How to Talk About the War in Israel When You Don't Know Much About It

Over the weekend, I was speaking to the CEO of a small company who, like me, has friends and colleagues in Israel who are impacted by the war. I asked her if she was planning to talk about the events in Israel with her leadership team and staff. "I don't think so," she said. "Because it likely isn't on anyone's radar the way it is on mine. Besides, I don't have anyone on the team who is Jewish, and they may not even know that I am Jewish."

That might indeed be the case. And she surely knows her employees better than I do. But it also might be the case that her team members are watching the news and are aware, might be confused or concerned, or have a different perspective on the war than my Jewish client does. But, for anyone who does know that my client is Jewish, or knows that she's deeply invested in current events, they may want to check in with her but not know how.

This goes in both directions. You might be the leader who isn't personally impacted by the events in Israel, but you know that others in your organization could be. How do you?open the door ?to talk about a topic you don't know much about, or you do but feel like it's too political or religious to address at work? Should you just?let it go ?

Probably not.

If you're a leader, part of your job is to create a climate of safety for people to ask you potentially "unsafe" questions. That doesn't mean that you let people speak in ways that are racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise disrespectful and damaging. It does mean that you dignify other people's endeavors to bring up topics that can feel messy, giving them credit for the difficulty of the attempted vault rather than sticking the landing. And talking about Israel has an extremely high level of difficulty right now.

Here are three ways that you, as a leader, can address what's happening in Israel, whether it's impacting you, impacting your team members, or it's impacting someone who hasn't yet revealed themself to you--but is waiting for you to make it OK to bring it up at work.

1.?Take a stand on feelings, not facts.

People are interpreting the situation in Israel in dozens, if not hundreds, of ways. Unless it is literally part of your job to take a stand on Israel, do not do so at work. This is important, especially if you haven't done the research warranted to back up a strong opinion. Instead, focus on feelings over facts.

You can proactively let people know in your one-to-one?meetings, team meetings, or over email that you're open to hearing how people are feeling about the situation, but that you won't be discussing the politics of the situation. You might even proactively share how you're feeling. This could be anything from, "I am scared because I have friends and family who are impacted" to "I feel awkward because I'm not an expert on what's happening, and I don't want to say the wrong thing." Your vulnerability might be the bridge to get others on board with talking about it.

2.?Empower your direct reports to follow your lead.

As a leader, you likely can't be everywhere all at once on every single topic. That's why you need to encourage and empower your direct reports to have these conversations with their team members.

The first thing you should do is check in with them about how they're feeling and what they're thinking about the events in Israel. Again, make it OK for them to not know much about what's happening or to have neutral feelings about the situation--or even to have strong opinions and emotions. Then, communicate your expectation that they are ready to ask their own team members how the news may be impacting them--and help them practice inclusive, empathetic language to have the discussion.

3. Get curious rather than charged.

There's no clear and clean response for talking about something as potentially fraught as Israel. Rather than fake a strong position, or pretend you don't have one when you do, get curious with your team members about their experience to encourage open, honest communication.

For example, rather than say, "You might be so upset about what's happening in Israel right now," ask, "How are you feeling about what's happening in Israel?" and then?really listen to them . Rather than say, "This is a mess!" ask, "What kind of support do you need right now?" You can also say, "I don't want to assume you have strong thoughts or feelings about what's happening in Israel, but if you do, I am here to listen without judgment." Finally, make not talking about Israel as valid a response as its opposite.?

Talking about what's happening in Israel right now can be a hot-button issue or a non-issue. But not talking can make it seem like an untouchable issue. As a leader, it's your role to make the unspeakable OK to speak about.

Originally posted on Inc .

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, Kraft Heinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times. Visit her online at www.deborahgraysonriegel.com .