How to tame your advice monster ??

My daughter called me in a panic from NYC a few weeks ago.

Her flight was delayed and she was going to miss work.?

My advice monster jumped into action and I quickly tried to help her and save her embarrassment.

I offered to get her on another airline and to get her a hotel room so she wouldn't be stranded. As all of these suggestions started pouring out of me, I remembered ?? Michael Bungay Stanier 's incredible Ted Talk.

Advice monster.

I immediately fell into the trap of my own advice monster and tried to fix her problem.

As parents, we find ourselves doing this more and more and more.?

It is because we do not want our children to feel uncomfortable or have them feel like we did when something went wrong in our own experiences.?

Maybe it’s just me, but we also want to prove that we are better parents than our own parents (or maybe it’s just me).?

If I continue to solve all of Kora's problems, I will reinforce the idea that she needs me to do this and she cannot do this…

…or better said by ?? Michael Bungay Stanier , that she cannot solve her own problems.?

As a parent, leader, or manager, we need our children or team to be able to solve their own challenges.?

Whatever comes up, we need to try not to fix their problems right away.?

Instead, it may mean that something uncomfortable is going to happen.

And that uncomfortable uncertainty is where the magic happens.?

???Instead of trying to save Kora…I should have asked her questions.?

???Instead of telling Kora what to do, I should have asked more questions.?

???Instead of jumping into the problem with my Dad cape, I should have asked a few more questions.?

I don’t know where Kora got her ability to tell me no and not listen to my advice monster…but it suits her:?

"I don't want you to buy me a plane ticket or put me up for the night in a hotel. No".?

Instead, she called the airline. Got an upgrade and a partial refund. She missed work the next day...but she solved the problem.

Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, The Coaching Habit is part of Change Agent's Leadership curriculum.??

The Coaching Habit is one of my favorite coaching books of all time.

It is the book that I suggest to every leader who is struggling with getting out of their own Advice Monster.?

What I love about The Coaching Habit is that it doesn't teach you how to coach the way you expect.?

It teaches you to ask more questions and to stop solving other people's problems.??

A few years ago, I contacted Michael for help on a textbook that I was writing. I was shocked that he responded.??

But even more shocked by his last line in his signature:?

You're awesome and you're doing great...

~ mbs

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Michael Bungay Stanier

Leadership isn’t about telling people what to do and how to do it. A true leader encourages people to solve their own problems by asking the right questions.?

Interested in learning about how to tame your advice monster? Drop me a line here for a free consultation. ?