnam for 8 long years. He was isolated, beaten, starved and repeatedly tortured in an effort to cause him to denounce the U.S. Government.

He and his fellow captives lived in a constant state of anxiety, fear and dread, never knowing how long they'd be imprisoned, never knowing if - or when - it'd be over.

When Stockdale was finally released and returned home, he wrote about his experiences in several books and dug deep into what helped him stay sane through that nightmare.

He said it was the OPTIMISTS who didn't make it. The ones who kept hoping, "We'll be out by Christmas." But then Christmas would come and go - and they'd still be locked in. Those repeated disappointments broke their hearts and destroyed their resolve.

Stockdale said it was the PRAGMATISTS who faced the facts and kept the faith that prevailed through those trying times. They didn't deny the pain or surrealness of their situation, they just chose to hold a vision of a better future instead of falling into despair."

Quite an analogy for these times, isn't it?

These are challenging days. If Jim Stockdale was right, and he ought to know after what he went through, it doesn't hope it will be "over soon." The facts don't support that.

What helps is to acknowledge we are in unprecedented times and life as we know it will never be the same. What helps is to acknowlege the adversity and choose to respond with dignity and humanity and focus our resources on what we can DO about it.

Want to know a tangible way to turn a bad day into a good day?

Get out a piece of paper and write down the five most important things in your life.

Family? Health? Friends? Faith? Community? Giving back? Meaningful Work? Nature?

Those are your TRUE priorities.

Now, list the five things you spend the most time on. Work? Watching TV? Social Media? Work (again?) Email? Household chores including fixing and cleaning up after meals?

Those are your TIME priorities.

The question is, do your TIME priorities match your TRUE priorities? If so, you are living an aligned life. If not, you are leading a life that will lead to regrets.

Gandhi said, "Happiness is when what you think, say and do are in harmony."

The key to creating the quality of life you want is to post a list of your TRUE priorities on your refrigerator and make TIME for at least one of them every day. It may be unrealistic to act on all five TRUE priorities every day, however you can do ONE.

In a world where we cannot control much, we can control that. And it matters because it is a way to stay focused on what matters ... now, not someday.

You might also want to review the quotes below. They are like little mental life-rafts we can cling to in turbulent times that have the power to center us in how we want to show up.

Select one that speaks to you. Post it on your frig right next to your TRUE PRIORITIES.

If your mood starts to dip and you're having a bad day, re-read your quote. Remind yourself you can persevere and prevail in roller coaster times - if you put your mind to it. Take a deep breath and say, "Yes. This is how I choose to be." Then look up, look around, and move on.

20 Quotes to Turn Bad Days into Good Days

1. "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway." - Emory Austin

2. "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." - Zora Neale Hurston

3. "When things go wrong, don't go with them." - Elvis Presley

4. "All I know is my life is better when I assume people are doing their best." - Brene Brown

5. "When you're sad, learn something." - Merlin

6. "I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. You get better." - Joan Rivers

7. "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." - Jon Kabat-Zin

8. "Never say anything to yourself you don't want to come true." - Brian Tracy

9. "Loneliness isn't always an absence of people; sometimes it's an absence of purpose." - Sam Horn

10. "On the last day of the world, I would want to plant a tree." - W. S. Merwin

11. "Life may give you a cactus, you don't have to sit on it." - Joyce Meyer

12. "The time is always right to do what is right." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

13. "Waking up this morning, I smile. "24 brand new hours are before me." - Thich Nhat Hanh

14. "Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain." - Wiz Khalifa

15. "I told them that in spite of this, I had no intention of losing hope and giving up." Viktor Frankl

16. "The world is full of good people. If you can't find one, be one." - Mother Teresa

17. "Even though the future seems far away, it is actully beginning right now." - Mattie Stepanek

18. "Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again." - L. Frank Baum

19. "Do something today your future self will thank you for. " - Sean Patrick Flannery

20. "Look closely at the present you're constructing. It should look like the future you're dreaming." - Alice Walker

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Tongue Fu! Training Institute, is on a mission to help people create respectful communications that add value for all involved. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR and taught to Intel, Cisco, YPO, NASA.