How to thrive with great conversations
Jon Crocker
Project?: 2-week London course for 18-21-year-olds - an immersive experience, top accommodation & bespoke learning for global skills. Seeking education agents worldwide to share this unique opportunity with clients.
Over the last few weeks, I have posted about the numerous benefits of conversations. Over time these posts tend to disappear into the LinkedIn ether, so I thought I would provide a summary. Are there words (positive and clean) that you would add to the list?
If you are in TL;DR mode right now, conversations are enormously beneficial and can improve our well-being, develop essential 21st-century skills and boost some incredibly important characteristics. If you would like to experience a unique approach to enjoying these advantages, just message me for further details.
In an abecedarian approach to listing the benefits of conversation, we are starting with appreciation.
We all know that feeling appreciated has a positive impact. It is important to feel valued and that your contribution makes a difference. Equally, particularly if you are in a senior role, it is crucial to show your appreciation and not just assume a person knows you are grateful to them.
A positive conversation is a perfect opportunity for appreciation. Just the fact that someone is given the chance to speak and genuinely listened to can make them feel better about themselves and this, in turn, can lead to improved performance, productivity and engagement.
At the same time, conversation also develops another meaning of appreciation – developing an understanding. By talking to each other, discovering new information, hearing different opinions we can learn to appreciate other viewpoints. Through constructive discussion, creative ideas can develop and better solutions found to existing challenges.
How often do you actively show your appreciation?
Closely related to our first word is balance. If you close your mind to the opinions and perspectives of others, then where is the balance in your thinking?
If you only converse with people that share your views, how can you grow? If seniority (or the loudest voice) gets to do all the talking, is this a conversation or a lecture?
If a conversation has balance that means that everyone present has the opportunity to listen and be listened to. That means topics can be openly discussed and we can really take advantage of the power of collective learning.
Is there balance in your conversations or is it a few speakers and the others listen/plan the rest of the day in their heads?
With an abundance, nay a cornucopia of words today, I opted for the 4 C’s of 21st-century skills and how conversations can help to develop these transferable competencies.
These are the skills that employers often cite as lacking in employees, yet they are also the skills that make people more employable and better at their jobs. Transferable skills that boost knowledge and competency. If you employ staff with these skills and help them to develop them further, you have a team ready for the next step in your company’s future.
How do you help people to develop these key skills??
Discover – Discuss - Develop
Conversations can help us to discover not only new information but also how other people may have differing ideas.
The art of good conversation is to be able to listen to alternative perspectives, share your own opinions and do this without trying to force your point of view.
The discussions had can open up new ways of things, generate alternatives that hadn’t previously been considered and provide all participants with the opportunity to make a contribution.
Both as a group and as individuals we can develop from this form of collective learning and with each conversation we have, we can enhance our knowledge, awareness and clarity.
If you consider the time spent on the development of hard versus soft skills what would your pie chart look like?
Engagement is boosted by the quality of the conversations we have. For someone to be engaged there are numerous factors, but key ones are feeling connected, feeling valued and feeling informed.
The social interaction of a conversation be it face-to-face or online, one-to-one, or in a group boosts our feelings of belonging and being part of ‘something’.
Knowing that we will have our chance to express our thoughts and ideas in an open supportive environment means we understand we can contribute and have our own important role to play.
Being kept in the loop ensures that we understand why we are where we are, why we do what we do and provides opportunities to find better ways to do them.
An employee who knows they are part of a team, feels they have ownership of their work and understands the road ahead, is intrinsically engaged and almost certainly more productive.
How intricately linked are engagement and wellbeing?
Given the percentage of our lives spent at work, can you have one without the other?
The F-word that has been increasingly used since March 2020 – flexibility.
Clearly, we have all seen the need to be flexible (and its close cousin adaptable) in recent times and conversations can help us to develop this vital 21st-century skill.
Our intellectual flexibility can be improved by maintaining an open mind, being receptive to new ideas and creative ways to do things better. Good conversations help us with that process.
Even before the pandemic, it was true that those who can face new situations, improvise and be willing to learn and even change strategy are those that have the capacity to flourish.
Whether as an individual or as a business, a lack of flexibility can mean we get stuck in our ways and blinkered to the opportunities available to us.
What do you think about staff working from home?
Or a 4-day working week?
More conversational benefits and 3 words for G with an excerpt from a longer video discussing mantras.
