How to talk to 2 year old abuse child abuse prevention

Let me tell you how I got the point where I wanted to talk to 2-year-old about child abuse prevention.? Do people while doing the dishes one night say, “Hey, I want to talk to 2-year-old about child abuse! Yea, this is a great idea, let's get started.” No, my path to being here today

was a little less enthusiastic. : My name is Julie Federico. I was a middle school counselor for years.? The students I worked with were 11 to 14 years old.? They were always recounting stories of abuse that happened to them from 0-8 years old.? They were not over it, most of them never told anyone.? They were doing risk-taking behaviors as a way to cope with the pain.? One day I woke up and said, “Is no one talking to the little people?”? I wrote Some Parts are NOT for Sharing in one sitting.? My first draft was my last.? The first publisher I sent the book to picked it up.? Not because I am such a great writer, but because they saw an untapped niche.? They saw dollar signs.? So I started on this prevention journey in 2008.? I am ending childhood sexual abuse one book at a time.? This work does not feel like work for me it is my life goal to save as many children as possible from sexual abuse.? I gave this presentation at the Darkness Into Light conference in April. It went well so I am here to share this important message with more people.

Please see the Poll and the question. “ What is your hesitation in talking to 2 year old about child abuse?” Later we will look at these answers.? I know the answers will be affirming to those who are fearful of doing this.? You are in good company!

*I wish I was not even doing this presentation.? I wish we lived in a world where 2 years old were safe from harm. ? Unfortunately we do not.

*Thanksgiving dinner example. This is a summary of my presentation:? At Thanksgiving we have; Green bean casserole, turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing, dessert, and dinner rolls. Six items.? I am only talking with kids about the dinner rolls.? Many people try to discuss all of the food and this is where it becomes overwhelming and they just stop.? They can not be effective by sharing too much information.? It is important to know your audience and speak to their level. One item only, dinner roll.? Translation of the dinner roll: ? Your body is your own, if someone makes you feel uncomfortable tell a trusted adult.? This is all kids need to know at a young age.? In time your message will build, but for now, this is basic: this is enough information to keep kids safe.?

*Children will understand this message at a very young age much younger than what most people think.? My daughter was only 18 months old when I read her a copy of my children’s?

Book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing.? She understood the content. Soon after I read this to her we were carving pumpkins she asked me, “Mom, do pumpkins have private parts?” I thought, Ah, haw! I am onto something. She is not gifted, just a regular kid.

*Child abuse is all about access.? The only people who can abuse your children are the people who have access to them.? I know that is basic.? Parents need to inventory and think about who has access to their children. I believe anyone is capable of child abuse so parents need to widen their minds when it comes to people who could abuse their children.? The people who could abuse their children are the people who have access to their children.??

*Actual language to discuss body safety with toddlers.? Keep it short, sweet, and simple.? This will go a long way.? Use direct language.? Example:? Hi, children today I am going to talk to you about body safety.? What is body safety?? Body safety is a tool to keep you safe from unwanted touch. Body safety rules:? 1.? Your body is your own.? 2.? If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable you say, “No!” or? say “I have been trained in body safety and this is not ok.”? 3.? If you do feel unsafe, tell a parent or trusted adult.? 4.? You always have the right to feel safe.? What questions do you have?

?*Some other items to think about. ? Many adults that I meet have extra problems with this topic because they were abused as a child and never had the opportunity to tell anyone.? Managing this topic is a whole other training.? You can not give this talk if you can not compartmentalize.? What happened to you is not the same issue as protecting your children. You are most likely talking to children who ideally have not been harmed.? The two topics do not mix meaning your abuse and your prevention message.? If you can not untangle these two topics,? do not do this.? No judgment, it is extremely hard!? So many times we as counselors and social workers take on too much.? It is okay to say “No, I can’t do this.”? Opt out and get someone else from your agency to help.? Or email me and I will tape something and send it for you to use.

*Points that confuse parents that can be very dangerous to children. This conversation sometimes gets tangled up in sex.? Body safety is not sex.? 2 year old are not interested in sex. Children need to know they have a space allowance with people and they can use their voice to challenge someone if they cross this space.? Another point that hinders some parents is they tell the whole story, and remember the dinner roll example.? We are only trying to communicate to children that if someone touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable they need to tell someone.? We are not talking about consent, sex, sexual harassment, sharing naked photos online, human trafficking, or any other adult topic.? We are teaching kids they matter, their feelings matter, and their bodies matter.? Parents absolutely want to be the first ones to have this conversation with their children before the perpetrator communicated with them.? Remember the age children are first approached is 4.? When I first started doing this work it was 5.? ? Very young children need this information and this is something very hard for some people to understand.

*You are not telling children anything that they do not already know.? People are born with a built-in body safety guard. 2-year-olds have this safety guard.? They know it is wrong for someone to touch them in an inappropriate way.? It is only after spending time with the perpetrator and hearing their lies that they start to mistrust themselves.? If you are speaking to kids who have not been harmed this conversation will not be a hard sell it will be very easy to give the information.? Children will understand everything you are saying.? Spend some time talking about who a trusted adult is.? Kids may need examples such as; School Teacher, Sunday school teacher, Boy Scout Leader, Soccer coach, Auntie, Grandmother, Mother, Cousin.? This is a higher level conversation than basic body safety but talk about what happens if you tell someone and they do not believe you.? Then what?? Tell kids to tell someone else.? Keep talking until someone listens to you.? Some people have to tell their story three times before someone listens.? All school personnel are mandatory reporters this is very helpful for children to know.

?*What would happen if we had a community of two years old that could articulate the basics of body safety and knew what to do if someone violated these boundaries?? I think this is would be better than anything.? Because then these kids will pass on this knowledge to their children.? I want this to be the last generation of children who are not completely educated about body safety.

I am not doing this alone but with the help of people like yourselves.? Thank you for the work you do every day!!

Julie Federico

Child Abuse Prevention Expert

www.juliefederico.co

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