How To Think And Act Beyond Failure

One of my favourite definitions of success is this:?

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."? Winston Churchill.?

I love it because it incorporates failure as one side of the coin and success as the other.?

They say there are two sides to every story and so it is in the journey of a fulfilled life, you have failures and successes.

One of the most debilitating things to happen to most people is allowing the fear of failure to stop them from going further to accomplish what they set out to accomplish.?

In my experience working with introverts and being an introvert myself, we tend to dwell long on failure and ruminate about it far more than is necessary.

When clients come to me they state the following challenges:

“ I am too afraid to try in case I fail”

“ I have tried and failed, I believe that says I am never going to succeed”

“ The next step is so much bigger than I feel I can handle and will likely fail at it”.

The common denominator in all these statements is? the “Fear of Failure”.?

Since we have established that failure is one side of the coin to finding fulfillments in life, avoidance results? in a limited and unhappy life for you, so today I want to help you think and go beyond failure by applying the following strategies:

1. Before you label your attempt as failure, do this:? Start by asking yourself,? what was the original goal?? I have recently learned that undue focus is placed on performance related goals more than growth related goals.? Growth related goals help you to accomplish performance related goals.? There are some great statements made by my mentor John. C. Maxwell that shed light on this approach. He says the following:?

"Very few people get perfect on their first attempt, so relax and enjoy your attempt"

"Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn"

"Consistency compounds and leads to success"

“If you have a strong tree and you go out each day and strike it five times, it will eventually fall and in the process you would have developed strong muscles”.

Having a mix of performance (achievement) and growth (improvement) goals for success means that you are able to think and act beyond failure. As the saying goes:

?“You learn far more from your failures than you do your successes”?

2. Judgment versus Discernment: This is about how you handle failure when it happens.? Many times when people fail, they judge themselves and feel shame and unworthiness. That is when they begin to use words like “I am a failure, I feel like a failure, I decided that because I have failed, I have let everyone down, I am a good for nothing”.? Sound familiar? I have been there too.?

Basically, you have judged yourself.? Judgement has a sense of finality to it, like when a sentence is passed in court. It can also be based on unrealistic expectations and opinions. You feel like you have committed a crime and have to do the time in self-pity, wallowing about it, discounting and disqualifying yourself.?

On the other hand, discernment is about judging well, accepting reality but knowing that there is more that can be learned.? People who are discerning are able to make keen observations about things. Observation is a great introvert super power.

“Growth can be messy, discernment means admitting you don’t have all the answers and can therefore make mistakes”?

Seeking to gain understanding and clarity from circumstances, learning the message in mess or the breakthrough in the breakdown, and using the information to move forward, is discernment

Judgment keeps you stuck, hopeless and repeating the cycle, discernment is forward looking and helps you devise strategies.?

When failure happens, gather feedback, data and insights so you can discern and act on it to move forward.?

3. Ask Yourself Some Great Questions and Find the Answers. Usually you attempt things because you want to move away from or get rid of something or move towards and gain something. If you are intentional about growth, the tendency is you will be attempting a lot more than those who are not.? Once you have made attempts, asking yourself some great questions will reveal things about you and your growth gaps to help achieve the performance you seek.?

It is also a way to be more discerning, as long as you are objective rather than judgemental when answering your questions.?

Asking deep and revealing questions is not always easy to do on your own and that is where coaching provides deep and solid help to high-achievers who have a real tendency to struggle with failure.? Also for introverts who tend to replay the failure over and over in their minds.?

Great coaching uses powerful questioning to help you gain objective insight on what you can take ownership for or change and what you have to let go of and accept that you need help with to move forward to achieve success.??

Basically, coaching helps you see your growth gaps and draws out your potential from within to resolve it, like with my client below who couldn't move forward with her business ideas and had been stuck for a while:?

I had a one to one session following a useful masterclass on leveraging strengths to grow an aligned and successful business. My aim was to gain clarity on strategies to establish a business aligned to my personal goals and aspirations. I did an assessment that helped me to identify key characteristics about my personality and style, and how I can use my strengths to thrive across different aspects including areas for growth and development. I am pleased to share that I have been able to apply our discussion around my DISC assessment. I have created a landing page with an overview, ?I have identified my values and am working on my areas of interest and expertise to up-level them. - A.O - Pharmacist, Healthy Lifestyle Consultant.

4. Be Hopeful and Resilient : Hope is a building block for mental toughness and flexibility to deal with change - Valorie Burton.? I also love the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition that says:

“Hope is to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfilment"?

Hope keeps you focused on your goals and what you really want to accomplish.?

Hope helps you pay the “price'' to win the prize eventually.

To make the process of thinking and acting beyond failure complete, you need to learn resilience.?

“Resilience is an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” ?Merriam-Webster Dictionary

It was the wisest man that ever lived, King Solomon who said:

“For a righteous man(woman) may fall 7 times, but they shall rise again….” Proverbs 24:16

Staying hopeful and resilient sometimes requires help.? I remember meeting a client last year whose main goal was to become hopeful. ? They had lost sight of the vision, due to not being able to see a way of getting it fulfilled.?

I often attract clients who need a visionary and strategist to help them see beyond their limitations and failures, because these are my core areas of strength and genius.?

I was able to get them back off the ground and onto the saddle to keep riding towards their destination. Today, not only have they made progress,? created an online presence, discovered their niche area and created resources and an email list from scratch, they are on their way to creating programmes for their business.??

In conclusion, I want to encourage you to check the yardstick by which you measure failure or success, most people measure failure or success by comparing themselves to others.? In many instances you only measure against what you can see, therefore these can be unrealistic and create a bigger sense of failure without realising what lies beneath what you see, especially in our social media dominated era. You also develop a deep sense of scarcity, when real success requires you to have an abundance mindset.

Ultimately, to keep thinking and moving past failure, you need to define success, stay focused on what that means to you and measure your growth and transformation towards your goals.?

I hope you found this useful. If you would? like to leverage your introverted strengths to thrive in 2022,? you can book an executive and leadership coaching exploration session? to explore how I can help you move forward towards your leadership and business goals today. Book Your Session HERE

Wishing you a great 2022.