How to Talk Politics in the Office and Live to Tell About it

Amy had just returned to her desk from her lunchbreak when she decided to check out her favorite news site to scan the major headlines for the day. One headline in particular caught her eye – two candidates were in a virtual dead heat in the latest national poll. Amy was so surprised that, without thinking, she mentioned it aloud to a coworker.

What happened next completely caught Amy off guard.

Her coworker, an ardent supporter for one of the candidates, blurted out, “Whoever votes for (Candidate X) is an idiot! I would never associate with such a narrow-minded person. Those kind of people shouldn’t even be allowed to vote.”

Amy was likely to support Candidate X, but not wanting to start anything with a coworker, let the matter drop and jumped right back into her work.

These kind of conversations are happening all over the United States, and will continue until November. Our new study shows that 9 out of 10 people feel the 2016 Presidential elections are more polarizing and controversial than the 2012 elections, and a third of our respondents revealed they have been attacked, insulted or called names during the early part of this election cycle.

What’s even more concerning is 1 in 4 reported they’ve had a political discussion that hurt a relationship.

We found that most people (81 percent) avoid political conversations at all costs. And people are far more restricted about who they talk politics with than they were in 2012. People they most avoid are coworkers (79 percent), strangers (70 percent), and neighbors (56 percent). You read that right – people would rather talk with a stranger than their own coworkers about politics.

Ready for more disconcerting news? People today see significantly fewer issues as polarizing than they did in 2012. It’s clear that the candidates themselves are the toxic topic. And that angst is transferring to the candidates’ supporters.

When we asked respondents to describe people who supported a candidate they didn’t like, the top 10 most used adjectives included (in order): angry, uneducated, ignorant, uninformed, racist, white, narrow and blind.

It’s pretty discouraging when you think about it. These are the words people are using to describe other people who simply have a different opinion and outlook of the world. It’s no wonder we come into a conversation about politics itching for a fight.

Even though the overall tone of the comments was negative, we found a group of people who had successfully discussed politics with someone they didn’t agree with. When asked what they did that worked, they used words like agree, listen, common, open, respect, think and ask.

So we know people have the capability to talk politics with anyone and keep it civil. And this leads to respect.

When you really think about it, our society depends on respectful discussion. The essence of democracy is a contest of ideas. So if we can’t talk politics amicably, we can’t make better decisions about the future.

After analyzing tactics used by respondents who reported holding successful political conversations, we came up with four tips for talking politics with others in the office – even those voting for the candidate you despise the most:

1. Look for areas of agreement. Let the other person know you share common goals, even if your preferred tactics for achieving them differ. This establishes common ground to steer the conversation to when the conversation starts to heat up.
2. Avoid personal attacks. This should be a no-brainer, but given the contentious nature of this election cycle, it’s a good reminder. While you don’t have to agree with the other person or their views on the world, you can still acknowledge that his or her view is valid, and not “stupid” or “evil.”
3. Focus on facts and be tentative. Consider the source of your facts, and ask the other person to do the same. Ask two questions: Could the facts be biased? Could they be interpreted differently?
4. Look for signs of disagreement. If the other person quiets down or starts to become defensive, reinforce your respect for him or her and remind him or her of the broader purpose you both share. Act immediately to head off a potential argument that can get out of control.

Joseph Grenny is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and social scientist for business performance. His passion and expertise is human behavior and its impact on business performance and relationships. His work has been translated into 28 languages and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500. Joseph has been a contributing columnist for BusinessWeek, Forbes, and Harvard Business Review. He has appeared on The Today Show, CNN, Bloomberg, and Fox Business News, and been cited in hundreds of national news publications including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, and USA Today. Joseph is the co-founder of VitalSmarts, an organization committed to teaching others how to effectively change human behavior.