How To Not Take Things Personally

???? Quote of the Week:

“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

In this week’s dose, I share my favorite takeaways from the popular book, The Four Agreements.

The book provides a framework for getting to the source of what holds us back - our thoughts & beliefs.

The kind of beliefs that rob us of joy and perpetuate needless suffering.

Beliefs that get in our way as we try our best to live a life full of freedom, true happiness, and love.

This book was recommended numerous times before I finally read it 18 months ago.

I find myself no longer denying the impeccable timing of the universe giving you what you need when you need it.

The author’s four agreements are practical and immediately applicable to anyone’s life.

1st Agreement: Become Impeccable With Your Word

Your word is a powerful source to think, express, communicate, and create everything in your life.

This reminds me of an old Samurai Proverb that says:?

"Be careful of what you say, for the warrior within is always listening."

The words you use matter.

They matter when communicating with others, they matter when you speak to yourself.

They are the paintbrush to creating your reality.

The words you use shape your experience.

One of the first things I ask my clients to focus on is to start keeping their word to themselves 100% of the time.

It can be something as simple as setting a tiny goal each day (do 20 push-ups) or executing a larger plan (go without alcohol for a month).

But doing what you say you're going to do is critical when trying to reestablish confidence, trust, & belief in yourself.

The quality of your thoughts creates the quality of your world.

The author shares that our words are like magic in this way and the?human mind is a fertile ground where seeds are continually being planted.

Your words, opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and concepts are the seeds.

Hold yourself and your word to a higher standard, and create seeds that will blossom into the future you want.

If you aren’t intentional with creating a beautiful internal world, your mind will do it for you - and that’s never good.

2nd Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally

Personal importance (or taking things personally) is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about?"me".

Understand that nothing anyone does is because of you.

It's because of THEM.

We neglect to realize that people bring to interactions their own beliefs, experiences, perspectives, fears, insecurities, and emotions.

For example, if someone makes a negative comment to us, we take it personally and think "How do they know that? Is that really true? Do they know something that would make them think that?"

Even when something REALLY seems like it's about you, it never is.

Their actions are coming from their own programming.

Each person brings their own perspective, which is highly individual and subjective by nature.

One of the ideas that resonated with me a couple of years ago is that?we would be the exact same as that person if we had the same life and experiences they've had.

We tend to project that someone acting a certain way is wrong or that we just?couldn't believe?they would do something they did.

But if we had their genes, parents, upbringing, education, life experiences, fears, and insecurities - we'd be living exactly as they are.

It doesn't mean that we have to allow others' actions to overstep our boundaries, but it provides a space for empathy & compassion to know they are just doing the best they can within their level of awareness.

When you understand this, you no longer react to what others do.

You realize that everything everyone does is in accordance with their own programming and has nothing to do with you.

Remember that hurt people, hurt people and you won’t see a person truly at peace internally lashing out or hurting someone else.

3rd Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions

The author says,?"All sadness and despair in your life have been rooted in making assumptions or taking things personally."

We make an assumption we misunderstand, take it personally, and create massive drama for no reason.

Maybe we expect things to be a certain way and when someone doesn't act in accordance with that expectation, we get upset.

A driver cuts us off on the road and what's our initial reaction? We assume they’re an asshole, did it intentionally, and don't give a sh*t about anyone else.

Do we know that to be true? Could there potentially be an alternative reality?

Maybe they’re in a hurry, maybe a newborn kept them up all night, or maybe they’re stressed because they’ve been caring for a sick loved one all week…

Perhaps we text a new friend to hang out, but we never hear back.

Ghosted.

Is it because they hate us, never want to see us again, or would rather do anything else than waste their time with us?

Or maybe they forgot to respond.

They read the text as they were going into the gym and forgot to respond after (happened to me this week).

We're always dreaming up possibilities and potential outcomes.

We don't have all the facts or fully understand something, but we'll make up conclusions either way.

Our mind enters fantasy land and jumps to the conclusion it's a reflection of us, but it never is.

This is our opportunity to breathe and take full ownership of OUR internal world.

This is living empowered.

4th Agreement: Always Do Your Best

Though rare, I sometimes grapple with my inner critic when I don't have a Level 10 “productive” day.

It’s an old thought habit I’m slowly breaking.

It tells me I should be able to perform at my highest level every day no matter what.

One thing I loved from this book is the idea that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next.

You won't always wake up with Level 10 energy, focus, strength, creativity, etc We never get 10s across the board.

And just like in sports, you don't perform at the same level each and every day.

Your best is different in the morning when you wake up and are full of energy versus nighttime as the day winds down.

We're better when we're healthy versus when we're sick. Sober versus when we're drunk.

I know that I've done my best every day regardless if my level of output is a 5 or a 10.

A realization I’ve settled on is that life isn't about productivity and being your 'best' all the time.

As the author says,?"The point isn't to sacrifice your joy and your life. We're here to love, to be happy, and to live."

The key is to have compassion for ourselves that we are doing the best with what we have any given day.

Recap of The Four Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word and raise your standard. The warrior within is always listening, feed it well.
2. Don't take it personally, nothing anyone does is because of you, it's because of their own programming. The same goes for you - your actions aren't?because?of what someone else does. They are your choice and responsibility.
3. Assumptions are a fairytale we create based on made-up thoughts, not having all the facts, and projections from our own programming.
4. Always do your best and know that your best will vary day-to-day. Understand everyone is doing the best they can within their level of knowledge and awareness.

Let me know what came up for you as you read this.

Tim ??

??? Join My Next?Cohort

Join our group of like-minded, high-achieving men to?get unstuck, beat burnout, and regain clarity to feel more peace & fulfillment.?

4/23 → 3 spots left

5/29 → 6 spots left

"There is an aura about Tim and how he handles himself that's unlike anyone I've ever encountered.?A radical listener with an understanding that we all have things holding us back from our best version, he provided simple and effective strategies to unlock me from the constraints of my own mind." - Jason S.

Want to learn more? Book a call with me here .