How to Take Control of – and Change – Negative Emotions and Automatic Reactions

Have you ever noticed how ‘stuff gets joined together’ in your mind?

?You might see, hear or feel something in the world, or simply think of something (remember those mental movies?) and it triggers a negative feeling, e.g. we see a person we don’t like and it triggers the negative feelings we have towards them, hear an angry voice that brings back feelings of fear, anger or regret, or feel cold and wet and that makes us feel emotionally miserable. Sound familiar?

?This is an example of the stimulus-response reaction which is hard wired into us and all animals – possibly all life. Negative emotions/states/feelings such as ‘sadness’, ‘anger’, ‘boredom’, etc. are often (if not always) a result of a stimulus-response reaction. This is what’s behind all phobias.

?The basic structure is; external (see, hear, feel) stimulus = internal emotional response.

?But the great thing is our minds do this with good stuff too. You might think of an old friend from years ago which triggers an internal response of happiness and nostalgia, hear a name which reminds you of an old boy/girlfriend and feel a sense of love, or look at a photograph from a holiday or party and feel again the sense of happiness and fun that you had at that time.

?So, we can use this exact same stimulus-response reaction that our minds do automatically to purposefully set up specific triggers (stimuli) to get a much more positive response whenever we choose.

?When we’re stuck in a bad feeling, a specific ‘neural network’ is firing off in our brain – one of “I feel really bad”. By setting up a ‘trigger’ that’s associated with a positive state (fun, happy, relaxed, excited, etc.), we can fire that one off at the same time and it can help cancel out the negative feeling. The trick when we set this up is to feel the positive feeling as strongly as possible.

?Here’s how…?

1.?????? Think of a specific time when you were feeling a really great emotion/feeling that you’d like to be able to call up any time you like, at will – perhaps “happy”, or “excited”, “relaxed”, “confident” or “mellow”. Call to mind that mental movie.?

2.?????? Really get back into that time (the movie in your mind), remember it as vividly as you can, as if you are there, now. Seeing through your own eyes, hearing what you’re hearing and really feel that wonderful feeling, now. The stronger you get this, the better.?

3.?????? Now make the pictures even bigger, brighter, clearer, closer and more colourful. Notice the quality of the sounds and how good they are. How are you talking to yourself in this time? In what tone of voice? What story are you telling yourself? How good does this make you feel? Notice where that feeling is in your body and how great it feels. Is it moving or still? Light or heavy? Warm or cool? Does it have a colour? How big is it? – Now ‘juice it up’ make it even better …that’s right… let yourself really get into this...?

4.?????? And as you are there fully, now – comfortably squeeze a finger and thumb together as you continue to be in that memory, making it even better, brighter even more enjoyable.

?Done! That was easy, wasn’t it? What you just did was associate that wonderful (internal) feeling with (externally) squeezing that finger and thumb. Practice and reinforce the technique – the more you do it, the stronger the neural network gets. There are distinctions and finer points to this process and it’s useful to have an experienced coach guide you through the process (if you want personal or executive coaching contact me).

?Now when you hit those bumps along the road to success and happiness, just squeeze that finger and thumb together again… and allow all those really great feelings to come flooding back.

?For more techniques on how to control your mind, emotions, and life, check out my courses, Resilience, How To Be Mentally Tough, Overcome Your Anxiety, and my other courses on Udemy.

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