How to Thrive in Business with People You Don't Like

I was struck like lightning by the number of positive interactions between people who, I know, they know, and anyone who knows them personally knows, can’t stand each other.

I'm sure you've noticed it too, on LinkedIn and IRL. How people hype up the programmes, ideas and posts of others they actually can’t stand.

It took me back to a key lesson from stakeholder management. You know, the four quadrants:

• Friends
• Foes
• Allies
• Adversaries

You’d think "friend" would be the golden position at work, but no. The real magic happens with the ally.

So, What's the Difference?

• Friend: Someone you like, and who (hopefully) likes you back. They’ll help and support you, expecting nothing in return for their endeavors. In other words, they have no personal stake in the outcome—they simply want to help you.
• Ally: The person you partner with for mutual benefit—even if you'd gladly throw them under the bus in a heartbeat outside of work.

It can be magic when your friends are also allies, and great hiring policies support this by prioritising cultural fit. I am not talking about this best case scenario here.

I am talking about the frequently occurring, bizarre situation at work, where your allies are also your foes. You simply don’t like Ted, Maryan, or whomever, and yet you have to find a way to work effectively with them.

Take your line manager, for instance. The one who seems so boring to you, has questionable views of Trump's immigration policy and while passably competent, is no great leader. You complain about them every chance you get. But the moment they announce a new project, you’re there in the LinkedIn comments: “This is amazing!” or “Congratulations, you're on the ball with this one!” It’s cringe-worthy, yes, but also effective if you are invested in the success of the project.

This is the situation that is hypervisible on LinkedIn, especially if you spend some time away from the platform as I have. It highlights the uncomfortable truth: we don’t have to like each other at all in order to do very good business together.

Plan for Alliance, Then Friendship (If Possible)

It’s great if I like you. Really, it is. But let’s be honest, it’s absolutely not a requirement for us to do business together.

If you know me personally, you know empathy, collaborative decision-making and authenticity are big parts of who I am. Realising that alliances with foes are not just common but actually strategic was a bitter pill to swallow.

But here we are. Look around—foes are constantly teaming up. And it works. It’s weird at first, almost feels disingenuous, right? But no, it’s pure strategy. Just instrumental action and a complex dance of power dynamics.

This uncomfortable truth - allyship can be more important than friendship at work - can actually be beneficial when brought into the light. When there is personal conflict between teams and departments. Asking not how can we be friends, but rather do we have continued scope for allyship, can go a long way in shifting people’s perspectives and orienting them toward action in shared goals. Of course, I am not talking about overlooking deep incompetence, the morally bankrupt, bullies, or individuals who are so counter-culture they stick out like a head in a barrel! I’m just talking about people at work you simply do not like personally.

Here’s the Rub:

As I went through LinkedIn today after some time away, I saw many examples of allyship with foes. While I was first taken aback, I took time to reflect. Allies who are friends are magic. However, we will not always get this luxury at work. Allyship will get you over the line without requiring every member of the team to visit each other's homes for Sunday lunch. In short, when you're playing the ally game, being a foe isn't a contradiction—it’s part of getting over personal dislikes and moving toward an effective strategy for action.