How (Not) to Treat Coworkers – Part 3
? Dan Curtis 2018
Continuing the series on how to relate to coworkers, true masters of the work environment will exhibit certain qualities that set them apart from rank-and-file staff. These tried and true tactics are sure to bump you to the front of the line for promotion.
Fun with Fabrications
People these days have too little to occupy themselves and not enough stress. A thoughtful coworker helps add spice to the lives of fellow employees by concocting tall-tales to spread around the workplace. Take a glimpse at this prime example:
Phil finished tightening the last bolt and tossed his wrench back into the dented toolbox. Wiping his hands with a rag, he drew a deep breath for effect, then looked over at his colleague working on the adjacent car. He said, “Hey Jane, did you see Sally and Bob got back to the shop about the same time after lunch today?”
“Nope,” she said, punctuated with a grunt as she tightened a new muffler onto the underside of the rusty red car above her on the hydraulic lift.
“You know what that means.”
Jane sighed, “I don’t, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
Phil put his hands on his hips, and with authority in his voice he said, “Well it means they’re going out! A secret lunch meet-up, I’m sure of it.”
“Our boss is dating Bob, the receptionist? Ha! Anyway, I thought they were both married.”
“Yep, but that don’t matter to some people.” Having planted the idea, he quickly changed the subject. “How do you like my new tattoo?” he said, rolling up his sleeve to show off the fresh ink.
She squinted her eyes to read the fancy lettering on his arm. “Oh, it says ‘Drama King.’” After a pause she said, “Yeah, I think it suits you.”
Workspace Tidiness
- If a coworker leaves a valuable item unattended, then it is your duty to remove the item. This will serve as a reminder that we live in a harsh, unpredictable world and that no one can be trusted—an admirable way to reinforce the corporate culture you want to build. This type of tidying is the only time you should lower yourself to pick up anything left out of place. Likewise, if they leave a computer screen unlocked, you are duty-bound to change the screensaver or background to feature creepy clowns, kittens, or competitors’ logos.
- The organization of your own workspace should be so arcane that it appears like complete disarray to the untrained observer. This ensures your job security, since no one else will be able to decipher the complexities of your personal system. The more it resembles an obstacle course or hazardous waste zone, the greater your skills of organization have grown.
Disclaimer:
If you have read all three in this series so far, and still don’t understand this is fake advice, then I can’t help you. Seek professional help.
#corporateculture #humor #coworkers