How Tim Grover Taught Me to be RELENTLESS

Life lessons I learned from meeting the author of the book Relentless

         Who better a person to learn the path toward achieving greatness than Michael Jordan’s coach. That’s right: the guy who personally mentored and molded the greatest basketball player of all time- not just physically training for the court- but MENTAL training for LIFE. How we do one thing is how we do anything, so if you can become the greatest player EVER, of ALL TIME, just imagine the way you are in other areas of your life. 

         One of the earliest things I learned in life is that if you want excellence, if you want to become EXTRAordinary at something, the fastest and most efficient way to do that is to model your actions and strategy around someone who has already done it. Now, my 5’10’’ isn’t looking to join the NBA, but to see what mental toughness someone who dominated an entire industry looks like. How do you get to that level- not just in basketball, but in YOUR area of passion?

         I had the honor of not only to hear Tim Grover speak at the 10X Growth Conference in Las Vegas, but to shake his hand and speak with him briefly (YES one on one! #blessed ) about what it takes to become beyond great, to achieve success beyond what anyone else could possibly expect from you, and he summed it up in one word: RELENTLESS.

         Somewhere along our way in life, we all have lost our identity. We go about our endeavors, in a half-assed, “let’s see what happens” approach. Now, you may know the Yoda quote: “Do or do not- there is no try”, but Tim Grover has a grab-life-by-horns tip:

“FUCK try- either do it, or don’t!”

He made this a strong point because as he explained, when you try, you leave yourself an excuse to get out. You know: when the going gets tough, your effort doesn’t deliver the result you wanted, you can abandon ship and say “well, I tried”- but what happens next? This process repeats over and over, leaving you with nothing to show, no triumph over struggle, no skills built from overcoming obstacles, and no results or anything at all that can be shared to help other people. So ask yourself: in your endeavors, in what you are putting your energy for life into, are you TRYING, or are you ordering the best you possibly can from yourself every single time?

         One excuse that people dish out on their quest for success is 'the pressure is too great'. Tim offers a reality check to this limiting belief: you must take something out of you in order to put something else back in. You either handle the pressure, or you don’t. And IF you do not, they will find someone else to do what you refused to do. Humbling, but true: you are not irreplaceable! Not a delicate flower- the world is competitive, and requires you to step up and burst through your comfort zone into the zone of growth and possibilities.

         The next point Tim made was something I am sure you have either seen first-hand, or maybe even thought yourself, and that relates to holding those who are already successful to the same high standard as those on their ascent. Why? 

“As soon as you let someone slide, they lose respect for you.”

If your response to someone else’s shortcomings or lack of follow through on their responsibilities is “It’s OK, it’s fine”, YOU will have to pick up the slack and do it (their job) yourself. As far as the quality of the work goes, if you are willing to settle for “OK”, then it’s never going to be good enough. Settling will NEVER produce quality work, results, being satisfied to the point of having pride in your own work. 

         The next thing that Tim touched on was the hot topic of MONEY, and with this he made an excellent point. He addressed what he says those who do not money say to excuse themselves, that “money cannot buy happiness.” Well, his point was this: 

You can’t buy ANYTHING when you’re broke!*mic drop*

         It’s NOT all about money- that was not his point. What it IS all about is ACTION- “The reason that you are not where you want to be is because you are weak in the head.” What he means by this is you must master your mindset if you are to achieve your highest goals and aspirations, and put in the work to manifest them into your reality.

Chasing Greatness

         “The problem is that you can’t even catch average.” And why would you want to? Go for greatness, but be warned: as Tim stated, the road to greatness begins in hell. Think about that for a moment- think about some of the most influential and successful people that you know or know of. They did not have an easy life; they literally went through hell to get where they are today- they literally had to overcome serious hardships and circumstances, because that process is what forged the quality of character that led to the success they created for themselves!

          “When you’re good, you tell everyone else. When you’re great, others tell you.”

