How to tame your stakeholders - and survive.

Stakeholders are just like you and me. They have a job to do. They're busy and focused. The challenge with engaging stakeholders is that they're busy and focused in doing a job that has nothing to do with what you want to do right now. Sure. What you want from them may help them in the long term. Today, however, you're in the way. You're sucking up their precious time to talk about things that may or may not ever happen. You're preventing them from getting on and doing their job. So how do you engage such a person?

Stakeholder engagement doesn't happen by setting up meetings or workshops. It doesn't happen by popping by their desk either. In fact, the watercooler can prove problematic too. It's not about going out for a beer, or bribing them for their attention. It's none of these. To engage a stakeholder you need to be a part of their day job. Part of the team that helps them achieve their goals.

Cornering your stakeholder

Know your stakeholder

Stakeholders are human. They have thoughts, feelings, expectations, values, aspirations. Sure, some might seem a little bitey at first, but that's what got them to where they are today. Accept that and look at understanding what motivates them. Once you know this, you can tune your conversation into supporting just that.

But be careful. Some are motivated by chiefdoms, self-importance, greed. This can be hard to accept and one you should probably not discuss openly. Rather understand the nature of that need and consider what topics unlock their interest in you being able to help them achieve such nefarious needs.

Know what's eating up your stakeholder's time

Your stakeholder has something that's keeping them busy. It's unlikely to be the thing you want to talk about, so don't go there. Do also consider that if there is going to be an expert in whatever is consuming their time, it's them, so don't go there either. Personally, I find the willingness to help is enough. Identifying what of your own skills that that stakeholder might find useful.

Another warning. Be careful you don't end up doing all the work for them. That may end up being counterproductive to your needs. Plus, you are likely to have more than one stakeholder to win over. Trying to do everything for everyone is a recipe for disaster, and not what you are being paid to do. Think carefully about what you can offer. Introductions, insights, share a document, that sort of thing.

Listen to your stakeholder

This is really what you want. You want your stakeholder to off-load. Here you've won some trust. You're in an interesting position of them not expecting anything from you, but you're willingness to be helpful. They are well aware that you may have the ear of other stakeholders (potentially very senior stakeholders). You can become an asset to them in communicating their needs from other stakeholders in the business.

Full disclosure. This is often the point where you hear a lot of whinging. You'll also want to be careful again that you don't get caught in the middle. You're there to listen, but not to do anything about it. Treat this as something you know but no one else should. You're getting deep under the skin of your stakeholder.

Keep your stakeholder warm

Your stakeholder can go cold very quickly. Listen out for anything that you can action, and do it quickly. This will create a good feedback loop. A thank you from a stakeholder is what you need. Although don't readily expect this. It might take time. Keep at it.

Becoming the 'Stakeholder Whisperer'

By now you must be wondering when you are going to get something from the stakeholder. All of the above could take weeks. Although, to be fair, it could happen by the end of a single encounter. Unfortunately this is going to depend on how personable you are, and how much your stakeholder thinks they are going to be able to use you. And sure, if you ever asked a stakeholder if all they want from you is something that helps themselves - they'll deny it. As would you. Even a friendship has a selfish need to feel a sense of belonging.

As you converse with a stakeholder and they begin to warm to you, you will begin to change the subject towards your own goal. (If you want to learn how to do this, lookup 'Pacing' within the topic 'Neurolinguistic Programming' (NLP)). Here you can now start to talk about 'what ifs'. Encouraging your stakeholder to disclose prospects that fit with your reason for engaging with them in the first place.

You're now beginning to fire up their creative outlet. They've stopped worrying about the things they can't fix today, and start to think about all the things they wish they could do. Be prepared for this moment. As soon as it starts it will pour. Your job now is to feed off of their enthusiasm and keep that tap open for as long as possible. You can take notes, etc. But what you really need to be doing is 'listening'. Your challenge may be that the time they've decided to open up is at the point that you're about to go into another meeting. You can apologise later, for now your job just started.

Stakeholders need counselling

The joy of stakeholder management, whether it's only a couple of people or multiple department heads and third party representatives, is that what one stakeholder wants is absolutely going to challenge what another stakeholder needs. As ridiculous as it might seem to you, to them it's a real problem. They're all gunning for the same thing. But the routes they're taking are different. Their needs are therefore different.

Picture a marriage counsellor. Both partners have achieved a lot over the years of their marriage, and at the heart of their relationship they have a lot of similar interests. But the reason they've sought counselling is that they have differences. They still want to be together, but their differences are making it hard for them to get along anymore. One could be hung up on finances and the other on going out more often. They're both grounded in the same problem, but each have a unique angle towards their frustration.

Your role is to play that marriage counsellor with your stakeholders. How are you going to appease both or more individual needs? You also don't want to be in a position of favouring one approach over the other. After all, they're the experts, not you. How do you bring them together, united, and happy with the plan?

...and for your final trick

You're likely now at a point where you can command some attention. You can start to bring your stakeholders together. You'll likely do this under the guise that you have been helpful and found something that will help them. You'll want to pitch it that it's their ideas being presented to the rest of the group. Get each to buy in to needing to be there to back you up.

OK. You've got them together. But have you brought them together under false pretences? Are you really going to sell them their idea, even though it goes against another stakeholder's need? No.

You're going to reframe the ideas in a language that you know is common to the stakeholders. You're going to pull out where the idea matches exactly what Stakeholder X wants, and Stakeholder Y needs. But the answer may be neither X or Y expected. The answer will appeal to both, but will be something that as a stakeholder manager, you've rationalised and crafted to meet the objectives of the project and its stakeholders.

If we go back to the marriage counsellor's dilemma of one focused on finance and the other on going out. One wants to save money, the other wants to spend it. The idea could be to sell them the idea of going out to the park, the beach or a museum. It meets the need of being cautious on the finances, and it meets the want to go out more.

You're still likely to have some ideas that sink and others that swim. That's OK. Part of your stakeholder management is to get them to help you prioritise what should be done first, vs last. As now everyone feels a sense of ownership, stakeholders are going to be more adaptable to being pragmatic. Favouring a good compromise over a less attractive one. Beach goes to the top. Museum to the bottom.

By the time you've finished, your stakeholders will happily forget anything that they feel was frivolous or unimportant, and greatly appreciate that which they can all see as being the way forward. You've united your stakeholders around a common goal. They're now a team that understands how they can support one another. And guess what. You did that. You helped them get to that point. You've helped them succeed yet again. Well done.

You survived.

If you identified with this article, it will be great to hear from you. Perhaps you're in need of an experienced product manager or experience designer. Maybe this is what you do for a living too and you'd like to swap stories. Either way, I'd be happy to chat.

? Copyright 2017 - Matt Jones - uservox

Image source: Roosevelt taming the lions