How to "Tell It Like It Is" While Remaining Tactful?

We all know people who are the self-proclaimed, "tell it like it is", individuals. They're bold and they don't "beat around the bush", which are all skills that can be great to have and many may wish they possess the ability to be as straight forward...but these skills are only as good as your ability to properly manage them.

How many times have you witnessed someone (or yourself) say or do something (knowingly or unknowingly) that caused another individual to become upset, embarrassed, shamed, belittled, and/or defensive? Perhaps they (or you) were being completely honest in their communication or actions, however, the reaction or response may not have been what they intended? I think the majority of us can probably say that we witness this happen at least once a day - whether at work, school, or other places in the community. While many people may have good intentions in their honesty and ability to "tell it like it is", I think the issue is that many lack the ability to have tact - they lack emotional intelligence, awareness, and discretion. Being a bold, "tell it like it is" person without the utilization of tact is a surefire way to ruin your reputation, credibility, character, and overall personal brand.

For those who may not know what tact is: It is the ability to be truthful in a manner that is considerate of another's thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Utilizing tact enables you to communicate sensitive feedback, thoughts, and opinions in a way that maintains a relationship and encourages safe, respected, and open communication. When you can be bold and truthful but also tactful, it shows a respected level of emotional intelligence, maturity, professionalism, and character.

The good news is that tact is something that can be developed and practiced. Here are 4 tips that can you or someone else develop the skills to act and communicate in a tactful manner.

Tip #1: Think before you communicate.

We've all witnessed people who may have spoken too quickly and regretted it. Perhaps they weren't aware of the environment and spoke before properly analyzing the energy of the space or who may be in the room. Before you speak, simply analyze and be mindful of the vibe of the space and engage accordingly. It's also important to practice active listening as others speak and you can then tap into your emotional intelligence to understand how to properly engage and connect.

Tip #2: Consider timing.

A large part of utilizing tact is simply saying/doing the right thing at the right time. Tapping into your emotional intelligence will allow you to properly gauge timing. Be mindful and extra considerate of the environment or situation before you speak/act and also be discreet if the topic of conversation could be potentially risky or sensitive. Just be sure to remain conscious of who you're with, surrounded by, and also your environment prior to speaking and engaging.

Tip #3: Be careful of your word choice.

While being bold and truthful is good, it's more important in how you go about doing so. In your communications, avoid accusatory terms that will likely put someone on defense like repeatedly using the word "you". For example, saying "You need to improve..." or "You failed to communicate..." sounds harsh and can easily cause someone to be defensive, but saying "For future improvements, I'd recommend..." or "Due to a miscommunication...".

It's also important to utilize cushion words or statements when you disagree with someone. Instead of saying "You're wrong! We put all our effort into making the event a success.", you can cushion the statement by saying, "I value your feedback, however, we put all our effort into making the event a success." Utilizing cushion words doesn't mean you can't be truthful, it just allows you to communicate more efficiently and will aid in the conversation being as positive as possible.

Tip #4: Don't react emotionally.

Never attempt to communicate when you're feeling angry or upset about a situation, it's likely that you'll do or say something in a manner that you'll regret. It's important to understand your triggers, how to avoid them, and how to properly manage your emotions so that you don't react emotionally.