The full conversation forms part of a series of events we run designed to improve employability and boost self-efficacy and confidence. Other speakers include George Bell discussing the benefits of singing to promote well-being and Rob Power who talks about race, diversity and equality. Further topics include innovation, the art of storytelling, leadership, personal finances and working in the gig economy.
All 3 of the words discussed (gusto, grit, growth) can be actively employed and developed through conversations. They can be used to stay curious, keep on track and become more capable.
After you watch: What would your 3-word mantra be?
“Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess” – Ken Dodd
Conversations can boost happiness.
There are 2 intrinsic elements that can be utilised when in conversation:
The first has many names including mindfulness, focus, flow and engagement.
This can mean taking enjoyment from different experiences, doing things that play to your natural strengths, having awareness and appreciation of ourselves, of others and our surroundings.
The second is positivity.
How we approach life and particularly when we face challenges is a crucial aspect of our drive for happiness. While it is probably true that people are naturally inclined to either glass half empty/half full, it is possible to work on and develop a more positive outlook.
Then there are 3 elements that are extrinsic or external and while we may have less control over these, we are never powerless:
The relationships we have can have a significant impact on us.
Strong, positive links to family, friends and a broad range of social contacts make us feel valued and connected. We must remember that we can improve existing relationships and we can also build new ones.
Goals are another aspect to consider.
These don’t have to be life-changing in scale (although they can be) but they are about having something to aim for. They are particularly good if you learn something new and/or have a positive impact on others.
Strongly linked to relationships and goals we have purpose.
By this, we mean having a genuine sense of purpose that is often worked towards through having goals and positive relationships. It can also be connected to our positive, proactive approach and appreciation of ourselves and others.
Are happiness and wellbeing different or are we just playing with words?
Initiative is a 21st-century skill that too often gets overlooked but is one that can be developed through conversation.
Do you take the initiative for your wellbeing, for example, or your CPD?
Or do you wait for those decisions to be made for you?
Judicious is today’s word. How can conversations lead to judicious decisions?
A judicious decision is one you make when you have taken the time to consider the evidence, weigh up the options and understand the different perspectives of others.
This is exactly what you can do with a good and open conversation.
Decisions made in this way demonstrate a well-rounded and rational thought process that can surely only lead to wiser, more productive outcomes.
This is very different therefore from being judgemental and where your decisions are based on preconceptions, a blinkered approach to the opinions of others and a lack of time spent on consideration.
Are you good at making decisions?
In a world of social media, anonymity and faceless emails, kindness has never been needed more. It is too easy to comment in haste and forget the impact we may have on others.
Kindness is a strength and like other characteristics can be developed through conversation. As we talk (and importantly listen) to each other, we begin to appreciate other perspectives and start to take a genuine interest in others. This empathy that blossoms is a key element of kindness driving us towards understanding and generosity.
Our mental health improves when people are kind to us and we are kind to them without seeking reward or recognition. Simply taking the time to listen properly to someone, show interest and make them feel valued is an act of kindness.
When we experience giving or receiving kindness it makes us feel happier and, let’s be honest, more likeable. It reduces stress, improves relationships and even our sense of optimism.
There is a need for balance, however.
Do you make sure that while you are kind to others that you’re also kind to yourself?
How do you get that balance right?
It takes two to tango as they say and if at least one person isn’t listening, then is a conversation really happening?
Quality listening is a learned skill which is good news as that means we can all practise and improve.
It can be tempting sometimes to get distracted, perhaps even more so online, with checking your emails, planning your next tasks while ‘listening’, or mentally preparing for when it is your turn to speak. Apparently, we only remember 25 – 50% of what we listen to and that suggests there is considerable room for improvement.
Better listening though is not just about showing respect and good manners. There are some significant benefits to developing this skill.
People feel valued if they know they are being listened to and that their contribution is genuinely appreciated.
You might actually learn something if you listen without distractions. In turn, this can lead to better creativity, productivity and relationships.
However, listening isn’t about staying quiet. A good listener shows their focus on the speaker in a variety of ways e.g., nodding, eye contact, encouraging noises and yes, asking questions at the appropriate time.
Are you a good listener? Really? Do you ever multitask while listening to someone?
As Simon Sinek says, “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.”
Conversations can boost mental health. There are so many elements that form part of the experience but one of the first is simply exercising our brains.
We tend to enjoy learning, often from each other, and having to really think rather than going through the day on autopilot.
