How to Transform a Terrible Day

I was reaching the end of a terrible day last week. My mind was full, my brain foggy, my heart heavy. 

Anxious thoughts buzzing around my head about the future and my ability to accomplish all that I have said I would.. 

This feeling isn't new to me, it's my oldest friend, its familiar presence is a reminder of all that I have come to learn and understand about myself and others. 

We are all human and we all get scared that we aren't doing enough.

I slowly sink into the sofa and try to still my mind, but it's not enough. 

In moments like this I pull out my trump card. 

A Looooooong walk, no time limits and not destination, just me, my body and reconnection to truth. 

One. Step. At. A. Time.

I notice the feeling of cool air on my face. I notice my heart beating. I notice the breath flowing. I breathe deeper sending it to the base of my lungs, filling my belly like a balloon.

I eventually end up sitting down on a bench near the water's edge, a gentle breeze of kindness and compassion washes across me. 

I hear the child inside being soothed with slow and steady breath. 

Words of loving forgiveness being chanted within the cathedral of my heart. 

I feel a million light years away from the Ryan I was back at the house, I notice my inner world has shifted into space that is slowly becoming my new home.

I listen to the silence around me. I listen to the space that holds the silence. 

I hear an echo of love that first sounded long ago and it carries me back home.

“I am loved, lovable, loving as I am” “I need do nothing to receive this love” 

I allow myself to stay here for a while..

On my way home I return to the noise of cars and people. 

I recalled how for many years I have taken these long walks, way before I knew anything about coaching or transformation. I intuitively knew this would help.

For years I walked alone as a young boy, then as a young adult.

Secretly in my heart I wanted to walk with someone, someone who could guide me and tell me what to do with my life.

Deep down I wanted a father to walk with, my own wasn't ready to be one for me and died before I could ask him why he didnt love me enough to care?

This was my dark secret, this is what plagued me, drove me and forced me to grow up faster than I really wanted to. This belief also pushed me to constantly prove myself as good enough to myself, others and bizarley to the father I never even had!

How nutty is that! Can anyone else relate? 

Yet on this walk home something profound struck me. 

Everytime i walked in silence for a long time a voice appeared for me that wasn't my own. 

A loving, kind and wise voice appeared. It stood present and unmovable. 

Like the Dad I never had.

It made me cry for a while, it made me smile too. 

I realised in that ecstatic moment that the dad I wished for was always there right when I needed him most. He walked alongside me. An inner presence always keeping watch.

In these unusual times of fear and panic we all wish for a leader, a parent or guardian to tell us what to do. Some of us have them in flesh and blood. But many do not.

So Just For Today:

Consider the moments when you were most afraid and the times when you felt most confused. Was there an inner voice that came to you when you listened for the help you sought? Was it the voice of love, the voice of peace, the voice of compassion, of forgiveness. 

The voice of the parent we wished we had, or wished ours could be?

You have all the support you need if you only listen. If you walk for long enough in silence it will appear next to you and show you the way back home. 

Sending all my love to everyone, 

Stay safe, Be kind.

Ryan