         Before you chase greatness, you must master average, then succeed into good, and only thenwill you arrive at a level of greatness. That’s the simple formula, or evolution into skill and quality of performance, but HOW do you arrive there? What do you have to do to live in greatness?

         According to Tim, you’ve got to have direction- a clear plan- otherwise, you’re going to be going in a circle with no intended outcome. YOU have to make things happen- things don’t just happen to you. Assume FULL responsibility for your life and circumstances, and you will assume full control of your own life! Greatness is in all of us, but for most, that’s where it stays- hidden, unused, and unshared with the world. In order to LIVE and unleash that greatness inside of you, you must realize that NO ONE can or can even make that happen except for you. It all comes down to the choices you make in regards to the level of action you are willing to take. THAT is why so many people never achieve greatness: fear. SO many people are afraid to be great, because of what it means to make that happen. It’s quite the paradox, becauseeveryone wants the goods (greatness), but NOT the responsibility (work, sacrifice, action, discomfort).

       Tim posed a challenge by asking yourself this question:

If you’re in a skill set, and you have so much room for growth, why aren’t you getting better?

*There were 15 key pieces of advice he shared in his presentation that I took away as invaluable knowledge bombs that I would like to share with you as you embark on your own quest to greatness:

1.  Set the expectation

The elite have to bust their ass, sacrifice, and give everything they’ve got, just to make MARGINAL improvements. It’s like a curve that flattens out as you approach the top, requiring a TON of energy and action just to keep it there alone.

2.  Stay Focused on You

You’re so wrapped up into somebody else’s life, that you forgot how to live your own! That’s NOT how you achieve greatness- stop staring, and start DOING: YOU have to start catching greatness yourself! 

3.  Keep It Simple:

The more variables you can eliminate, the better you can handle your journey to greatness

4.  You have to take pleasure in the details: raise the bar!

What you think is or is not important, does NOT matter: what OTHERS think may be the most important!This goes contrary to a lot of common advice nowadays “do you… ignore opinions…” etc. Your internal thoughts, your perceptions- that is what Tim defines as hell. That which consumes your mind and controls your life. You WANT to get to paradise (greatness), but you cannot get there unless you deal with what’s going on inside your own head.

5.  Have a “F*CK YOU!” moment

When you let someone else setup shop in your mind, and they take your identity from you. Reclaim your true purpose and what YOU want by asking yourself the simple question: “Are my goals my own?”

6.  Do NOT give / expect pats on the back for stuff you’re SUPPOSED to do!

Hard work or talent does NOT guarantee you success: there are NO guarantees in life. You are not entitled to anything, it all must be EARNED. Tim gave his own life story as an example- after all, he does practice what he preaches!

When he started out as Michael Jordan’s coach, he worked for the first 3 years for free! That’s right: 3 year’s worth of work that he was never paid for- because he never asked for payment, and that was by design. Tim did this with intention, as he wanted to see what his value to  Michael Jordan was from his eyes. If he was such a great asset to him, if he put in the work and overdelivered on his coaching, it would be taken care of- now THAT is believing in your product!

*Fun fact: after that time, Michael finally said to him “hey, I never paid you, did I?” then gave him a check, which Tim Grover still to this day never viewed- he still does not know how much that check was written for!He gave it to his parents and told them to cash it for them without telling him the amount.

7.  P A T I E N C E – results do NOT come right away (see the above story for an example)!

Another example was the 10X Growth Conference that Tim was speaking at- it was a 4-day event… but it took over 11 months of hard work and planning to get everything in order to pull it off successfully, and overdeliver on the quality to exceed everyone’s expectations. That is, for 11 months Grant and Elena Cardone went through hell, in order to deliver paradise. (Editor's note: Elena and Grant Cardone are the founders of 10X and hosts of the 10X Growth Conference).

8.  “I’m not that person anymore” is bullshit- you are ALWAYS that person!

To explain, Tim stated that we all have addictions, and that learning how to control them does not take them away. You have to figure out how to own yourself again, not become someone else- you are always you!