We benefit from social interaction and building the connections and relationships we have when we talk to each other.
Constructive conversations provide opportunities for appreciation, support and feelings of feeling valued and part of something bigger. They can also boost levels of motivation and deliver clarity when perhaps solutions are needed.
Being mentally healthy means self-awareness of our abilities and a positive growth mindset to keep on learning. It means being able to face the stresses and strains that life throws at us, improves our productivity and makes us feel that what we contribute has value.
Of course, mental health just like our physical health is something that we need to monitor and look after. We all have bad days but there is no doubt that conversations with the enormous benefits they bring can help us keep on track.
Do you look after your mental health in the same way you do your physical health?
Networking is about seeking win-win situations, strengthening relationships and sharing knowledge.
Conversations are at the very heart of this process. We can employ our best listening skills along with the chance to raise awareness of the particular value we provide.
Every relationship starts with a conversation and that enables trust and empathy to be developed and built upon. These connections thrive as people learn from each other, establish mutual interests and benefits and appreciate the conversations they have together.
Are you a ‘natural’ when it comes to networking?
Or does it leave an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach?
This is definitely another learned skill and requires a growth mindset. We can all improve our networking abilities and conversational skills would be a great start.
Being open-minded brings its own opportunities and conversations can help us develop this essential attribute.
It connects with so many other positive features such as flexibility and collaboration. It also allows us to appreciate different cultures, ethnicity, race, gender and age plus the opinions of others.
Open-mindedness improves our ability to problem-solve creatively and can also be indicative of our willingness/capability to adapt and learn new skills.
However, this doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but the good news is it can be improved and conversations are a great method.
You can still be decisive while being open-minded. In fact, I would say you can be even more decisive because you have a broader perspective and life is rarely black and white.
How comfortable are you with your opinions and beliefs being challenged?
What is productivity as a 21st-century skill and how can conversation improve it?
Well, the end goal of productivity is, rather obviously perhaps, to produce something of sufficient quality and on time. That might be, for example, a tangible product, a deliverable service, or a written report.
The journey to that end goal is not always a linear process and there will always be a variety of elements involved.
These include the 4 C’s of communication, collaboration, critical and creative thinking. These 4 skills will regularly play a crucial part in the conversations about the productivity goal.
In addition, there are other skills that will be employed within the conversations such as initiative, leadership and flexibility.
To be productive, do we also need intrinsic ownership and/or extrinsic accountability?
I might be stating the obvious here, but questions are at the heart of building trust, finding solutions more quickly and increasing productivity.
By staying curious and open to learning we stand to gain much more by asking good questions and then listening to the answers. Through understanding the perspectives of others we can discover new and innovative ways to do things better.
We also make people around us feel appreciated, trusted and that their opinions have value. The more they feel their contribution is recognised the more they feel engaged and have ownership.
Asking good, open-ended questions can help us gain knowledge, clarity and direction.
If you are in a position of seniority, do you (still) ask questions to learn??
Resilience links with so many of the other characteristics and features I have mentioned in my recent posts.
The good news is that it is a skill, not an innate ability and therefore, it can be learned and developed.?
Resilience has been described as the antidote to stress and the ability to bounce back. What it doesn’t mean is keeping a stiff upper lip, not showing weakness and suffering in silence.
I think it is safe to say that resilience will have a significant impact on your mental health and well-being.
Many of the factors that go into developing this skill can be found within the conversations that we have and the benefits that they bring.
Some of those benefits are improved communications, stronger connections, increased trust and better relationships which can all be enhanced through positive conversations.
We can also give and receive support, particularly if our conversations allow us to be our true selves.
Conversations that make us feel valued and part of a team also help when we face challenges or stressful situations providing us with opportunities to discuss situations with others, adopt a more flexible and open-minded approach and work on overcoming wetbacks or obstacles.
If people feel they have ownership and an element of control over their work, this improves engagement and a sense of positivity. Having a positive outlook, maintaining a healthy work/life balance and talking to others can help build our resilience.
However, while as individuals and with our colleagues we can work on our resilience, there is still a need for employers to help create these positive conditions. As I mentioned at the start, resilience is not about surviving/just about coping – it is about a quality of life that allows us all to face challenges, deal with stress, avoid burnout and see the humour in things.
How well do businesses support resilience development would you say?
Do you have skills you can share that help you manage stress?
