How to Truly Impact Others Without Even Being A Guru

They needed my help. A couple of years ago I was a youth mentor assigned to help/teach/inspire seven 16-18 yr. old young men. We would meet twice a week, on Sundays and Wednesdays. They wanted help. Just not the kind I was prepared to give…at first.

I told them I wanted to help. I thought I knew how, yet everything I did seemed to backfire. I thought they needed my help. They didn’t seem to want it. Really they needed someone to listen to them, someone to validate them.

The boys wanted an ear to speak into. I thought I was focused on them, I wasn’t. I thought no one wanted my help. The reason I wanted to help was wrong. My attention was on myself.

Then I read a book.

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.” - Wayne Dyer

If we see the others as they want to be seen, we can help them the way they want to be helped. It is not about us; it is about them. The process to do this starts with our thoughts.

What we think about matters. Our actions are responses to how we perceive our situation. Perception is everything.

Who we think about matters. We can help those we think about. Those we think about are those we feel closer to, it is a cycle. 

We want people to think about us. When others think about us, doors can open. The problem is the way we do it is all wrong. Our perspective needs to be less about us and more about others.

I learned that those boys didn’t need saving. They needed encouragement.

Business is Relationships

As in life, in business we need people. Business is driven by relationships. Good relationships are able to withstand the strongest storms and open the heaviest doors. In order to build a strong relationship, you first must be in a position to start a relationship.

Listen, learn, and then begin to serve.

Instead of trying to help in a small way, now I am trying to help in a big way.

So I read another book.

John Hall, the CEO of Influence&Co. wrote a manual on how to use content marketing to create awareness and true influence. It just came out today, I just finished it. It is worth reading. I strongly suggest business leaders read it.

While there are hundreds of valuable takeaways - after reading the book - 3 main things stuck out in my mind. This is what I learned from John Hall’s book on how to really influence other people:

1.    The Opportunity Formula

In order to influence someone, there first needs to be an opportunity.

Trust + Consistency = Opportunity

Simple and brilliant. I love it. Creating opportunity is about capability, integrity, and continued action.

2.    Help People

“Good things happen when you help people out rather than treating them as an extension of your business.” – John Hall

John describes in detail 10 ways to help people; I will just list them:

·     Connect People with What They Value

·     Share Resources

·     Make People Aware of Opportunities

·     Offer Transparent Feedback

·     Become a Brand Advocate

·     Provide Referrals

·     Volunteer Your Personal Time

·     Recognize People

·     Give Gifts

·     Personalize Experiences

3.    Trust is Created After the Relationship is Formed

We build trust step by step.

“To generate trust, you need to create a relationship; for that to happen, you need to open up lines of communication that are honest, meaningful, and authentic.” – John Hall

Over communicate. Share your intent. Share your true self.

Bringing it All Together

If you focus on building trust consistently and always help others, you will create opportunities and be successful.

Our life is determined by those we associate with. We interact with others. We need each other. Choose wisely.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” - Dale Carnegie

As we focus on the emotions of others, our own emotional well-being will improve. Emotions are contagious. If we let our own ego and wants be left alone, we can begin to focus on the needs of others. By focusing on the needs of others, the value we bring to them will be much greater. The more value we bring, in a consistent, visible manner, the more likely people will want to build relationships with us. Relationships are the beginning of trust. Trust, when built through consistent action creates opportunities. We all can help each other with a few more opportunities. 

Your Turn: How Have You Been Able to Help and Influence Others By Staying Top of Mind?

You teach me more than I share, please share your thoughts. I read every comment. If you valued this post: comment, like, and share via your Twitter, LinkedIn, beBee, Google+ and Facebook platforms. I encourage you to join the conversation or ask questions - so feel free to comment on this article.

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