9.  Key to success in business = not thinking twice about stepping on another person’s throat.

Why? Because in business, they would not think twice about doing the same to you. Not to be Machiavellian or negative, that literally is how it is. 

10. “Who wants this $100 bill?”

Why does your self-worth change when someone else crumples you up, stomps you to the ground? Tim demonstrated this by taking the $100 bill, crumpling it in his hand, throwing it to the floor and stomping on it. Tim then asked again, who wants this $100 bill? Guess what: it’s still worth $100! Your self-worth is determined by yourself- NOBODY ELSE!

Most people do not want you to be successful- if you do, they can’t hangout with you anymore because you’re doing other things! Your best friend shouldn’t be too friendly – if they are, they’re NOT your best friend. Why? Because a best friend should be someone in your life who tells you when you screw up- calls you out on it to bring it to your attention so that you can improve! Someone that tells you the truth no matter what, because even though it might be uncomfortable to say something, they do anyway because they care about you that much- no matter what!

11. You’ve got to have self-control

The most successful individuals of our day are those who have the most control over themselves. You cannot control how others react to you, but you CAN control how YOU react to others; your response in under your control if you accept and harness that power. One example of this in action with the rise of technology is smartphones: they have given everyone courage, because they can hide behind them. What, however, will their actions be in real life?

12. Empower your dark side- USE it, do not be afraid of it!

Most of us spend so much time suppressing our dark side, our true selves, instead of allowing it to flourish! That is NOT to say go and be evil and spread bad deeds, but rather Tim is referencing our inhibitions, boundaries, and limitations. DO NOT use these as excuses- instead, make the choice to shout, “WATCH ME!!!” Why would you want to unleash and empower your dark side? Because it’s what lights your fire, keeps you going, is your eagle so to speak. “Get off your high horse”- this is an excuse people use to jeer at those coming into their true power, living their full potential, because they cannot keep up! This theme has come up again, which led Tim to make another distinction of greatness:

13. Success creates distance

Family, friends, and colleagues who do not follow or keep up with your path toward greatness will either try to bring you down to their level so as not to feel inadequate, or be left behind by your ascension.

14. Think Twice before you Give A F*ck

Choosing when to care, vs caring about everything little thing and spending your energy without intention will allow you to get focused on your main mission: greatness! Everybody’s pulling you in every direction-

Look at this! Check this out! Buy this! Subscribe here! Do this now!

These are simply distractions pulling you away from your path toward greatness. Those who are making these offers and vying for your attention did not think twice before they asked you for help. In fact, most people don’t even give a F*CK about you unless you can do something for them- what’s in it for me, they think. Ask yourself: when was the last time that you deleted something from your life that you didn’t need anymore? You think that these people are helping you, but really they are hindering you. They do not care about your feelings. Keep this in mind when you are about to give your time, energy and focus away from your purpose and course to greatness.

15. How to find the perfect person

Find someone who is JUST as f*cked up as you are! That is how you do extraordinary things in your life. You have to get a reality check from time to time, from someone who understand and lives your reality.

Cooler, Closer or Cleaner

         Everyone falls into one of these 3 types of people, as explained in Tim’s book, Relentless. It CAN change, but for the most part, these help you to see your potential and role in work and managing/impacting other people.

         If you identify yourself as a cleaner, that is what you are not; it is NOT your job, it is someone else’s, because there is always more to do.

A Cooler reads the stories, jumps to what’s “hot” or currently trending, because it’s the hot thing to do.  A crowd follower, they tend to bounce from person to person when it comes to following a mentor. Advice is to stop! Choose just ONE person that you resonate with and want to emulate, follow their path and wisdom, and absolutely MASTER their teachings.

         A Closer loves to tell stories- they are very good at what they do, but when things don’t go well, they have a block and need direction as far as what to do next.

