How Teachers can Take Control of Their Emotions
The aim of this piece is to pass on useful tips that enable teachers to take control of their emotions using a logical model that distinguishes between thoughts and feelings. Based on the work of Brooke Castillo, a master certified life coach, this will help open minded individuals. First, the difference between feelings and thoughts will be shared. Then, some examples will be used from the world of English teaching with various scenarios to illustrate how to put the model into action.
Feelings and Thoughts
The two are often confused and this can be problematic. Circumstances lead to thoughts (we have 60,000 of them per day), which result in the creation of feelings, which turn into actions. which become results. Thoughts are opinions; they are not facts. For example, 'this meeting is a waste of time' is how you might think but others may have a different take on this. Feelings, which should be referred to as emotions, are vibrations in the body that last 90 seconds. If you feel something, you should name it, i.e. frustrated, happy, sad. To show how thoughts and feeling can get muddled up if you re asked how you feel about meetings, you may say: they are inefficient. Although this is a thought and not an emotion. So you could say ‘’I feel frustrated because I think meetings are not organised well’’. The good news is that we can control how we think and rationalise each situation if we take stock, reverse the order of the model and challenge an emotion. For example, we can choose whether we want to be happy or sad about something, but never allow somebody to make us feel that way. We should never act on impulse as, at the very least, we may regret our actions, but rather on rational conscious thought.
Method to the Madness
The following examples are taken from real life situations. By applying the logic in the aforementioned paragraph, let’s see the difference in the outcomes:
Situation 1 – A student blames the teacher for being responsible for what he sees as an inefficient online platform. Although he was given the same clear instructions his classmates received, he was unable to figure out how to share his screen/ power point during a presentation, and, in your opinion, reacted both inappropriately and unapologetically. He is likely to be autistic.
Impulsive reaction A: Threaten to leave. Any kind of escalation will end badly.
Mind over matter B: Rationalise that the student became stressed and frustrated and acted on impulse while exhibiting communication and emotional difficulties. It is out of the teacher’s control how the student feels. Mentioning to the class that the teacher has no control of the technology protects and empowers the teacher. In fact, he didn’t choose the platform and has no say in which one is used.
Situation 2 – A student sums up his experience over 10 biweekly lessons in the last lesson largely in a negative manner.
Impulsive reaction A: Ask the next student to be more positive. This could be seen as overtly critical of the 1st student’s remarks as he was given the freedom to speak his mind. Further, it could be perceived as being sarcastic.
Mind over matter B: This is an opinion which he has the right to give. You may not like it, but you do want the rest of the class to have had a positive experience, so it is only natural that you are disappointed, which is a natural emotion, but, when you know that you did everything you could to make their learning experience a positive one, then you are likely to hear more positive remarks from the others; this way of reassuring yourself can be comforting.
Situation 3 – A nuisance who happens to be a native speaker challenges your authority when you are a newbie teaching Academic English at a University.
Impulsive reaction A: Threaten to throw him out of the window (don’t try this at home)
Mind over matter B: Stay calm and consider the reason for the outburst. Could it be that this person is showing off and trying to test your boundaries? These things happen; it’s nothing personal. If he thinks he can wind you up, he will. So, prove that you can’t be wound up. Make a joke of the situation. Have a chat with the individual after class to clean the air.
Situation 4: A University student demands you adjust her grade in front of the whole class
Impulse reaction A: Go red in the face, feel threatened and feel like you’re under attack.
Mind over matter B: Consider the situation before acting. Don’t feel rushed to react. Explain that this is not how you things should be done and that grades will be given by mail and no longer in class.
Situation 5: A shrewd Business English student tries to take advantage of your better nature by asking you to let them make more changes to the schedule than the language centre allows.
Impulse reaction A: Feel defensive and hurt and feel confronted and uncomfortable.
Mind over matter B: Reason with the person and explain your position carefully without getting emotional. Do not allow anyone to walk all over you.
Situation 6: Members of one Department gang up on one fellow teacher.
Impulse reaction A: Accusations are made without any evidence in a letter co-signed by three characters who are not in touch with their emotions. This could cause untold damage to relationships and the wellbeing of not only the teacher in question, but, indirectly, the rest of the department.
Mind over matter B: Discuss any concerns with those involved from the beginning. Often, misunderstandings and Chinese whispers can cause harm along the way. People should never go behind the backs of others as, this can cause feelings of insecurity, lack of security and paranoia until the matter is properly resolved. Complex conflicts start with pent up frustrations that are never dealt with adequately or even not addressed at all. A mediator may be useful to clean up the mess, though the big boss should certainly play a role.
Recommended reading – Castillo, Brooke, Self-Coaching 101, Futures Unlimited Coaching, 2008