How to Thrive in Conflict
The overwhelming majority of instances where conflict occurs is at work and home. If we learn how to thrive in a dispute in these two environments, we will be able to handle conflict at its core.
Verbal battles can dismantle the respect and trust that we’ve worked so hard to build, so we must learn how to succeed while engaged in a conflict.
Whatever the conflict is (big or small), it is wise to take action to resolve an issue so that you can work on a solution. By focusing on solutions, you’ll be able to protect your reputation and continue to build your conflict resolution skills for the future.
Here are concepts to thrive in conflict:
- Strategically pick your battles. When it comes to conflict, you have to play the long-game. Before jumping into a situation with a family member, coworker, or boss, ask yourself, “is it worth it?” By saying what I want to say and potentially getting into an argument, will I achieve my longterm goals? It amazes me how many people focus on winning debates, even if the subject matter is highly subjective. Don’t let what you want to say get in the way of what you want to achieve. The best way to thrive when it comes to conflict is to not get into disputes in the first place. :-)
- Listen, listen, and listen some more. I write a lot about listening since it’s one of the most important things that you can do. I wholeheartedly believe that most of our problems (locally and globally) would be resolved through active listening. The funny thing is as much as we’ve heard about the importance of listening, very few people are good at listening. Active listening takes emotional intelligence since it requires patience. It is crucial to try to understand the other person’s side of the story. Active listening is not just hearing the words that come out of other people’s mouth but taking the time to process what is being said.
- Schedule conflict. When emotions are running high, it might not be the best time to address conflict head-on. It’s like doing your grocery shopping while you’re hungry. If you want to destroy your grocery budget for the month and spend way more than you need to, then shop with hunger pangs. The same is true with conflict resolution. If you want to run the risk of damaging a relationship, then make sure you engage in a conflict when you’re incredibly frustrated, stressed, and ready to fight. It’s amazing the difference a little time can make. One of the best things that I’ve done for my marriage is “scheduling arguments.” If I’m really ticked about something on Monday, why not schedule time on Wednesday to discuss it? By waiting a little while, it gives us more time to process what’s frustrating us, and by doing so, we lower our stress.
When it comes to addressing disagreements at work and home, knowing how to connect with people correctly is imperative. Listening, tone of voice, body language, and even the words we choose, all play a part in if we resolve our conflict. In the weeks ahead, I challenge you to strategically pick your battles, listen, and schedule your conflicts.