Social skills are something we would all like to say we have.
The good news is that even if there is currently room for improvement, with a growth mindset these vital skills can be developed. And conversation is a great way to do this.
For me, social skills mean how you interact with other people and how they feel about you and themselves based on these interactions. In other words, do they feel it is a positive experience?
The fact is social skills are wide ranging but some of the essential aspects include:
It is so easy to forget when there are pressing deadlines, a pile of paperwork and an email inbox full to bursting that we work best when we have positive and productive working relationships.
What social skills would you add to my list that you feel are really important?
Allegedly, 1 in 3 people don’t trust their employer. Isn’t that a sad state of affairs and what can be done about this?
Well, this probably won’t come as a surprise if you have been reading my other posts, conversation is a great way to start.
We can build trust through talking and really listening to each other, being receptive to other perspectives and strengthening our relationships.
If people know they can share their ideas and be listened to, if there is open communication and a sharing rather than just a giving of information, then people start to feel they are part of the team.
When we are having effective conversations, this also boosts our capacity for better collaboration and creativity which in turn leads to improved productivity.
Of course, trust works in all directions and everyone has to take responsibility for their role in this. The culture of the company though will have an enormous influence on how this works in reality.
Company X believes people are only motivated by their salaries and their work needs to be monitored and scrutinised at all times.
Company Y believes that people are motivated by the work itself, by the satisfaction of doing their job well and through the correct level of autonomy.
I think it is obvious which of these businesses is more likely to see trust as an important part of the culture.
Does your company have conversations that build mutual trust?
The way we work is changing along with our expectations. The commute to the office, the 9 – 5, the top-down hierarchy are just a few obvious examples. For so many of us, these habits and norms have been deeply ingrained and we have learned that this is how things are done for generations.
The pandemic has only expedited a process that was inevitable. Our goal now is to unlearn the habits and expectations that no longer serve the best interest of individuals and businesses.
It isn’t 1950 anymore and the world is a very different place. People still want to do a great job, but they also want to have a great life.
Open, transparent conversations can help with this transformation. Those participating need to come with an open mind and be willing to listen to others. This is a point in time where the shift could be made to genuinely improve the work/life balance. There also must be recognition though that the work still needs to be done and ideally even better.
What business practices do you think would benefit from unlearning?
Day 22 of conversation benefits and a 2 for 1 offer with the tautology that is vim and vigour.
Our conversations are improved when the participants have this. Bringing positive energy and enthusiasm has a knock-on effect and boosts the mood for everyone.
Engaging fully, listening properly, asking questions and sharing our own ideas helps create that spark that motivates people to take part themselves.
It is when those conversations are flowing, when ideas are really being exchanged that we often find the solutions we were seeking.
Good conversations boost wellbeing in so many ways and the more we have them the greater the benefits to us all.
Conversations should never be underestimated – they bring enormous benefits to the individual and the group.
How often do you have good-quality conversations?
Xenodochy is giving a warm reception to strangers and offering them hospitality.
In our conversations with people we are meeting for the first time, this xenodochial approach benefits everyone.
By being receptive and welcoming, we put the other person at ease and more inclined to share their views and opinions with us. In turn, that provides us with the opportunity to learn from them and offer our own ideas.
Everybody enjoys the conversation much more and it creates an environment that is far more likely to produce positive outcomes.
Not all businesses recognise the enormous importance of wellbeing yet.
The perfect work/life balance also isn’t clear yet.
We haven’t found the solution yet.
Plus I haven’t told enough people about the benefits of conversation yet.
Positive conversations, asking good questions and a growth mindset mean we can all believe in our ability to learn and improve if we work together.
It’s not that we can’t do something, it’s that we can’t do it yet.
What would your ‘yet’ statement be?
Zest is the energy and enthusiasm we can bring to conversations and our life in general.
More than just a glass half full approach, people with zest create happiness, positivity and engagement with those around them.
Those who harness their zestfulness find themselves in a better position to learn, build relationships, solve problems and build successful teams. It is an essential part of resilience, flexibility and satisfaction.
It’s almost like zest is a superpower!
What do you think? Is zest an innate part of ourselves that is fixed and unchangeable? Or is zest a skill that we can learn and improve?
Our conversation events support wellbeing by developing positive characteristics & skills. They are available at times to suit you & provide time to discover new perspectives, discuss with others & develop together as people.
To find out more just DM me or email [email protected]