How to talk to anyone
Ajay Yadav
Microsoft | Ex - Disney+ Hotstar | [ Ex-Offers - E5, Meta, London | SSE, OCI | Principal Engineer, DE Shaw]
Book Reference: Crucial Conversation
A conversation becomes crucial when following 3 conditions satisfy
- Stakes are high
- When opinions vary
- When emotion runs high
It's very important to say proper things at the time of the crucial conversation.
In everyone's life, a big or small situation comes where we have to face a crucial conversation. E.g Telling friends about their bad behavior, discussing a serious problem with family or parents, discussion about the relationship, discussion about money. giving feedback to someone, discussion on a sensual topic like politics, religion or sex.
According to the author, 95% of times during the crucial conversation people take two choices ( which are also known as fool choices )
- AVOID - Let it be the way it is. It makes the situation more worst.
- They talk in such a way that makes the situation worst instead of making it better.
It has been observed many organizations failed because people working in them don't know how to handle the crucial conversations.
4 REASONS WHY WE PERFORM IS WRONG WAY WHILE HANDLING CRUCIAL CONVERSATION
- BIOLOGICAL - During a crucial situation, adrenaline increases in our body. It increases the flow of blood in the hands and legs instead of the brain. Because of that either a person becomes silent or violent.
- The CRUCIAL conversation comes suddenly and we are not ready for it.
- We get confused during the conversation and don't improve properly with time.
- We speak such words which put us in a more difficult situation.
HOW TO HANDLE CRUCIAL CONVERSATION
The power of dialogue
In case of crucial conversation either people become silent or they say bad things in a bad way. But the best way is the third option, there should be a free flow of information.
To achieve that author suggest an amazing technique know as THE POOL OF SHARED MEANING. While talking always remember that everyone is different and faced different things and experiences while growing up. That's why everyone's beliefs and options are different. That we should understand. If people don't understand they get offended.
While talking never judge a person based on opinions.
Start with heart
While conversation many times we get diverted from the main goal. E.g. If someone sad bad about you in a conversation then your main goal becomes self-respect, winning the argument. But ideally when you realize that you diverting from the main goal of the conversation then ask these 4 questions to yourself.
- What do I really want at the end of the conversation?
- What conversation do you want for others from this conversation?
- With whom you are talking at the end what type of relationship you want with them.
- How would I behave if I really wanted these results? Are you talking just to win or talking with heart.