How to Transform the Victim into the Explorer

I don’t often feel like a victim, however, I had an employee who was the bossiest witch always telling everyone in the office what to do, on her terms.

One day I hung the phone up after she told me I was late with a deadline (I wasn’t) and that I had kept her waiting (I didn’t), I found myself muttering some very specific expletives. I took a long drink of water and did a 5-minute breathing technique and sat looking at the phone, feeling weak and discounted.

Then it hit me. “Damn, I’m a bonafide victim.”

I felt inadequate and full of fear. Now, normally, I’m not a consummated complainer, but in this situation, I was pessimistic and defeated.

I am the owner of my woman-owned company and am mostly seen as strong, competent, and well, GUTSY.

However, I hate being micromanaged and yet, at times get caught in the pattern from childhood when my mother was as bossy and annoying as Donna, my assistant.

I had to stop and listen to my feelings before I could engage with her again.

Now, I know many of you are thinking, why not just fire her. Believe me, I had that though a million times. However, I had to look at my own victim behavior (not fun) before I could hire a better assistant who would be a right fit for me.

Pay attention: the victim is sop standard a pattern in our culture that we rarely pay attention to the fact that victims are responsible for their own behavior.

The victim, transformed, becomes the explorer.

That is exactly where I went after I let myself moan and complain for a few minutes. I even called my husband who is my partner and worked it to get him to side with “poor me.”

He simply said “You are doing a good job as a victim. Hope you can find a new way of talking with Donna rather that thinking ugly thoughts and bringing others into the loop.” (He was not my favorite person at that moment, although of course, he was helping me get on with it.

I came up with three ways I could talk with Donna rather than hang up the phone and think mean thoughts.

If you work with a victim or are a victim, a video on my site should be helpful. Click here to access the page.

Don’t whine, don’t run for someone else to speak for you. Get GUTSY and BOLD; find a new way.

We’re here to help (not rescue!).

About Sylvia Lafair

Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D., is president of Creative Energy Options, a global consulting firm, has been named in Top 30 Global Leadership Gurus 2016, 2017 & 2018.

Her Total Leadership Connections Program is in the top 10 from HR.com for the past 7 years. Her focus on people skills takes her to companies such as Novartis, McGraw Hill, and Microsoft, as well as family firms and entrepreneurial businesses.

An award-winning author, Lafair has written Don’t Bring It to Work, Gutsy: How Women Leaders Make Change, and Unique: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion, and Engagement. She is a keynote speaker and executive coach.

Are you ready for the next level of leadership? Take the leadership quiz and find out: https://ceoptions.com/leadership-behavior-quiz/