How To Tame Your Inner Critic

This post was originally published on Medium.

We all have voices inside of our heads. Our thoughts greatly influence how we feel and show up in the world. They can be a powerful support system or a major obstacle that we encounter when trying to go after our goals.

If you have a voice that is overly critical, telling you all of the things you’re doing wrong or could do better; you’re not alone.

This voice often shows up for me when I’m going through major life shifts, particularly around my career. In the past, it told me that I can’t do certain things like managing a research team or starting my own business. These beliefs were so ingrained that they were preventing me from taking significant action toward my life vision. At times, I tried to stuff down and banish the voice but “what we resist persists”.

After working with my coach, I recognized that this voice had good intentions. It wanted to protect me from risk. It’s beneficial in moderation but in large amounts, it was taking a toll on my wellbeing, confidence, and self-esteem.

What I’ve found to help is hearing the voice and choosing to not take direction from it. If you’re looking to develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself, here are a few approaches to help get you started:

Name your story

Naming your inner critic allows you to get some space from that voice and realize that it is something outside of you and showing up for some reason. Acknowledge these stories as exactly that, a story that isn’t necessarily true.

• What story am I telling myself that is sometimes holding me back?
• Where do these stories come up the most? With who?
• How do they show up? (ex. Perfectionism, negative self-talk)
• What feelings do I get when they show up?
• How might they be serving me?
• What would I call this voice if I had to assign it a name?

Fact Check

Respond to the inner critic by reframing critical thoughts with more accurate information. For example, a thought like “I make too many mistakes, I’ll never reach my goal” can be reframed as “I learn and grow so much from the experiments I try. Each one is one step forward toward reaching my goal”.

• What would change if my story changed?
• What evidence do I have to support my story?
• What evidence do I have to prove that the story is false? Write as many possible reasons why your old story might not be true.
• How could I reframe my story with these new facts and evidence?
• What could I name this more helpful story? What role will this new story give me?
• What actions could I take to cement my new story or belief?

Celebrate your wins

Wins are anything you accomplish that aligns with your intentions, whether it’s related to work, personal or professional relationships. They can be easy to gloss over especially if you’ve been giving yourself self-criticism or perfectionism.

• What strengths am I overlooking?
• What successes am I not taking ownership of?
• What would past me be impressed with about present me? (performance reviews, LinkedIn recommendations, etc.)

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