How Not To Treat Someone Going Through Depression!

Depression is one of the most underrated mental health issues and is rarely discussed. This is the reason that most of us do not know how to deal and act around people suffering from depression.

There might be two kinds of depressions. One form of depression because something didn’t happen according to what the person wished for and the other is clinical because of underlying issues.

No matter the form, one must avoid the following approaches while dealing with someone in a depressed mood.

1.You don’t like feeling that way? Change it

When we say this, it gives the impression that the person who is suffering is doing nothing to improve his condition and it is his fault that he is feeling this way. This will instead of inspiring and motivating him will make him feel more helpless because as he is suffering from depression, he is very unlikely to be able to do something extraordinary to change his condition. And these words can make him regret that he is not able to take any steps. He will think that if he cannot even take himself out of this situation, how will he survive in the future. Hence, it is wise to refrain from using this approach.

2. Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress

Mental health is such a stigma in our society that no one wishes to be associated with it. Even the patients feel it a taboo and often refrain themselves and others from associating with it. If someone discusses consulting a doctor, the patient thinks that society will term them as mad. Even our parents or loved ones will laugh if someone suggests a patient of taking medicines. All this can seriously hamper the patient’s confidence and can take a toll on their mental health making them feel bad about themselves.

3. You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear.

This is probably not a suitable time for humour. There are a couple of reasons. The first one is that the person might feel that you are making fun of their situation. Even if you intend to cheer them up, the person might feel that you are doing a mockery of their condition which can make them feel bad and you can end up losing their

4. Did you think life is fair?

“It is more unfair to me” would be the response to this statement. The depressed instead of working on his well being and mental health will start pondering upon unnecessary and complex issues like understanding life. He will establish himself as that righteous hero who despite doing everything good suffers in life. And since real life is not a movie, he will not be able to take it positively and will find himself constantly grinding in the thoughts that why bad things always keep happening to him. Though the person knows that life is not fair for anyone, stating this statement will worsen his hope about life and can even kill the faith he has in time which he thought will cure his depression.

5. There are a lot of other people who are going through much worse but are happier

This is like an insult to their sadness and also makes the person feel week. He starts comparing himself with others. Depression because of things out of the person’s control will thus increase in its effect as the person will blame himself and his weakness of not being happy. He will think to himself that how come others are so strong and content in life and he is not. People feel that their problems are much worse than others and hence depressed will feel that the reasons for depression in the life of others are much simpler and life is just unfair to him.

6. You are not the only one going through depression. Everyone gets depressed

This will only make the person feel weak and broken inside. They will feel they are overreacting and the depression can get worse. If the depression is clinical, it is not in their control and they can only depend on the doctor’s advice. The person suffering from depression might feel you are not their wellwisher and are there only to demotivate them.

7. Why don’t you follow a hobby?

This could be perceived as you being extra smart during someone’s bad time. You are not understanding the priority. Telling the person to develop a hobby indicates that his sadness is unnecessary and that you are not giving its due importance and attention. It also gives a feeling that you feel the person’s sadness is an unnecessary and prolonged habit and it can be avoided just by ignoring it.

8. Buckle up and pull yourself together

Saying ‘Cheer up’ has never helped a sad person cheer up. Do you think they don’t know this or they don’t want to cheer up? But it is not in their control even if they wish it the most and that is why they are in this condition. Constantly telling them to cheer up and pull themselves together can only make them angry.

9. Try a little harder.

This makes the person feel weaker. Possibly they have tried everything they could to cure their depression but it was not going away which is why they are still sad. When we tell them to try harder, it put them under pressure. Instead of becoming cheerful, they will feel the performance pressure which can make them even sadder.

10. There is no reason you should be feeling this way.

No one likes it when anyone terms their actions unreasonable especially when they are sad. A sad person can think that the whole world is against him. This sentence can make them feel that everyone thinks they are a fool who is exaggerating their issues and are doing a drama.

11. It will pass. Hang in there

Is there any other option than hanging in there and suffering? It is obvious that he has to hang in until it passes. Saying this could make the person feel that not neither himself nor you are going to help him. He knows that there is nothing you can do but saying this can make him feel it strongly and in a worse way. He will feel helpless and alone as your words can remind him that there is no one else who can help him get out of it.

12. You have everything others crave for. Why aren’t you happy.

We can never understand the pain of others until we step in their shoes. What seems good to us could be hiding a curse for others. Though we should always look at the silver lining during the time of crisis, logic doesn’t make sense to someone who is drowning in sorrow.

13. I thought you are much stronger.

At the time when the person is already feeling terrible and weak, such sentences can make them feel more vulnerable. At this time the person is already trying to be strong and trying his best to come out of the situation but when you tell them that they can be stronger, the person can feel defeated and may get more depressed. He can no longer get stronger and may feel that now there is no way to come out of the depression.

14. Look at me! Even I have problems. But I am dealing with it.

Do not ever compare yourself with the person suffering from depression. Do not talk about your pain points. Do not say that you are suffering from much worse problems but are smiling. It will only make them feel weak and they might also think that instead of consoling them you are there to convey your own problems. It is like downgrading them and their attempts to overcome sadness by showing them how great you are. You are much likely to receive a reply on the lines “ You are a great person. I am simple. Nowhere near you”. So it is better to avoid it.

15. You are always sad. You just need reasons

This is probably the worst thing to tell someone who is going through depression. It is not only insulting but also demotivating and cruel on your part. We may have heard that iron cuts iron but being so straightforward, rude and mean doesn’t help. Like you cannot cheer someone by telling them to cheer up, you cannot elevate someone’s mood by acting to be mean even if you are just pretending it.

16. Think about us. How we are feeling if you are sad.

It is not a good idea to put the burden of other’s happiness and wellbeing on the person who is depressed. He already has enough on his plate and making him responsible for others will only make him sad. He might feel that he is the culprit and that it is his mistake that he is sad. This way apart from his problems he will blame himself for making others sad which will push him further in the darkness.

17. You have to tell me everything.

This often comes as a concern but most of the time it because of curiosity. you need to respect the sadness of another person more than your curiosity. sometimes it is tough to revisit the memories that haunt them while sometimes when depression is medical, the person suffering from depression themselves do not know the reason. so constantly poking them to tell the story is like poking a sleeping lion which can result in a loss of mental peace for that person and can make him angry which will impact the mental health further.

I hope this answer helps you in interacting with someone suffering from depression in a way that you provide them with positivity and happiness. Hope now you are well versed and don’t unknowingly make it worse for someone.

Give them love and give them respect. They don’t need sympathy. They need empathy.

Probably Time and introspection are the only medicine to cure the first type of depression while the second type needs medical attention.

More power to you and your loved ones.

Peace!

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