How to Trust Again After You’ve Lost it

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” - Stephen Covey

Almost a year ago today, I wrote a blog called Are you an “Earn My Trust” Leader?

I didn’t convey at the time that I was actually inspired to write on this topic because I had just experienced an ‘Earn My Trust Leader’. It wasn’t the first time and yet, I became frustrated meeting this Leader because I believed I was the opposite...so I thought.

A year later, I realize I was being exactly the kind of leader I wrote about in that blog. <sigh>

I realized that I had given my trust first and went all-in into the working relationship. However, once this individual did something that weakened my trust, I instantly went to the other side and became a full-fledged Earn My Trust Leader.

Was I really an Openly Give Trust Leader or was I just faking it? How could I shift so easily to the other side of the spectrum?

I began to see behaviors in myself that I was not proud of.

Here are a few of my behaviors I humbly admit to demonstrating.

1. I started to micromanage. When I sent a request, I would immediately follow up without giving space for the individual to read my email.
2. I was extremely impatient. Even after I had just spoken to the individual, I found myself checking my email for an update.
3. I was passive aggressive. I would not clearly communicate my expectations or requirements and tried to avoid conflict.
4. I made assumptions. I created stories that the individual did not care about the project as much as I did and as a result, would not get it done on time.
5. I was inconsistent. One day I would let go and trust. Then another day, I would micromanage.

As I write the list of actions above, I still feel the disappointment of my role in creating this experience in another person, especially with someone I care deeply about.

When you’re right in it though, the cloudiness of the situation overtakes you. You say something and then send another email, and say something again. You keep digging a bigger hole and lose control of yourself. You start to believe there’s no way out.

Luckily, I am surrounded by an amazing circle of courageous people who want to see the best in me.

I, too, felt uncomfortable being an Earn My Trust Leader as my core values were not aligned with the behaviors.

So how do I trust again after I’ve lost it?

There is a way!

Here was my process to shift back to an “Openly Give Trust” Leader:

1. Reflect on your role. Answer these questions. What was my role in this situation? How did I show up as a Leader? What were ways that I empowered or created space for this individual to do the work? How was my communication?
2. Set a new intention. Sometimes relationships start off on the wrong foot or get off track. It happens. To get back on the right path and re-build a trusting relationship, you must envision a positive relationship and set a clear intention on your role (how you want to be) and the kind of experience you want to create.
3. Believe the person is creative, resourceful and whole. You must see the individual as someone who is fully capable and a great team member. You believe their heart and mind is in the right place and you both have each others’ back!

Once I changed my perspective and released any fear or anxiety, I immediately experienced a transformation in our working relationship. When there’s trust, the relationship is more fun, caring and in flow.

Coming from a place of abundance and love is always the easier path.

What can you do today to become a stronger and more grounded “Openly Give Trust” Leader?

I would love to hear your comments and personal experiences. Connect with me today!

Learn how to trust again and/or strengthen your trust building skills at the Essence Leadership Retreat on October 18 – 21, 2015 held at the beautiful Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise. Click here to reserve your seat.

P.S. You can apply this process in all your relationships!!!

For additional reading, here are some other posts from Lorie:

• Why Asking for Help Makes You a Stronger Leader
• Eliminate the Word "Weakness" to Build a Stronger Team
• Are You an "Earn My Trust" Leader?
• What Saying NO Really Means
• Stop Recruiting and Start Connecting
• Shed Your Armor and Reap the Rewards
• If You’re a Leader, You’re Under a Microscope!
• 5 Strategies to Integrate Your Values at Work
• Are you a WOW Leader?
• Are you ready to #dreambig?
• It's Time to Bring the "Human" Back Into "Human Resources"
• It’s Time to Mix Personal with Business
• Are you qualified to be in HR?
• The Most Important Skills Today’s Leaders Need to Know
• The Power of Leadership Presence in the Workplace
• 6 Elements of an Ideal Culture
• Can Frequent Conversations Really Replace Annual Reviews?
• The “Real” Job of HR
• Why GoPro is Living a BIG LIFE
• The Five Benefits of Being Imperfect
• I have an announcement. I’m engaged!
• The One Thing To Do Before the End of 2015
• I have a confession to make.
• Start the New Year with this!
• It’s Okay to Love in the Workplace
• Is mindfulness just nonsense?
• 3 Daily Practices for Mindful Teams
• The Disadvantage of Being Too Caring
• Why We Hate Love (in the workplace)
• The Real ROI of Informal and Social Learning
• Bringing Values-Based Learning to Life (at Work)
• The New Kind of CEO HR Leaders Want
• DIY Management: 5 ways to build an effective startup culture
• Digital Detoxing in a 24/7 World: Disconnect to Connect
• Stand Out and Be Bold
• The Culture Code: Six Keys (and Four Steps) to Hidden Treasure
• A Love Letter for our SPARK Community
• The Importance (and Profitability) of Staying Human
• The ROI of Leading by Example is Priceless
• Love may be a remedy for fear and stress in the workplace

About Lorie:

Lorie Corcuera is the Co-Founder and CEO at SPARK Creations & Company Inc., a heart based coaching and consulting organization that inspires people and companies to create meaningful cultures and workplaces. Lorie is partnering with conscious, purpose-driven businesses who are ready to ignite their cultures and create purpose through creating and inspiring loving human connections at work and at home.