         A Cleaner: everyone has the ability to change their story; in order to make that happen, you have to put something on the line. Replace fear- do not apologize for taking action! Apologizing for it just wastes your time you could be spending taking action.

The Relentless 13 List - 13 Qualities Required to be Relentless

#1 You go harder when everyone else has had enough.

#1 You go into the Zone and control the uncontrollable.

#1 You know exactly who you are.

#1 You have a dark side that refuses to be taught to be good. 

#1 You’re not intimidated by pressure, you thrive on it. 

#1 When everyone hits the “In Case of Emergency” button, they’re all looking for you. 

#1 You don’t compete with anyone, you find your opponent’s weakness and attack. 

#1 You make decisions, not suggestions.

#1 You don’t have to love the work, but you crave the end result.

#1 You’d rather be feared than liked.

#1 You trust very few people, and they better not let you down.

#1 You don’t recognize failure; you know there’s more than one way to get what you want. 

#1 You don’t celebrate your achievements. You always want more. 

Final Thoughts on Being Relentless

The most ruthless competitors have the above traits in them – read the list and learn them well! These people might look nice, but do not be fooled- NEVER let the looks of a person fool you. They are driven by a hunger that blinds them to what it will take to satisfy that deep desire: the craving for the end result far exceeds the work that will be required to get it done.

The more successful people grow, the bigger circles they create because people want to be around success- it’s very attractive. Ironically, the most successful people have the smallest circles, because they trust very few people. They have seen the same problems again and again.

When it comes to wealth, the more wealthy you are, the less people genuinely care about you or your problems, because in their eyes, problems of the wealthy are shadowed by “money cures all” mentality. “psssh, he’s worth $300Mil, who cares about his sick dog…”

By the time you make up excuses, you could have solved the actual problem.

When shit’s on the line, you want to be “that person”. If you’re going to win, be the winner; if we’re going to lose the game, be the one to lose it. Don’t give somebody ELSE that control over your outcome- don’t rely on somebody else to make your decisions and ultimately the actions that will shape your life and reality!

The best way to end an argument: “I screwed up”. 

Tim told a story about this back when he was a highschool student. One of his friends bought cocaine, and asked Tim to hold onto it for him. He agreed not thinking anything of it, and of all days that day his mom went through his backpack and found it. When he was confronted about it, he told his mom “It’s mine, but it’s not for me”- he was scared, and so in desperation he flushed the cocaine down the toilet. Now he had two problems, one new one was financially expensive because he acted from emotion. The point of Tim telling this story was this: emotions make you weak in business- you CANNOT act on emotion when it comes to business or you will make grave mistakes. If you start letting emotions into your business, it lets others setup shop in your mind, and we had addressed why this is an issue in the very beginning of this article!

The real closers of greatness? Everyone knows who they are: they don’t have to brag about it. One final story that Tim told was about a sniper in Chicago – he embodied all of the principles outlined in this article. He paid so much attention to detail in his craft that even thought the chamber of his sniper rifle could load several rounds, he would only load it one bullet at a time, because adding 2 or 3 would change the weight of the gun. He would practice his craft religiously, taking one shot, driving to the target that was hundreds of yards away to assess his accuracy, and then drive back for another shot. Over and over and over, one shot at a time. He did this for 8 years, until he finally got a call for one job- that’s right, 8 years of that for one call. HE was THE man for it, because he possessed the greatness that was required to carry out that mission flawlessly. That took focus, patience, and everything else we have discussed.

Tim closed with this: everyone’s got the same thoughts, same concerns, same what ifs- but it comes down to one thing.

Self worth is what YOU bring it up to be.

You will one day realize that there’s no monster under the bed, but only when you realize that YOU are the monster.

Tim Grover

Trainer to Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, he is the CEO of ATTACK Athletics, founded in 1989. World-renowned for his legendary work with the elite champions and Hall of Famers in the NFL, NBA, MLB and Olympic athletes, he is the preeminent authority on the science and art of physical and mental dominance and achieving excellence.

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